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Re: What Happens in a physical exam for a 13 year old girl? I'm really scared.
pearly101 wrote:
I am a 13 year old girl. Okay so a little while ago I was sexually harrassed by a boy a little older than me. First off I can't have people touch my stomach. I don't know why, but when I'm lying down and someone touches my stomach i freak out; I feel vulnerable and frightened and I want to get out. The worst is if it's a guy especially if he's older or if it's a doctor. Is it possible this is cause of what happened? Next, getting into relationships with guys is really tricky cause I don't want them to do anything. Lately a guy was flirting with me and tried to touch my chest and it made me all uncomfortable and scared because he wouldn't stop even when I kept telling him to. And lastly, I have to go for a "complete physical exam for teens" soon and I'm terrified. I know they make you undress and stuff but if they touched my chest or down there or my tummy idk I'm so scared. Plus I was told that they stick something up you which I can't deal with right now, what if they broke my thing? Also the only doctor at the place I go is a guy, there are no girl doctors there. Is my fear of having people touch my stomach related to what happened? How can I get out of the doctor touching touching me? (chest, down there or tummy) What will the doctor do to me? My parents dont know about what happened, and I don't like talking to them about this kinda stuff. I go into the doctors alone. Please help me I'm so scared.
It can be really scary, and I'm really sorry that that happened to you!
Firstly, the doctors won't do anything that you aren't comfortable with. I'm not 100% sure what a complete physical exam for teens entails, but if it's anything to do with your chest or genitals, there SHOULD be a second person (usually a woman... if there are no women doctors where you work, they might ask a nurse or a receptionist or someone else of your choice [ex: mom, sister, friend, etc]) in the room with him and you. If they don't automatically have one in there, you can totally request one. These physical exams are meant to be consentual- they won't force you into it. They may try to persuade you just to make sure that they've covered their bases and you're healthy, but they can't force you into it.
Your dislike of people touching your stomach may have something to do with the fact that you were sexually harassed. Have you ever tried talking to someone about it? A school counsellor, or a hot line? A hotline is more anonymous, and there are tons available for sexual assault/harrassment survivors and just for general counselling and advice.
In a relationship, everyone will always want to move at a different pace. The guy you were with was completely wrong for not stopping when you said to. That's not your fault whatsoever. Don't be afraid to be stern and stand up for yourself! If anyone's ever doing something that you're uncomfortable with that won't stop, don't be afraid to make a scene or to do whatever it takes to get them to stop. It's YOUR body, and you should be comfortable with whatever a person's doing to it. Otherwise, it's wrong.
It tends to be regular during a checkup that a doctor may feel your stomach (pushing on it, etc) to make sure that there aren't any abnormalities, and also putting the stethascope on your chest. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can tell him so, but in that case it may be easiest to explain to your doctor what happened and why you're so uncomfortable with it. Typically there's doctor-patient confidentiality, but depending on the extent of what happened (ex: if he was sexually harassing you versus molesting you), he may be obligated to tell your parents. The best way to find out whether or not he would tell them is to ask him about what he is obligated to tell your parents/other authorities about versus what will absolutely stay between the two of you.
If they say you need a PAP test... you probably don't at this point, but it's not a terrible thing to get either. In that case, this video explains what happens during a PAP test.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HvHqp_hQic
They MAY do a breast exam (again I'm totally not sure what a teenage physical entails, lol), in which case you would take off your top and they would feel around for lumps. It takes about 1 minute, and if you're not comfortable with it, you're able to just request that he shows you how to properly do a self-exam, and you can do them yourself at home every month.
With all of that being said, you are 13 years old and are only going to continue to get older and probably more sexually active. At some point, PAP tests and breast exams become pretty important. If you aren't comfortable with having a guy doctor anymore, it might be helpful to talk to your parents about switching to a female doctor to help make you feel more comfortable.
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