Your Body Issues

[CuteAsAButton]

So im 12, 5'6, and i weigh 121.5 lbs. I excerize 3 times a week. I've taken those tests that says how many calories i should eat based on my age, height, weight, and excersize. It said about 2000 calories. I eat 700/800 calories everyday. I think im fat but everyone says im so skinny. If i eat something that i didnt write that i should (like the calories) then i have to rearrange everything im supposed 2 eat 2 make sure i dont eat anymore calories that 700/800 calories. If i weigh myself in the morning, and i gained weight, i freak out and keep weighing myselff until i see something tht i like. So is this anorexic or the start of anorexia?

[MatildaLove]

Please, please, please throw out your scale. You're only twelve, you shouldn't be worried about your weight. You are still growing, you need all those calories and nutrients you receive from consuming food.

Considering your obsessive control over your weight/food consumption combined with your skewed body image (everyone says you're skinny, but you see yourself as fat), I think it is very possible you are already anorexic. Hopefully, someone with more experience on with this area of the forum can chime in with their expertise.

Please forget about calories, pick meals that are well balanced nutritionally and eat them all up.

[firestorm104]

yes, this is anorexia...it starts out seemingly harmess, wondering what you should weigh, then it turns into monitoring every calorie with a paranoia if you forget to count it. listen to the comments, regardless of age, you should never be that concerned about your weight where it becomes the sole obsession in your life. stop counting. hide the scale. eat whenever you want (if it makes the transition easier, start out by adding extra snacks to your day, even healthy things like fruit). eventually you need to be unafraid of eating whatever you want without fearing that you'll become overweight. believe me, when you're aware of the idea, it doesn't happen as easily as you think. just get out and live, and love your body for what it is. later, you can weight yourself again when you want a general idea, but not until it's not going to affect what you eat. do it for yourself, anorexia will only harm your body later on. starting today, right now, stop weighing yourself. you deserve that freedom

[flamingoccm]

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CuteAsAButton wrote:

So im 12, 5'6, and i weigh 121.5 lbs. I excerize 3 times a week. I've taken those tests that says how many calories i should eat based on my age, height, weight, and excersize. It said about 2000 calories. I eat 700/800 calories everyday. I think im fat but everyone says im so skinny. If i eat something that i didnt write that i should (like the calories) then i have to rearrange everything im supposed 2 eat 2 make sure i dont eat anymore calories that 700/800 calories. If i weigh myself in the morning, and i gained weight, i freak out and keep weighing myselff until i see something tht i like. So is this anorexic or the start of anorexia?

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You have a distorted body image. You are at a healthy weight with a BMI of 19.2. 

Exercising three times a week is a very good habit, and you should keep that up.

However, those tests aren't lying to you: You should eat at least 2000 calories every single day. Right now, you're eating less than half of that. At 12, you are entering puberty and weight gain is normal and it is supposed to happen. I understand that this is stressful to you, but you need to accept that weight gain is going to happen, and you should not try to fight it. Instead, you should keep up your routine of exercising three times per week. You should also do your best to get enough calories (2000 per day) and get them from healthy foods. By eating healthy and getting good exercise, your body should be healthy too.

Your distorted body image, restriction of your calorie intake to less than half of what you should be eating, your diligent record keeping of the foods you eat, and obsession with weighing yourself are pretty good indications that you have developed an eating disorder. You need to tell someone what you're doing. It could save your life.

[jeannar987]

As everyone else has said here this is anorexia. If I were you I would go on an anorexia forum (support and recovery on here) as group support can really be helpful. I would also try and increase my eating slowly, say add 50 calories every day per week so it doesn't seem as bad. Also when you feel comfortable get rid of the notebook. If you can do a sort of ceremonial burning of it so in a way burning the notebook is like burning the anorexia. When people have anorexia their body only uses its energy on the most vital things and so leaves out your reproductive system. This means it doesn't develop if you have anorexia through puberty which means no periods which in turn means you won't be able to have kids. When it feels hard just think about that to spur you on or find something else. I do not claim to be an expert in this field but this is what I would do. Also try not to do such intensive excersise e.g. For one of your lots of exercise do something like yoga or tai chi. As well as being relaxing they build up flexibility and muscle which will help in other kinds of exercise. Hope you get better soon!!! Best wishes