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12-30-2012 04:09 AM
The story is a science fiction story, and I only the very beginning right now. I'm really looking for some honest feedback and opinions. The only thing I ask is please keep it constructive.
Two thousand five hundred thirty one, that's the number of kills I've made in the past four years. I'm a part of an elite squad of government trained assassins. But we don't kill people, well not live people anyway. We have made a pledge to do everything in our power to end the zombie race.
"Phillip James," sighs Dave as he writes the name on The List. "He has pictures of his family in there too." Dave was referring to Phillip James's wallet.
"I still don't understand why you guys do that. What does it matter what the guy's name was? He's dead, and from the looks of it has been for awhile." Layla sneered as she took a glance at the decapitated body.
"Because it reminds us that at one point all of these-things were human."
"It just seems morbid to me."
"Layla, do you remember when we made it to that compound and we were able to tell that lady that her husband had been taken down, that he wasn't eating people anymore? She cried tears of joy just because she knew he was finally at rest."
"Yeah, but that was one in a million."
"Eight thousand," I croaked jumping into the conversation.
"What?" They exclaimed in unison.
"Eight thousand, that's about as many as we've killed, as a group I mean," they looked shocked. I didn't know if it was because I actually remembered how many there were, if they were just surprised I said something.
We were cut short in our conversation as we leapt into action.
"How many are there?" Layla whispered to me.
"Three coming your way, Dave" He didn't hesitate as he swung his katana blade and took out the first two. The last guy was a little faster. Dave had to kick the zombie in the chest to get enough space between them to pull out his nine millimeter hand gun and finish it off.
All this while, Layla was fighting off quite a few biters herself. Dave noticed and ran over to help her dispatch the last five or so in that group. But what they couldn't see was the two who'd escaped and were headed around the back of the building. Not having enough time to warn them I ran down the fire escape and jumped onto the back of one of two escapees using a dagger to kill it. The other was an easy kill, a pipe to the back of the head and it was down.
"Sam!" I heard Dave yell when he realized I wasn't at my post.
"I'm behind the building. I'll come 'round front." I hollered back.
"What happened?! You disappeared and like seven more showed up!" Layla was angry and when she became angry her Brazilian accent became very prevalent and made it hard to understand what she was saying. "We could have been killed! What was so important that you had to run off like that?!"
Accent or not, I had no issue understanding that, if she could, she'd beat the crap out of me right then and there. "There were some that went around the building. I had no choice but to take care of them myself."
"I find that when people say they had no choice, it's usually just that they made a stupid one." If looks could kill I'd be deader than the zombies around us, and they've now died twice.
"If I hadn't taken them down they very well could have snuck up on you two and that's not a risk I'm willing to take."
"Look, I know you have this hero complex after Zeke died, but zombies are dumb. I doubt they even knew we were here."
I took a step toward her. "I-"
"Hey guys, glad to see you back!" Dave cut me off mid-sentence sending me an apologetic look.
The rest of our group walked up to us caring duffle bags filled with supplies from the near-by town.
"Looks like you all had some fun without me." That was Jeremey. Every group needs an idiot and he was it.
"I wouldn't exactly call it fun." Layla glared at me.
"Dave, Jeremey, clean this mess up." Liam demanded in a way only he could. He was the leader of our group. We were all government trained, but he was the only one of us who was actual military.
"Austin and Layla take the supplies to the roof. Sam, you come with me to clean out the base."
Liam always seemed to be talking in code for some reason. There were also undertones in everything he said. If he sent you up to the roof with supplies, it meant he trusted you to get up there and watch out for everyone, if he told you to clean up dead zombies, you were on his crap list for the day, but if he told you go with him it meant he trusted you with his life. I had no clue why he'd chosen me.
We walked to the back door of the building. I had to stop to yank the dagger out of the top of the zombie's head.
"The dagger was in the top of his head." Liam looked confused, that didn't happen very often.
"Yeah, what's your point?" I asked trying to not sound disrespectful.
"That guy had to be at least six foot five. There is no way you could have reached the top of his head."
"I jumped from the fire escape." I said as if it were as obvious as the sky being blue.
"He was at least five feet away from the landing."
"Your point is?" I felt dumb having to restate the same question over and over again but as long as he kept stating random facts I don't think I had much choice.
"I'm just impressed is all. It looks like you've got your spark back." He did genuinely look impressed, and I should have felt happy or proud, or something, but I didn't. It just felt weird to receive praise when I'd left my post to kill two rogue zombies potentially endangering my fellow team mates when they were depending on my leadership. "He looks fresh too. Both of them do."
"Disturbingly so, they seemed smarter too, like they were almost strategizing." If I could get this back on zombies, back on facts, I'd be a lot more comfortable.
"I was at the highest post directing Layla and Dave when these two sneaked around here. They looked like they were waiting for Layla and Dave to be too distracted to notice, or at least the fresh one did. I think the other one was just a follower. It was strange, too strange, so I left my post to take these two out before they could go after the others."
I was preparing myself for a lecture on why it was irresponsible to leave my upper post, but all I got in return was a troubled look and a "Hmm--"
We braced ourselves beside the door.
"You ready?"Liam asked. All I did was nod. A second later he'd kicked in the door and three biters lunged out at us. Blades lashed out of our hands so fast the zombies barely had a chance to groan. We made it in and searched each nook and cranny of the building finding no other threats. We were in luck that the floor plan was pretty open, that makes it more difficult for anything flesh eating to stow away.
Once the building, supplies, and bodies were secured we had a quick meeting.
"How long are we planning on staying here?" It was Austin, my brother.
"Just a few days, a week maybe. We all need some time to recoup." There was none the awe from my earlier kill in Liam's voice anymore. He was all business.
"I agree a little R and R sounds just peachy to me"
"Shut up Jeremey. It's not like you do much anyway." It was Layla saying what everyone was thinking.
"Hey, I do my share!" Jeremey and Layla are always quick to jump into an argument.
"Jeremey, Layla is right, you've been slacking lately." Liam was continuously the voice of reason when tensions were running high.
"Liam, it's been four years, where have we really gotten? Another crap hole building and it still feels like the freaking Marriot! So, forgive me if I give up every once in a while." Jeremey had a point, it'd been a long road so far, and it wasn't getting any easier, but we had made a promise to do everything in our power to save humanity.
"We have a mission, a noble one, how can you give up on that?" I surprised even myself. Rarely did I ever speak out against anyone anymore.
Did it ever occur to you that I only made that stupid pledge so I could have military grade weapons when I fought these ravenous douche bags?! Besides that was a long time ago. Things change, people change, and promises are broken." At that he stormed off to another room.
"I'll go talk to him." Dave was the first to speak up.
"Hey Jeremey, what was that all about?" Dave was always the one to look out for everyone when our sanity was on the verge of disappearing.
"Jason's dead, Dave. He was my best friend, had been since middle school. Does anyone care about that? No, all they care about is how Sam is doing. Everyone's all 'Oh, poor Sam.' 'How could she go on without Zeke?' I'm sick of it! She isn't the only one hurting! We all lost something in that attack. I was just strong enough to keep fighting." Jeremey was almost in tears.
"We all know you lost someone, and we respect that you need some grieving time, but there was nothing you could have done to save Jason. Zeke on the other hand-well you know." Jeremey did know. The whole group knew. I'd frozen up in battle. When faced with killing my best friend, zombie or not, I couldn't do it. It was a dumb mistake, one that cost the life or my boy friend Zeke. He tried to save me, but in the process had been over powered. It was my fault he was dead.
"Exactly, she brought it on herself, and she still plays the victim card."
"How can you say that? None of us have been in Sam's situation. I can't say I'd have done anything different if faced with having to kill my best friend."
"See you take her side too, everyone does." Jeremey sat down in a dusty corner of the room and buried his face in his hands.
"There are no sides here. I have two friends hurting and want to help them both, but it seems neither of them wan my help." With no response from Jeremey, Dave left the room.
"Austin, you and Dave take a break. Same and I will take over watch for awhile." I was surprised yet again today as Liam led me up to the roof to keep watch.
There was a small spell of awkward silence when we reached the roof as we set the lanterns and other supplies up.
"Sam, under regular circumstances I couldn't condone your behavior earlier." A lecture, this was finally starting to make since. "But, if what you observered turns out to be true, if the things really are becoming more intelligent, what you did was necessary to save two indispensible members our team." I was officially confused.
"Um-o okay-er thanks, maybe." If I could see myself in a mirror I'm pretty sure I'd look like a moron.
Liam chuckled. An. Honest. To. Goodness. Chuckle. He never chuckled. "I'm sorry," still chuckling "it's just your face right now."
"Okay, so you give me a backhanded compliment, and now you're laughing at my face? Wow, you are such a turd." I just jokingly called a chuckling Liam a turd. Could this day get any stranger?
"I would never laugh at your face, just your expression." He was smiling, that was a good sign. "And did you just call me a 'turd'?"
"I do believe I did." I was smiling now too.
"You know, I meant what I said in the ally earlier. You really do have your spark back. I can see it in your eyes. There's a shine there that hasn't been in a long time." His face was more contemplative. "I like it better this way." He was studying me so closely now.
I blushed in spite of myself. "Thanks, Zeke always used to say that my eyes had fire in them, especially during battle." I was looking down. I could feel Liam's body move closer to mine. His six foot three inch frame dwarfed my five foot two body. The thought of him being this near to me made my heart flutter. He touched my cheek, wiping away a tear, more gently than I thought possible. I looked up and caught my breath. He was leaning down to kiss me. I knew I should have pushed away, but I needed to feel close to somebody. I'd isolated myself for so long, barely speaking, barely feeling; only fighting. I embraced the kiss. I knew somewhere in the back of my head that I'd regret this in the morning, but during that moment all that mattered was getting as close as humanly possible to Liam.The kiss only lasted for an instance, but I felt it everywhere.
Liam pulled away when we heard noise coming from the south permitter."We should probably check that out." He was breathless.
"Yeah, sounds good." was the best reply I could form.
We grabbed our weapons and inched down the ladder to see what exactly was going on. We held a tight formation, staying back to back. There was no such thing as too careful during the zombie apocalypse. As we approached I was in the lead being careful not to stumble over any of the debris that seemed to be everywhere we went.
I shifted my flashlight to the left just in time to see two biters lunge for Liam. He dispatched the first one with ease, and took it upon myself to take down the other one. I swung the pick ax landing the point just below the hair line, but the zombie didn't stop there. It walked backward clearly effected by the blow, but it didn't fall to the ground like it was supposed too. It attacked again. This time it used twice the force.
Thanks for reading!
01-04-2013 09:03 PM
Have you heard of wattpad.com ? There are some writers who actually go on that site who would be more than willing to help you out on your story. They're pretty friendly and also honest.
01-05-2013 02:01 PM
wowww this is good! I don't usually read sci-fi, but this got me gripped! Awesome plot, Seriously, I love your writing style, are you writing more of this? If you are, please post it ASAP!!! Love it
01-18-2013 10:06 PM
i love this. i love how you use more dialoge to help the reader realize what is going on. i think it takes skill to do that. i think you would be more suited to use teenink.com though. that way the entire site is full of young riters just like you that want to share their work. i am also on there under the same name. if you want more info about it just message me. oh the best thing is that if the editors think your good you can be publish in the magizeen for all to see.
hope i helped and keep on writing
shoot for the moon because even if you miss you will end up among the stars
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