What's On Your Mind?

[artsygirl300]

I know this might sound selfish, but do we really owe our parents something for raising us? In my case my parents are in their 60s and by the time I am in my 20s and 30s I will have to take care of them and I know this for a fact (both financially and physically). I know I am a selfish B**** for thinking this way but I really do not want to spend my youth caring for parents who have emotionally scarred me and belittled me all of my life, but I feel like it is the right thing to do even though I will be miserable. 

[Daniboycrazy]

My opinion is I think we don't because if our parents didn't take care of us we will be not live so they have to take care of us .

[stayclassy]

I don't know in your case but I do want to take care of my parents because they were good to me.

[Sharpie-Sensei]

I mean, personally, I want to take care of my parents because they've been insanely good to me in life and because places like nursing homes and crap creep me out (and suck around here!). However, I can see where you're coming from. I guess overall it's just a personal choice...I really don't know what else to say.

[beccsx0x]

I've always thought of it as a "my parents need to earn it". If my parents were like yours where they were constantly miserable and treated me with no respect and always belittled me... then no, I wouldn't sacrifice any more of my happiness for them. I might give SOME support, but generally, I don't think I would. But, if my parents were good parents, tried to do the best for me, and respected me... then sure.

[stayclassy]

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beccsx0x wrote:

I've always thought of it as a "my parents need to earn it". If my parents were like yours where they were constantly miserable and treated me with no respect and always belittled me... then no, I wouldn't sacrifice any more of my happiness for them. I might give SOME support, but generally, I don't think I would. But, if my parents were good parents, tried to do the best for me, and respected me... then sure.

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Well put.

[illusione]

I don't think you owe your parents something purely because they share your DNA, but if they took care of you when you were growing up then you probably 'owe' them something for that, even if they weren't the perfect parents. 

Of course, I have no idea how bad your relationship with your parents is. Nobody is perfect and raising a child isn't easy, but if you really feel that as parents they haven't supported you at all, then you shouldn't feel you have to make sacrifices on their behalf. 

How do you know for a 'fact' that you will have to take care of them anyway? Life if unpredictable. Some people live a healthy and independent life into their nineties and others drop dead from a heart attack at 40. If they are healthy now, you can't know when they'll need care, how much care they'll need, or how long they'll need it for. And do they not have their own savings, pension plans, life insurance policies, etc to help them financially? Are they really expecting you to fund it all?

[artsygirl300]

My parents are just generally financially irresponsible. They gamble everything away and live paycheck to paycheck. They fight all the time, but my dad says that they are just playing and that I shouldn't take it seriously, but I do. Whenever I try to talk to them about my feelings they just walk away and ignore me. I feel so empty and alone but I just don't know what to do. They are old school and do not believe in therapy so that is out of the question. As cliche as it sounds, I feel like my soul dies everytime I am around them and I just don't know how much more I can take. 

[stayclassy]

I would tell them to enjoy living on the streets if they don't save for retirement. It might be mean and I don't know what you *should* do but I personally hate it when people live paycheck to paycheck (if they don't need to). Thing is they most likely won't save because they never learned to and clealy have a gambling addiction. Ask them what their retirement plan is because you don't plan on living paycheck to paycheck just to cover them entirely.

[ilikecheese]

Well have you ever asked yourself why they behave like this? Maybe your parent's parents raised your parents the same way. Now you need to stop this pattern and get them some therapy. You really need to find out WHY they treat you like this, because they might feel terrible themselves.