Relationship Issues & Advice

[CarissaM]

Ok maybe it's about time I write this out so I can actually see how ridiculous the situation actuallly is.

My boyfriend (who happens to be the love of my life) and I have been together since 12/28/11
We started out like any typical couple would, learning about each other and our lives.

We found out we had a lot in common and we seemed great for eachother.

about a month into our relationship, I met his parents, he met mine.

It all seemed to work out great, the parents approved (or so it seemed) He was happier, his grades improved

right before valentine's day, he had found out that i used to be depressed/slightly suicidal

and wanted me to promise him I would never be again. we only really saw each other at school. so

I had to run to the bus that day, but i never got to fiish telling him why i couldn't promise him that.

So i sent him an inbox message on Facebook explaining that I take the bad things that happen in my life to heart.

But i also told him that It most likely would never happen as long as I had him and my friends.

Well, a few weeks later, his mom decided she could dig through his FB. found that message and demanded he dump me(because i'm apparently psycho suicidal). Of course that didn't happen, especially considering she wanted him to tell me it was because of his grades. We hid our relationship after that since she had the teachers watching us. and when she found out we didn't break up she forced him to call me and dump me (which was obviously again not real) she just recently again found out we're still together and said that was fine, but I'm never to text him again or she'll put a restraining order on me. I feel bad for the woman, shes in her second diagnosis/treatment of cancer and she's bipolar but this is really starting to wear on our relationship. School let's out in 2 weeks and my bf's supposed to get his license (which she said it was okay if he hung out with me after he got his license but may not text me) If he doesn't get his license I don't know what I'll do. I'm so sick and tired of hiding and hurting. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I want to marry this boy, he's perfect for me, But i'm scared she'l never give up.

Any advice?

and if you read it all.....thank you

[reverie0711]

Maybe you and your boyfriend should sit down with his mom and talk out the situation. Clearly, she's going through quite a lot right now so she's probably having trouble dealing with stressful situations, especially something that she worries will hurt someone she loves. But if you get the chance to explain to her that you feel secure in your life right now and have no intention of hurting her son, you may be able to work something out. Talking to her face to face may also give her a chance to get to know you and remember why she liked you before. You could also consider talking to your own parents about it, if you feel like having them to help you talk to her will help.

It might also be best to just wait it out and see whether or not he gets his license. If his mom thinks it's ok for you two to hang out together, then maybe after some time goes by she will see that nothing bad is going to happen and start to loosen up a little.

[CarissaM]

Well I learned some new information today, he's not only supposed to not text me, but he isn't to speak to me or hang out with me in any way, shape or form. This situation is causing me to lose sleep at night. My friends say we're turning into a twisted version of "The Notebook" couple. I was also asked (when this whole situation began) not to speak to her.

[reverie0711]

I'm sorry to say this, but it might be best to just back off for the moment. If his mother has such a huge problem with you and is laying down such strict rules, constantly breaking them is just going to make things worse. It will make her feel justified in not trusting you and she will view you as a bad influence. Maybe you and your boyfriend should just call things off for a little while to give everybody time to cool down and re-assess. Hopefully, someday in the future, you will be able to work things out and get back on track.

I totally get that it seems ridiculous and unfair to have to deal with his mom's prejudice against you, but it why put yourself through such a stressful situation, especially if it's just steadily getting worse? If you're worried at all that breaking up will affect you emotionally, maybe you should go talk to a therapist first to get some advice on how to deal with the situation.

[CarissaM]

And the plot thickens again. first off, I've tried counselors...multiple times and they just don't help...atleast for me. Besides that We already tried backing off, which not only killed both of us but it made his mom mad too cause he was upset and now he's got another issue, his dad just had a heart attack, he's really close to his dad and with his mom on treatment for cancer and his Dad being sick he needs someone there for him now more then ever. Especially since it was his birthday yesterday and I'm certain he spent all day, worrying about whats going to happen to his life.

[phabulous]

i say rebel against his mom.. i mean yeah  thats his mom and all

but hes old enough to make his own desicions. i mean really yall  can still 

be together but cant text. i say stop hiding your love for her...

he still loves you and thats all that matters =)

[CarissaM]

Well that's basically what we've been doing, but it's starting to take it's toll on us

[CarissaM]

But I'm still having such a hard time figuring this out

[dunni.dipo]

I think you should focus on making your relationship healthy and long lasting, as well as convincing his mother you're a good, happy girl. Don't worry, if she loves her son and his decisions then she will grow to love you.

[CarissaM]

That's what we thought originally...which didn't happen...she let off for a few weeks but when one of our friends spoke up (in a message to him on Facebook) (which he didnt receive because his mom runs his Facebook as of February) it's gotten progressivly worse