Relationship Issues & Advice

[LyndsayEm]

So, my best friends ex has feelings for me.. and i kinda have feelings for him too. And my friend has a boyfriend but she told me that she would be crushed and she wouldnt look at me the same if i went for him.. which really sucks cause ive been alone for a year and she jumps from boy to boy.. If it makes a difference I had a crush on him years ago but he was gr.12 and i was younger.. Is there a way i can make her understand or should i just let it go?

[skaitlin]

Trust me when I say that you should be putting your friend first. You are a teenager. Relationships with guys will come and go, as will your feelings for these guys. Your friends are the ones who will be there for you through the difficult things in your life and I would say that you need to respect your friends feelings. Obviously, she can't control you, but it would be pretty disrespectful to date this guy at this point. The only other option is to try and talk with her about it and share your honest feelings and see if you can come to a compromise. 

[Special_K]

I'm maybe the minority when it comes to my feelings on this situation. If she is done and over with him, and also hops guy to guy, then I don't know why it's any of her business. You could lose her friendship, so it's something to think about. But if you really like this guy, then I think she's abusing the friendship card when it comes to you spending time with him. It's all about what you stand for in situations like these. I think it depends on how and why they broke up. If he was a dirt bag, then stand by your friend. But if not, then it's none of her concern who you date. Just my two cents.

[and_all_that_j…]

You definitely have to do a cost-benefit analysis here.

Personally, I think the whole girl-code thing is bullsh*t.

Your friend does not own you and does not own her ex.  You can do what you want and she should respect that, especially since she is already dating someone else.  However, as someone who is currently dating a friend's ex, I will tell you that your relationship with her will never be the same.  For me, I was willing to make that sacrifice because I knew she was not worth losing him over.  I still feel that same way after over  a year of dating him - that may not be true for you.

Ask yourself: Do you ACTUALLY have feelings for this guy, or do you like him because you've been single for a long time and he likes you?  Is a relationship with him something that you see lasting a significant amount of time? What will your life be like without her?

For me, I'm a long-term relationship person and always have been (my shortest relationship is 2 years). I only date people I could see myself dating for a long time and I've dated enough people to know what I'm looking for.  For that reason, I felt comfortable making the choice I did.  However, if he was someone I wasn't sure I was compatible with, or someone I could see dating for only a few months, the problems choosing this relationship caused may not have been worth it.

Make sure you take everything into consideration before you make your decision.  Good luck and let me know if there is anything I can do to help.