Relationship Issues & Advice

[lovenation]

So my best guy friend and I have known each other since we were 13 years old, now 14 years later we still have this amazing relationship. Only thing now is his been married for 2 years. A year before he got married we had sex for the first time ever since we have known each other. We just thought it felt right that day and I guess we were in the moment. We have this intense connection since we were young but never dated or anything since we didn't want to ruin our friendship and we have lived an hour away from each other for a couple years now. It has only happened once and that was it. We have never really talked about what happened. Deep down inside I love him as more than a friend or I think I do and I know he feels the same way about me even though his happily married. I always think about what it could have been like between me and him and he has told me the same thing. We talk all the time and hang out once in a blue moon since his been married. When we do hang out though I can feel something so strong between us. I know he would love to kiss me or show some kind of affection but obviously out of respect for his marriage and wife he hasn't. I also have not attempted anything because I do not want to disrespect his wife, because I know if I make a move he will give in, that is how certain I am of what we both feel when we're together. We do flirt but that is something we have done for a couple years now. I know I must move on but I think the feeling with him will always be there. We have tried cutting all communication but it's impossible. How do you throw away a friendship of 14 years?? He is a part of my life and I can't see him not in it. I dont know if I can be strong the next time I see him and not do anything but I also can't stop seeing him. I just don't know how to see him as a friend like I once did before. I do date and have had a boyfriend but in the back of my head its always what if when it comes to him....

[Nyctimene · Accepted solution]

I think you need to accept that your moment is over. You keep thinking "What if" because -- as much as you talk about respecting his wife -- you don't really because you're on the knife edge of having an affair. You flirt, you're clearly still thinking about him sexually and he likely is about you too. You might tell us (and others) "Oh I know he' s married now" but you clearly feel and think to yourself that you still have a chance.

I think you have to grind it into your head that he is married, married, married, [b]period[/b]. No if's and's, "I-met-him-first" or any other things that exert any sort of ownership or dominance over him.

You're not being fair to his wife, your boyfriend or even to each other. Yes, it's wonderful to have a long term friend but that's where it has to stay. You had 14 years to make a serious move and neither of you did and maybe that says something in and of itself....that maybe you aren't as "in love" (romantically) as you think. Maybe you [i]are[/i] just good friends and don't need to be more or think about your friendship in terms of progression from friendship to more. A friendship is enough.

[lovenation]

You are absolutely right, it's time to move on. My moment is over and I have to let the thought of "what if" disappear. His married and it needs to stay that way. Thank you for your advice!