Relationship Issues & Advice

[ifa_cheer]

So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now we have gone through so much and now we have decided to get married. Recently things haven't been right with us. All last week he stayed at his friends house and drank(he does have an issue with drinking) we live together so he left me alone. Hes been saying mean things to me like telling me im boring and stuff and it just really hurts my feelings. Well i have this "friend" and they have gotten closer since they work together. Well ive been trying to have fun go to the bar and he wont go with me he just wants to play COD but as soon as his friends or my friend calls and asks him to go out hes running out the door. He wont spend any time with me and everytime we try and talk it just ends up in an arguement. I can admit my emotions have been crazy psycho. I get so pissed off easily and just want to pick fights. obviously i know im in the wrong when im picking fights. We will be super cute getting along and then BAM I'm psycho getting pissed off about something stupid. hes told me im ruining this relationship and i know hes right but idk whats wrong with me. I just need help I love him with all of heart. I know im not the same person he met and i dont know how to get back to that girl..

[AlyssaRenee999]

I would take a break. Maybe stall the engagement? It sound like you both need maybe a week or two to get your prioritites straight. Just to clear your head. Maybe go to a friends for a week? Or go out of town on a vacation together? Or even just a simple date. Just whatever you do make sure it's clear to him that your still into him!! Hope this helps.

[stayclassy]

If you think getting married will solve your problems, you're in for a treat.

Plus he has a drinking problem, why would you ever want to marry someone with a drinking problem? I would not marry him as long as he's not dealing with his problem. I'd never want to spend the rest of my life that way.

[ifa_cheer]

I never said us getting married would solve our problems. And we both know he has a drinking problem. Its hard for any addict to admit that they have a problem let alone try and get help. Hes already admit he has a drinking problem now hes just scared to take that next step

[Stefwithanf]

well i can honestly say i am in the same boat only i am not married. i've been dating him off and on for 6 years now. for the past 3 years he took the label off but we still see each other still intimate still staying over at  each others houses but he says i am not his girlfriend. and EVERY time i ask if we can go to the movies or out to eat he says no that how is that fun. but his friends ask him and BAM hes down to go. i know how u are feeling. and to be honest i think we both know what is going on. they want US to tbe the one to break it off so they wont feel so much guilt. its a guy thing. it SUCKS.

keep your head up hun. xoxo, stef.

[stayclassy]

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ifa_cheer wrote:

I never said us getting married would solve our problems. And we both know he has a drinking problem. Its hard for any addict to admit that they have a problem let alone try and get help. Hes already admit he has a drinking problem now hes just scared to take that next step

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It's not that. I'm saying you should place some goals he must achieve before you marry him-- for example, deal with the drinking. Drinking addicts will have to deal with their problem for the rest of their lives but I think for your own benefit you would want some problems solved before you marry.

[ifa_cheer]

I agree. We are trying to find him some help and at the same time I have some issues that needs to be worked on. we had a heart to heart and alot of things have changed in just a short amount of time. now to just keep moving forward

[Special_K]

I think you two need to stop dancing around the tension build up. Flat out ask him, do you want to be together anymore? becuase if not, i will pack my bags, or he leaves, whatever. But let him know, if he wants out, then your not gonna waste anymore of your time and emotions on this relationship.

You love him, but staying together when he might not want to, is only going to lead to more hurtful situations. Maybe tell your friend to back off until you two resolve the problem, whether it be splitting up or working it out.

[scuzz]

This doesn't sound like a very good relationship. You probably should not be even thinking about marriage with him yet. Besides I'm always one to say if you plan on being with someone for the rest of your life (getting married) why can't you wait a few more years before you get married? Also it sounds like you are putting more of the blame on yourself when it sounds like you both have problems and his might be bigger. Also there is a difference between alchololics knowing they are an addict, knowing they need help and wanting to get help. Alchololics have to want to get help for themselves if anything  will ever change. You say he knows he is an addict or maybe he even knows he needs help but that honestly still isn't enough. Even if you were to force him to get help it still wouldn't mean that he wouldn't relapse to his old ways just as fast.

Even though I don't even know if this relationship should be saved I still have a few more ideas on what could help...
- Ask him or offer to go out with him more often (I know you said you already have) Though the next time he calls you boring say you try to ask or offer etc. Maybe even tell him while you are offering be like I'm trying to be less "boring" for you so take it or leave it. Try hanging out with him and other people, instead of just the two of you. Ask him what he would like you to do with him maybe he would want you to play COD with him!
- TRY to talk more before things boil down into fights and arguements. Try and mention things in ways that are non offensive or defensive. Also admit when you are wrong and say how you don't want to fight etc. Tell him when he hurts your feelings. 

If you try these things and he is still being a complete asshole then the problems are more him then you realize. After that point I would either take a break from each other (though you also said you have basically been seperate for a week already) or break up with him.