Relationship Issues & Advice

[XxOxX]

Ok so I met this boy about 2 months ago and I had thought I had a crush on him. I don't know, I mean I was relieved when he wasn't at school so we didn't have to talk but I seemed to be always thinking of him. Anyway, he asked me out a week ago and I said yes. We've been holding hands, touching but no kiss yet. I have been just stressing out about him this whole time and seem to have no romantic feelings what so ever. I mean I do catch myself wanting to hang out with him but then I just go into stressing out about it being awkward. Any action toward him in a romantic manner from me has been simply a robotic impulse to seem like a girlfriend. Is it too early to tell if I should end it or am I just being nervous (one of my first bfs, I broke up with the first 2 after 24 hours bc I couldn't stand the anxiety/feelings of suffocation or being trapped). The thought of kissing completely turns me off when I'm with him but I still fantasize about it. Wtf is wrong with me?! Thanks for reading/replying to my hopelessly confusing post TT-TT

also my heart sinks and I go into cold sweat just from getting a text from him -.-

[stayclassy · Accepted solution]

I think you have some commitment issues here but you are trying to face your fear.

I really think you should stick it out with this guy. I really think you should have some kisses with him before you decide to break it off or not. I think a part of you wants him and then the commitment phobic side is trying to get you to run away. Have you tried cuddling with this guy yet? Meaning, getting even closer where you can hear each other's breathing and heart beating. After you get closer to him I think you should tell him about your issue here because maybe he would be able to help and be more sensitive to the times where you can't cuddle because you might feel suffocated. But don't run.

Either that or you like the idea of the guy but not so much the real him, which is why you want him when he's not around more than when he is. But when you told me about the previous relationships and how you felt suffocated, I think you have the commitment phobia I mentioned earlier.

It's very important to be able to create and maintain healthy relationships. It's part of growing up. Read this article and observe how it makes you feel:

Lesson #5: Helping Your Relationship Stick
Talk to your partner about your concerns and schedule a visit with a counselor who is experienced in this area. It may seem counterintuitive but sometimes commitment-phobes just need to know that you will stick with them through good and bad before they take the next step. Let them know that you’ll never leave them and that you are serious about marriage and forever after. Run by a scene of what life would be like, showing them that it won’t change as drastically as they think it may. Explain to them that you are not interested in controlling your life together, you are anxious to help each other grow as individuals. These tips may help you work through some of the road bumps. After all, non-committers are deeply longing for a permanent relationship too; they’re just too scared to do it.

Via http://www.divinecaroline.com/22071/83438-love-lessons-commitment-phobes-or/2#ixzz2FKlKqmUW

[XxOxX]

Thank you! Your answer is really helpful and I'll definitely listen to your advice and stick it out. Today was a cold day at school so we were kinda cuddling while standing with a group and it did make my heart skip a beat or two. I think you're right about my fear of commitment because my independence and personal space is sacred to me and anything that threatens to take that away becomes the enemy

[stayclassy]

He's not trying to take your independence away. He just likes you and wants to be with you so remember that next time you think he or the relationship is the enemy. I consider myself an independent woman and I really enjoy having someone there that I care about and that cares about me. I have no issue being alone (I was single for 5 years before my boyfriend) but having someone there is wayyyyyyy better. You also don't have to be together 24/7 in a relationship so you can definitely create time just for yourself.

As long as you are willing to work on your fear, you can overcome it

[XxOxX]

Yeah I guess you're right I am seriously considering ending it though if things don't feel better after a month or so because it seems all feelings I have for him a purely platonic :/ Thank you so much for all your help though!