I was best friends with this boy, B. He is the first boy I was romantically involved with after being in love with a boy for 7 years, M. But my father hated him, and forced me to break up with him. A month or two after B and I were no longer together, I hooked up with his friend, K. B wasn't mad at K at all about this, but he resented me for it. I felt awful, though it wasn't fair, because we were no longer dating, and what happened between K and I was just for fun. I ran away from home to try and repair our friendship, because B was the boy who saved me from M. He definitely didn't mind hooking up with me all the time, but his emotions didn't seem to change. One night, around late September or early October, he brought K over to my place. They told me that they had alcohol, but wouldn't share it with me unless I took my shirt off. I said no, that I don't need their alcohol, and kept my shirt on. Eventually, they both held me down, and ripped my clothes off. They took turns kissing me and touching me. For example, B would kiss me while K would finger me. And then K would kiss me while B would finger me in both my vagina and my anus. I was obviously not compliant, but, I'm thin and small and there's no way I could fight off two boys. So I layed there and waited for them to be done. B started calling me a whore and insulting me, like I wasn't even there. Then they both left. I was so panicked and I was freaking out, and my first thought was to call M, so I did. But it was the middle of the night and I don't think he understood me. When I did finally tell M, he told someone else that he didn't feel bad about what happened to me. And he continued being friends with B and K. And I'm back with my family. And I feel so broken and alone and distant and disconnected and homicidal and suicidal and talking about it with a therapist just seems to make it worse, if anything. The people I love just...**bleep** on me. And I kind of expect it at this point. I'm afraid of people, I hate going out in public. I get panicked even just going to the movies. I don't want to make new friends because the friends I've had don't care. The one person I've ever been able to really talk to, M, doesn't feel bad that I was raped by two of his friends, even though he dated me for 3 years and still continued to see me up until he tried to take advantage of me one night, too, which is why I fell out of love with him and got together with B in the first place. So **bleep**ing talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire. I'm done with everything, I'm done with this awful world.
Boards
