Rape Support

[SouthernPride25]

I have a real good friend, let's call her Sally, who I have been best friends with since I was in Middle School, and we are both 25.. I have a lot of cousins in the family, so one day I added him on facebook last week, and he messaged me asking me if I had any single friends.. Well i didn't think anything about it.. I said no most of them are married.. He is 18 BTW.. Let's call him Jim ... So I said Ill ask around idk... Well He says Idc what she looks liKe, just tell her to text me and give her my #! I said no she is too old for you... He's like so age is just a number blah blah... Well come to find out he talked his way over to her house behind my back and now she's coming out saying that he forced her and made her do it, by ripping her clothes off for 30 minutes!!!!! I feel terrible, but everyone says it's not my fault, so what should I do, stay out of it or?? Sally and I are Christian girls so we have been praying, but I feel like this situation has affected my life more than hers! any advice to get past this is greatly appreciated!! She and I are still friends and I'm not speaking to Jim.. It's really scary

[flamingoccm]

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SouthernPride25 wrote:
I have a real good friend, let's call her Sally, who I have been best friends with since I was in Middle School, and we are both 25.. I have a lot of cousins in the family, so one day I added him on facebook last week, and he messaged me asking me if I had any single friends.. Well i didn't think anything about it.. I said no most of them are married.. He is 18 BTW.. Let's call him Jim ... So I said Ill ask around idk... Well He says Idc what she looks liKe, just tell her to text me and give her my #! I said no she is too old for you... He's like so age is just a number blah blah... Well come to find out he talked his way over to her house behind my back and now she's coming out saying that he forced her and made her do it, by ripping her clothes off for 30 minutes!!!!! I feel terrible, but everyone says it's not my fault, so what should I do, stay out of it or?? Sally and I are Christian girls so we have been praying, but I feel like this situation has affected my life more than hers! any advice to get past this is greatly appreciated!! She and I are still friends and I'm not speaking to Jim.. It's really scary

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It isn't your fault. You're not clairvoyant so there's no way you could have known what he was going to do. If she really wants something to happen, she should go to the cops. Unfortunately, it's too late for a rape kit at the hospital, she's probably taken a shower since then, and she's probably washed the clothes she was wearing...If she hasn't washed those clothes (undergarments included), she needs to put them in a bag and take them to the cops when she presses charges. The biggest problem in prosecuting rape is without the rape kit and a pelvic exam that shows scarring/trauma, it tends to turn into he-said-she-said. I still think you should report it. Rapists don't generally stop at one.

If your friend is the one who was raped, I can't imagine how you'd think it would really impact your life more...but obviously, I don't really know. Then again...was she actually raped? You said he "made her do it by ripping her clothes off for 30 minutes" but I'm really not sure what that means. What exactly is she saying she was forced to do--you're extremely vague?

Bottom line, you can't do anything. If she wants to press charges, she's going to have to do it. Don't make this about you, either. You were NOT the one who was raped. Even though "Jim" is your cousin, it really has nothing to do with you. Support HER.

[SouthernPride25]

Thank you! Well, she has a way of being real gullible, and she told me that he kept pestering her, so she decided to go ahead and let her come to her house, which is a detail that I did not know about! She said that she let him inside and that they went in her bedroom, she told him NO but he wouldn't listen to her, that he was too strong and forced her down on the bed and raped her for 30 minutes, told her he didn't cum, pulled up his pants and just left, and you are right it has turned into a he said she said.. He is saying that she wanted it, but when she came by a couple days later, she broke down and started crying and told me please don't be mad! She's afraid to tell her mom because her sister left her two sons, and they go to court tomorrow to get full custody of them, and if she reports it, he said he has proof! But I belie e that this was a miscommunication situation. She goes to the doctor next week. So I believe she don't want to push the issue bc of her little nephews! But I feel like he needs to be locked up, but they are both the legal!

[flamingoccm]

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SouthernPride25 wrote:
Thank you! Well, she has a way of being real gullible, and she told me that he kept pestering her, so she decided to go ahead and let her come to her house, which is a detail that I did not know about! She said that she let him inside and that they went in her bedroom, she told him NO but he wouldn't listen to her, that he was too strong and forced her down on the bed and raped her for 30 minutes, told her he didn't cum, pulled up his pants and just left, and you are right it has turned into a he said she said.. He is saying that she wanted it, but when she came by a couple days later, she broke down and started crying and told me please don't be mad! She's afraid to tell her mom because her sister left her two sons, and they go to court tomorrow to get full custody of them, and if she reports it, he said he has proof! But I belie e that this was a miscommunication situation. She goes to the doctor next week. So I believe she don't want to push the issue bc of her little nephews! But I feel like he needs to be locked up, but they are both the legal!

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What do you mean he has proof? I don't care if she did say she'd sleep with him before he came over. The moment she said "no" and he kept going, it was rape. That simple. The only "miscommunication" here is that he did not stop when she said no. 

Her nephews don't have anything to do with the situation, so if she's going to choose not to press charges over that, I think she's making a mistake. They'll get custody regardless of her rape case. 

I don't understand what you mean by "they are both the legal." Can you clarify?

[SouthernPride25]

He told her he has proof through the text messages, which is a lie, and that is true, I know she is making a mistake by not reporting this but she's afraid her mom will kick her out ofcthe house... Meaning they are both legal adults, him being 18, and she being 25.

[flamingoccm]

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SouthernPride25 wrote:
He told her he has proof through the text messages, which is a lie, and that is true, I know she is making a mistake by not reporting this but she's afraid her mom will kick her out ofcthe house... Meaning they are both legal adults, him being 18, and she being 25.

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He may have text messages saying that she was willing at first, but that's not a legal contract or anything. Like I said, as soon as she said no and he kept going, it became rape. 

I think her mom would be crazy to kick her out of the house because she got raped. And I'm not sure what being legally adults has to do with anything...