Older Girls (18+, please)

[apple-tart]

Ah this might be long and pointless but I'm just thinking while I'm writing so thank you if you actually read it all.

I've always been one of those people that likes to have a plan, even if it's just a temporarry plan, I just like having some idea about the future. I'm almost done with school, I just need to do one more semester and then my student teaching (I should already be done but after transftering and doing one year that didn't apply to my major I'm a little behind.) I know that I want to start working when I finish school and wait a year or two and then go for my masters online while I work. I'm still living at home so I also know that I want to save up some money before I move out. My parents rent out this house up the street from us so I'm sort of waiting the the guy who lives there now to move out so I can live there. 

So I'm sort of pleased with my little outline of a plan for all that. The part where I really get stuck is when it comes to my boyfriend. We talk about the future a little bit but he's three years younger than me so he still has a lot of his own stuff to figure out. This doesn't really bother me, I understand that when it comes to certain things we are just at different places in our lives and I don't want to do anything to make him stress or grow up to fast.

I guess one of the problems I'm facing now is the fact that he lives far away. I know that if we do work out that I would eventually want to move closer to him but it wouldn't exactly be easy for me to get a job there unless I had been teaching here for three years and having me masters will make that a lot easier as well. I do know that he would be willing to live here for a while once he finishes school, that way I can finish all that stuff. I know this just because he used to say he would never move away from where he lives but recently he said he would feel bad making me move away from my home so he didn't care where we ended up. So I really don't think living here for a couple of years would bother him. 

The thing is that I would sort of like to start planning for that possible happening, I would at least like to know that it is a possibility that way I can factor all that into all the things I am going to be doing in the coming years. I just don't know if it's appropiate to talk to him about this yet. I really don't want to freak him out. Is there any way I can bring this up to him without making it seem like a big deal? 

[ayeayeaye]

Like you say, you still have some time. You can't move closer with your boyfriend until you're more qualified which would happen a few years down the road. There's a chance that while you do that he'll move closer to you, or that the two of you can wait for longer or that you'll break up for unknown reasons. I understand liking to make plans, but remember that nothing is set in stone. Just take it one day at a time and when the moment comes to make a decision you'll see then.

When the time comes to talk to him, say "hey, look, I'm going to finish university and I'm trying to figure out what we're going to do next. Since I can't move over there for now, do you want to move here or do we just wait?". You don't have to freak him out, but you'll have to discuss it eventually and he'll have to grow up a bit and at least give you an honest answer about how he feels at that point, even if that answer is that he's not prepared to move and that he'd prefer being long-distance for a while longer. The best way to bring it up is probably without making a huge deal out of it. Yes, it's a big discussion and it's going to be scary, and the answer can end up having an effect on your relationship, but ultimately the last thing you want is to put pressure on either of you. Just ask him what he thinks and state what you think, without necessarily assuming that whatever the outcome is, that it'll be a gigantic gamechanger or that you can't both work together to be closer eventually. Good luck to you, hopefully it'll all go well. ^^