Older Girls (18+, please)

[alegnatm]

We've been together for about 4ish months now, and I really like him. There's times when he can be so fun and sweet and we have a good time together.

But he's a very introverted person, and so am I so its usually okay, but I do like to go out sometimes and it would be nice if he would come out and just have some fun with me!

He doesn't show emotions or feelings well at all, it makes him genuinely uncomfortable, and I mean whatever he's a guy and some guys are like that, but he shows his affection for me by picking on me and like joking around which is okay, but I need him to be serious some of the time and tell me how he's feeling because I pretty much can never ever tell 

I am only 21 (hes only 22) and I like to go out and have a good time, go to the bars and dance and drink and socialize, but he can't stand going out to crowded places and when I tell him I am going to a party or to the bars to have drinks he almost mocks me and acts like what I am doing is so immature and stupid because its not what he is interested in doing, that's how he is about most things, if its not something he agrees with or enjoys he mocks it and finds it stupid, and I just feel like I can't talk to him about anything without getting a negative response because he doesn't understand.

or if I ask him about his day he gives me all these non-answers and more specifically last night I was asking him about something that he did and he got weirded out by my questioning and I told him I am just interested in what he does and he seemed like he didn't understand that or know what to say.

I just feel like I might need someone who is a bit more emotionally available, I don't know. Whenever he texts me and we talk hes always saying things I know he wouldn't say to me in person, calling me pet names and beautiful and telling me things about himself, and when we first met online all we would do was text for hours and tell each other everything so I know that there is a sweet and emotional guy in there but I don't know how to bring that out of him in person. Should I just give it more time to try and make him more comfortable and see if he will open up more?

I think a lot of the reason i have been bothered by this so much lately is because I am going through a lot of emotional crap right now and I really just want to be able to talk to him. I am dealing with anxiety and I got put on medication and I told him about it and he goes "you know what I do when I get anxiety? I just stop giving a **bleep**" Nice huh? 

[hotjamale]

It makes it hard because he says really nice things in texts and stuff, but to be honest, it doesn't really sound like he's ready/willing to be there for you. It sounds like he's got a lot of his own issues to work out, but mocking your girlfriend is definitely not an acceptable way to treat them. Today my boyfriend is going for a hike with his twin brother (we all live together) and asked me if I wanted to come, and I absolutely despise hiking haha so I told him no, I don't. Later when he was getting ready to go, he told me if I didn't want him to go he wouldn't. And I told him if he wanted to go, he should definitely go. Just because I don't like doing something that he likes doing, it doesn't mean I should make fun of him for doing it and enjoying it.

I draw and paint a fair bit, and he does NOT like anything to do with art at all. Absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. But he always encourages me to paint, because he knows I like it and knows that it makes me happy. He will look at my work and tell me what he thinks, even though he has no interest in art at all and really doesn't understand what I like about it.

He is a very active early morning, early nights kind of person, so we often get up early and go snowboarding together. Something that we both enjoy doing, except I don't like the early morning parts. But, I'm a late night type and not a morning person at all, so we often go out partying and sleep in together and have lazy days. He also likes partying, and I like sleeping in, so we just compromise and do our best to keep eachother and ourselves happy.  Relationships really need to involve respecting/trying to understand who the other person is and what they enjoy, even if it's different from your interests.

Sorry.. I just completely went on a rant haha. If i were you, I would talk to him about all of what you just typed, and maybe let him know this is a deal breaker for you. Tell him you need more support from him, and you need to feel like he's there for you and isn't just there to make fun of you. If he can't step it up a notch and be a good, caring boyfriend, I say move on and find someone who can.

[alegnatm]

That's kind of what I've been thinking, its just so hard to talk to him because of how uncomfortable he can get about things.

I don't want to just give up on it though because I know that there is a really sweet and caring guy in there, he just does not express that in person at all and I don't know why.

Hes really into cars too, like REALLY and I am not at all, but if he starts telling me about his projects and things I listen and whatnot and I support his passion for it. And then when he tells me he's spending X amount of money or X amount of time in the garage he expects me to get upset or something and its like why would I? It's YOUR money and time. 

I am really into doing hair and I see people and gossip and blah blah and when I try to come home and tell him stuff I hear or about people I talk to sometimes he barely even listens, like I know its not the most interesting thing in the world for him but be can ar least have the courtesy to listen, and then he's always got something negative to say.

And most of the time I can't even get him to talk to me about what's going on in his life anyways like if I ask him how his day was he shrugs and goes "meh." And I can't get him to elaborate at all, I feel like he genuinely does not understand why I would want to hear about his day or problems. 

[I.Am.Lily]

OMG!!! the part about him being really into cars hit home with me haha. My guy LOVES his car. It's a drift car so it has a lot of problems and he's always complaining about it and blah blah blah. I get mad at him about that becuase 1) he doesn't really have money to be spend on that car (he's in debt and his only 19 xD) and 2) it's always breaking down. Just last week he had a gas leak, he fixed it, and today he told me, it's leaking again smh. I only get annoyed at the fact that he spends money that he really needs for other stuff, on it and then complains about not having enough. Aside from that I support he's passion, I even help out money wise (and I know **bleep** about cars xD) He's always showing pictures about cars he likes and tells me he's going to buy this and that from his car, and I listen, try to understand what those parts are and what they do.

But when I tell him about what I want to do or like you said gossip, he listens but doesn't interact. It pisses me off and he knows it does but says "you know I don't know about that." or "cool" and I tell him "well I don't know crap about cars, yet I listen and actually talk back unlike you" which causes him to get annoyed.

And about not getting him to talk, is exactly like my bf. I try asking him stuff about his day or anything and he gives me short answers, one word answers. I ask him then "do you want to talk?" he says "I'm talking aren't I?" I can not get him to talk or open up to me. He's not one for showing emotions or anything (and he's a pisces and they're supposed to be the most emotional sign)

sorry about the litle rent, but what you are saying is almost exactly what I feel and stuff. Nice to know I'm not the only one with that same problem I guess. But you shouldn't give up, it's a slow process. I've been my guy for about 15 months and I'm slowly getting him to talk to me. It's not much but it's a lot more than how it used to be. It'll be worth it

[bruce-county-c…]

My boyfriend is very emotionally distant most of the time as well, and when it comes to the idea of going out and having fun, he hates going to bars and has a tendancy to get jealous depending on who I am with if I go out without him. He also doesn't like to show his emotions or express how he is feeling about things, he has been hurt pretty bad in the past so it hard for him to open up to people. We have been together for over a year, and were friends for almost four years before that. During this he usually only opens up sometimes, and a lot of the time I will get part of an answer, but never a full one. He is also better at expressing himself over texting and emails compared to talking in person. He has come a long way though. He really does try to open up to me, and I will ask how things are and trying to ask questions to get him to talk to me, but I find waiting for him to be willing/able to answer is something that takes a bit. Its like he needs to work up the courage to express his feelings out loud.

He does have his moments, where I know he cares for me, such as he will surprise me with dinner when I get home from classes, or I will have a doodle on my windshield when I am about to get into my car. Its his way of showing me he cares.

Maybe just mention that having him there for you helps you get through things and sometimes all you need is to know he is there to support you and you are there to support him.

Now when it comes to your boyfriend insulting you,your friends and hobbie and not being very supportive of you when you are stressed out and anxious, I don't agree with how he is behaving. That is very rude behaviour that I don't think anyone should have to deal with. That would be a big conversation thing. If he's not willing to be there for you when you need him and he doesn't look to you for support and ideas, than I'm not sure how worth it things may be.

I hope you are able to get some answers from him.

Good Luck with everything!

[hotjamale]

Sorry this reply is so late!!!

If you dont feel ready or willing to let him go, then you need to get him to open up to you any way that you can. Tell him you don't like it when he says something you don't like. I know it's sort of annoying to have to do that, but if he cares about you, he will make an effort.

Maybe next time he talks about cars, do what he does (dont listen or engage at all) and if you see him sort of react to it a little bit, maybe having a conversation about it all will be easier because he will better understand how it feels to be in your shoes. JUst make sure you don't bring it up in an accusatory tone or wording. Keep it simply a conversation and no pointing fingers

[alegnatm]

Thanks for the responses girls.

I don't really know what to do. I know that he cares about me, he's just so closed off emotionally. And he expresses affection by picking on me, and he's made it very obvious that this is just how he is and pretty much its not going to change.

Don't get me wrong though he does have his moments where he tells me things (though they are few and far between) and he is very physically affectionate. I just feel like I can already see us having communication issues.