Mental Illness Support

[bizarrexx]

Hi

About four years ago I was diagnosed with a panic disorder, PTSD, and depression...and then two years ago, the depression diagnosis was thrown out the window and replaced with Bipolar Disorder II. I must say, it was a very long and bumpy road to even get to that diagnosis because at the time I was only 16 and some Psychiatrists have a difficult time diagnosing young teens with this disorder seeing as how the teen is still growing and hormones can be a contributing factor to some symptoms that may match up with BPII.

For anyone that is suffering from a mental illness, I just wanted to take the time to say that it's OKAY. It in no way makes you "crazy" or any of the other names people may come up with. You are still YOU. All that happens is you have your "moments." But honestly...who doesn't?

Medication wise, I know how difficult that can be. Over my four year battle with my mental illness I have been on various mediactions and I have suffered the many side effects they all came with. It gets hard. I understand. You continuously go through medication after medication and you may be on your fifth or sixth one and you think to yourself "Oh my god....I'm broken...nothing is working..." But let me tell you this....you will find your mix. It took me four years to finally get stable. I have tried so many mixes and so many medications and I can't tell you how many times that I wanted to give up...but I didn't.

And here I am now. I'm functioning. I'm not lying in bed for days on end and I'm not staying up all night in a panic/manic episode going out of my mind. I sleep, I have fun, I laugh.

If you stick with your treatment, you keep your head in the game with your medication or any other form of treatment you may be trying or recieving, you will see positive results.

Things may seem rough now, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel...no matter how dark and endless your tunnel may seem.

<3

[miaw028]

Hi! Can I just comment.. I admire people who are true to themselves and are not afraid what people think of them, especially in peer groups where having a mental illness could cause condescending looks and gossip. I have friends who have depression and addiction problems. In my opinion, calling them problems is an undestatement. I've seen them go through their problems and, I mean, it's just so sooo hard to see the people close to your heart go through such a phase. To some degree, they don't enjoy like normal kids do. Thankfully, I'm pathologically optimistic. And honestly, I don't understand why my friends with those problems react so differently with miniature stresses in life compared to my other chemically-balanced friends or to me. So, yea, good for you that you've managed to overcome that... Really mean it! kudos to you!

[bizarrexx]

Thank you very much!!! That means a lot to me, mostly because of how long it took me to get to this ponit!

[muzikninja]

I can't say im ASHAMED of having Social Anxiety, S.A.D, and severe insomnia. But sometimes I wish I didn't have it. It's been especially difficult for me because my mom never let my doctors put me on medication because she didnt want me to be dependant on it for the rest of my life and wanted me to have the chance to see if I'd grown out of it, and we've never been able to afford a therapist. I was diagnosed with depression after talking about thinking about suicide when i was 9 (i was so young i didnt even realize what it was so it was really scary for me) because of being severely bullied. Throughout the rest of elementry school I went through therapy with the school councelor and she taught me excercises to help with my mood and my mental state when the other kids did start to torment me. It got so bad one time in class that i was digging my nails into my face and i ended up bleeding because i wanted to punch this girl in the face but knew i couldnt because i'd get into trouble. and the bullying is what's caused this social anxiety. since then my depression has evolved into S.A.D. I'm really happy durring summer (mainly cuz i'm not around my peers very much), I feel alright durring fall, i isolate myself durring winter because im starting too get tired of everybody and all their drama and how they talk **bleep** about everyone (part of the reason why most of my friends are in their 20s) , but durring spring i start to slowly feel better because i know summer is just around the corner and dont have to deal with people anymore. Its also been difficult because my dad doesnt believe mental illnesses are real, he says their just excuses so that negative people can get away with pissing people off. He blames my insomnia on EVERYING other than what it is, my anxiety. when i was younger he'd blame it on "that book", in junior high it was "my phone" or "my music" and now its "my laptop". he refuses to see the trend that no matter what i have around me i'm stll up at 2 or 3 in the morning and i'm restless. my sister isn't too supportive either. she often calls me an overly sensitive bitch and says i need to get over myself. she's 6 years older than me. so throughout all this, i often felt like the only person i could rely on was myself. Lately however, ive been feeling MUCH better because i found a guy who ACCEPTED this about me and is amazing. He lets me vent when i need to vent, he doesnt try to one up me and turn my mental illness into some sort of competition (i had a boyfriend that did that and it pissed me off). ther have been moments where it was 1 in the morning and i'd wake up feeling like crying for no reason and i'd text him and 10 minutes later he'd be at my door to give me a hug. he gives me what i've needed most to be able to accept this about myself and thats support. He tries to understand but admits to not being able to understand me at times and gets frustrated, but i dont blame him. all i care is that he really does try. my S.A.D hasnt hit me quite so hard this year and i think thats because he's been forcing me out of my house to do things. ANYWAY back to my point.....although i wish i didnt have it at times, i think it was a blessing in disgues. Its taught me to be tolerant with people and to accept peoples differences and quirks. I may not have many friends, but i am able to respect (most) people for what they are. I have a hard time being able to respect people who are quite obviously fake and try way too hard to fit into a stereotype. and i just have to say, if i can get through this without medication, minimal thereapy, and virtually no support, then anyone else can too. they just have to be willing to try to overcome it. 

[bizarrexx]

Though it may not mean much coming from a complete stranger, I'm very proud of you I give you major points for being able to go through this without medication. You have been through a lot and being able to turn all of that around and look at it positively and to have made it out of that rough time with your head held high takes a special type of person. Again, I'm very proud of you. Thank you for sharing <3

[muzikninja]

thanks. it actually does mean something to me. And just like any normal person i still have days where i just want to give up completely and wonder if its all worth it, but then i look at the things in my life that make me happy like my boyfriend, and my niece who turns 2 in march, and the fact that i'll have a nephew i can finally shower in batman and dinosaurs coming into the world in june and i see that it is worth it. Music and dance have been a major saviors for me as well.

[bizarrexx]

That's fantastic! Do you play an instrument or is it just listening to music?

[muzikninja]

Well i've been dancing since i was 2, so about 16 years now, and ive been singing for about 5 so its honestly the lyrics in music thats helped me and being able to tell my story with my body when I'm dancing, but other people not being able to know EXACTLY what i'm trying to express. It makes me feel like i can "say" whats on my mind without the risk of getting judged or turned down. Plus i learned how to take the negative energy that would build up and transform it into a tool to motivate me with dance and really pushed myself to improve. It allowed me to feel pain without destroying my body. It was a healthy kind of pain. It was sore muscles telling me just how hard i worked and in dance sore muscles are always a good sign.