Fooling Around

[stephaaa]

First of all, I hope you're all having Happy Holidays and enjoying vacation! So, this is the situation:

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and four months, we've known each other for about four years, and have an AMAZING relationship. We've been having sex for a year now, and he was my first. There's a lot of love, communication, and trust in this relationship. We're not perfect, but we're strong. Now, on the the reason I'm posting here. He recently asked me about how I would feel about trying anal sex. I'm honestly TERRIFIED, but, he made very valid points. It is more intimate, and he said that if he were going to try anything "freaky" or "taboo", he'd rather try it with me and only me, since he sees me as his future wife and mother of his children, as you can tell, this is a very serious and longterm relationship. Now, I know he'd do anything for me, and anything I'd ask him, no matter how freaky or nasty, and I figured, hell, why not? But the truth is, I am very scared of it. I have a feeling I won't enjoy it, but in all honesty, I am very curious... yes, it's a bit weird to admit, but I agree that if I were going to do something so crazy and taboo, I'd rather it be with someone who I know I can trust, and that if at any moment I am uncomfortable, or it hurts, he will immediately stop, and probably feel so guilty he'd cry. But that's not the point. I'm also scared to make him feel bad, or I guess I mean to say that I'm scared that I won't enjoy it, and he loses out. He's told me time and time again that he does want to try it, but he can live without it if I say no, it's not crucial to our sex life, which makes me feel great! I don't want him to know that I'm curious and willing to try it, because I don't want to hear an "I told you so". I do want to have an adventurous and spicy sex life, and I definitely would love to have a level of intimacy that would bring us closer, even if we don't need that extra intimacy, as husband and wife, I'd feel much closer. I just want to know from experienced ladies, how bad will it hurt? I've read all about how to have a pain-free and pleasurable *act*, but I need to know if it's a pain that will persist, will it always hurt every time we try it? What lube did you find the most helpful? What condoms were more comfortable for your partner? And last but not least, is it really, genuinely, enjoyable??

Thanks in advance! And sorry it was so long!

[bethoney96 · Accepted solution]

Well, I can tell you from experience, if it hurts then its not being done right. I know that sounds a little wierd but it's true. I mean, like all new sex things, the first time you try it, you're going to feel uncomfortable and maybe a little dirty, but dirty sex is the best sex. Hahah. Now on a serious note, I think that you should tell your beau that you'll give it one try and if you don't like it, he doesn't get to do it anymore, it's your body and you have all the rights to it. But if you're down for it, then here are a few tips.

1.) It's nerve-wracking, so BREATH.

2.) You need to use A LOT of lube. A LOT. This will SIGNIFIGANTLY reduce pain.

3.) You need to prep yourself. I know its wierd, -_-, but butt plugs or even a few fingers can do the trick. 

4.) He needs to be AS GENTLE AS A BUTTERFLY. If he just rams it into your ass, then he could rip your rectal lining, wish trust me, kills. -_-

5.) Just like losing your vaginal virginity, going as deep as possible the first time kills, so make sure its slow and steady. And a lot of emotions and feelings come with this. He needs to make you feel as comfortable as possible, and he definantly needs to know that when you say Stop, to STOP. 

6.) You should talk about it after. See how he feels, and how you feel. But I warn you, sometimes, during anal, you can relese a bit of **bleep**, so he better be prepared. A anal douche, or just a very thourough shower will do.

I hope this helps! Let me know how it goes for you! (: 

GOOD LUCK <3

[stephaaa]

Thank you! I love your honesty, and how you tell me it does hurt, rather than sayingsomething like "it depends on how much pain you can handle" or whatever. I have gay friends who have warned me about the bleeding and the possible $#!t. He and I have talked about it, and he has made it very clear that it's all on my terms, and definitely when I say stop, he will stop. But one question, do you suggest that if I am comfortable with it, to go through with the actual penile penetration? And also, we are in a long distance relationship, so doing it twice a week to make sure it won't hurt every single time is a bit out of the question... does it hurt more or the same way after about maybe two weeks to a month, or will it be at least a tad easier?

[pinkheart]

bethany,  I hope I can remeber all of those tips.  From reading them it sounds like you know what should and shouldnt be done.