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12-22-2012 04:15 PM
Hey, I'm Emilie. I used to post on Gurl a few years ago, now I'm back.
The past few years have been very very hard on me. I don't even know where to begin.
Things started getting really bad when I got pregnant with my son.
I was 17, my dad was not happy with me. Our relationship got even more strained then it already was.
My stepmother now had a reason to call me names, talk about how slutty I was (even though my son's father is who I lost my virginity to, and I got pregnant after having sex for only a month).
After having my son, it only got worse. I suffered with postpartum depression pretty severely.
I locked myself in my room with my son and was very antisocial, I slept whenever I possibly could. It just was not a good situation. My dad and stepmom took that as me being "disrespectful".
My last straw living there was my stepmom telling me that she wanted to "punch me in the face every time she saw me and it took everything in her power not to." And that the only reason why she didn't punch me in the face was because she didn't want to go to jail. She was saying these things as I was sitting there holding my 2 month old son, and my Dad sat there saying nothing. I confronted him about not standing up for me, and he defended her saying that he would have defended me if he thought it was necessary. I'm sorry, but if ANYONE ever said that to my son, they would never be allowed around him again.
Because I finally voiced my opinion, they kicked me out. This was June of 2011.
Here I am, 17, with a 2 month old son, suffering from postpartum depression, with nowhere to go.
My real mom wanted to charge me $600/month in rent to share a room with my little sister.
I couch hopped all summer, and the first half of my Senior year in high school, while working two jobs.
My Grandpa finally let me move in with him, and I lived there until I graduated high school.
Luckily, I got the fire inside me to prove everyone wrong, and ended up graduating high school,and got accepted into my top choice college, with scholarships.
Fast forward to now. Its December 2012, and I have no clue what I am doing.
I live on campus at my college in a two bedroom apartment, all to myself unless I have my son (which is half the time).
I am in one of the best nursing programs in the country, and I'm almost positive I don't want to be.
I am only doing this to keep my family happy, and to be able to support myself and my son after college.
I really want to be a teacher. Or go to culinary school, but those aren't good enough.
I am depressed. Not in the "oh I'm just not feeling good" kind of way. In the I don't get out of bed for days at a time, I don't eat, I don't sleep kind of way.
I have no one but my boyfriend. He lives about half an hour away and because of our ar situation only see eachother a few times a month.
All of my friends ditched me after I had my son, because of one reason or another.
I spent Thanksgiving alone. I am going to spend Christmas alone.
I have no money to buy son presents, so I asked family to give me money ahead of time to buy him presents instead of actually getting me anything for Christmas or my birthday.
My birthday hasn't been celebrated since I turned 16.
My family doesn't want me. They outrightly tell me they have no interest in me besides my son.
The only thing keeping me alive is my son, honestly.
If I didn't have him, I honestly think I would have already killed myself.
I don't know where to turn anymore. My doctor won't help me.
My therapist just tells me to lessen my stress level. There is nothing that I can remove from my stress load. School is necessary, work is necessary, taking care of my son is necessary.
My so called friends just say to "smile and I'll feel better" or "don't take everything so seriously" or "it will get better!"
They don't understand at all.
If you read this, thank you.
If you reply, thank you even more. I need someone or more then one person to talk to, just to get my feelings out. It would help tremendously.
February 11th, 1994.
Mother of a beautiful son.
March 9th, 2011.
12-26-2012 12:57 AM
Believe it or not buy you are one tough girl.
You've been through more than enough to prove so.
I'm not the type to say "Oh keep smiling." even though that is considered good advice in some way.
I stick up and say what is needed to be said.
The way your family treats you isn't right but I'm glad you have the strength to prove them all wrong.
Cliche as this be but I believe in you and I may be young but I have been through some pretty gruesome hardships myself.
I am always willing to lend some eyes to read from you or even an ear if we ever have a voice conversation.
Your depression can be overcomed. Trust me, mine was severe to the smae point but I've overcomed it.
To be frank they can just suck it because for a person like you and your state you are doing pretty damn fine and I'm always here to talk.
I'm just your wandering lovable weirdo...
12-28-2012 01:37 PM
Powpowthemental is totally right. You are one tough cookie, and a good mother to your son. Your family should be supporting you, not making you feel worse. You seem like the type of person who will do what needs to be done, and thats the atitude you need to get through this. What is happening at the moment is tempeory, remember it can change-hopefully for the better.
Hopeful you have found Gurl's community to be helpful and supportive, and providing the friendship your needing
01-02-2013 11:56 PM
I've felt stressed and angry and depressed a lot before, and then I began to spend more time with people. I realized I had to make time to relax. Every night, just run a warm bath or something and RELAX. Your life has been tough and you're awesome making it this long. Look, it gets better, always. Just wait.
Queen of all things magical and natural. Here's my business card.
01-05-2013 07:41 PM
This broke my heart, sorry for this late response <3
I may not know what your going through, I may be just a 13 year old girl. But so you know, I'm here for you.
Congratulations on your son, your a great mother believe it or not, your trying to do everything you can to show everyone, I can do it, I'm good enough, your trying to make your son a good life. Let me tell you, your suceeding.
Excuse me If this is in any way rude, or if you take it that way, I dont meet to burden, but don't listen to your father and step-mother.
Fathers ar supposed to protect their daughters, show them the ways of life, they are supposed to watch their little girl grow up, their supposed to meet all her boyfriend and give them a stern talking, when you get older and find the one, their supposed to tell them to take your hand, they are supposed to hold their grandson/granddaughet with care and love, look at you and say, thats my girl.
Your father should not have said those things to you, he should stick up for you, but your step-mother is probably getting to his head. As for her words said to you, You my dear are NOT a slut. Far from it.
In this generation, girls are around having sex here and there, i know 3 girls at the ageof 14 who are pregnant. You?
Your a great mother. Honestly, i can just tell. Your gonna grow up and show them how great you really are.
Your still young, you still have time to fix mistakes, make your life better, change your point of view. Go out there, do what you want to do, love your son with all your heart, and don't look back. This is your life, this is your time to go out there now.
I'm ALWAYS here. I promise you, you can messge me for my email, facebook, number, anything.
I know it may seem weird, seeing as I'm just a 13 year old girl with no experience in your type of situation, but in a way I do know.
I've been bullied since i was 6, i dropped out of public schooling, im now cyber-schooled but i get cyber-bullying, death threats. I was beaten between the age of 6-9, I've gone through a lot, more than your average 13 year old girl.
I currently have depression, trust issues (my trust issues are really bad) and I'm recovering from a case of eating disorder. I starved myself everyday to the point if i ate something, anything, i would purge.
I don't want you to think your alone, because you ALWAYS have me, and every other girl on this page.
Your story touched my heart. I would love to help in anyway i can, stay strong love xx -Tara <3
01-06-2013 03:02 AM
tough as nails girl, that's you. you know what? you don't NEED anyone, you've proven that. but guess what? you have your son, and a boyfriend that loves you - and those two love you more than anything...
you are really lucky in that sense...
I hate my college, only go there because it is supposedly very "good", I'm lonely all the time, I am just escaping from an emotionally abusive relationship and am feeling very lonely. you are so lucky to have a little boy to take care of.
as many fights as I have had with my family, I have come out of it all trying to remember that I am not perfect either.
I feel for you, I really do.
try to have compassion for the things that they are unreasonable about, maybe you can forgive them for your own peace of mind.
ask them honeslty what you can do to regain their trust/etc. and then DO it. be trustworthy. whatever it takes.
take everything one day at a time. you can do it. we are all here to help you