Being Single

[kool_sea]

How realistic is it to stay friends w an ex? We were serious for 3 years
until he decided we were far too young to commit. His main reasons were school
and that he'd like the freedom to meet new people. The school part, I get -
but the meeting people part? No. I'd like to think that we'd still be good
friends.  I know there are things that have to be let go - i.e. lingering feelings, the false hope of 

getting back together, etc - but how does one approach that? I've heard some people stop talking
to each other for about a year until they started to reconnect once again as
friends.

Does anyone have good stories to share on how they've managed to still keep in friendly 
contact with their ex? Have you guys ever hooked up or gone back together?

Or if I'm just being deluded and that NO ONE can really
stay friends w their ex?

[bunny97]

My boyfriend and I were together for 14 months. We broke up, but on the terms of distance. We are still best friends, but when we see each other we pretty much act like we we're a couple because it's not like we *wanted* to break up...it just wasn't working out. So maybe because of the situation it is different, but I am also friends with my other ex, and we were together for 6 months. That took time, though. We were friends for a little bit after the break up, and then he started to resent me. Called me a whore, said I ruined him, that kind of thing. We didn't talk for a while but he came back and I forgave him. We still talk frequently and he is now in a new relationship.

In short, yes, I think it is possible to remain friends with an ex, although the circumstances and time frames of when it happens may differ.

[kool_sea]

Same. When we see each other, he still tells me that he really cares for me.

We still cuddle, hug and kiss and stuff but he's explicitly told me that he doesn't want to lead me on. 

He wants to remain in touch just to see how we're both doing in school.

But at the same time, I'm scared of his freedom.

He's recently told me about the girl friends he's hung out w after our break up. 

I found it odd but I appreciated him telling me about it. 

But I recently saw him add another new girl on FB.

I was honest and told him that I felt it was too soon for him to start talking to someone else. 

I asked him if she's a "prospect" but he denies it.

He says he'll be too busy in school to start something w someone. But I cant really believe that.

Now I don't feel like wanting to be friends w him just yet, but I get up in the morning and I feel sad and lonely and want to call him up. Any advice?

[alegnatm]

Here's my reality check:

you aren't going to get over him if you keep contact like this.

Checking who he's becoming friends with on Facebook is not okay. And maintaining physical contact with him isn't helping either.

9 out of 10 times that I have seen girls who want to maintain friendships with an ex it is because they want to stay in his life to either try and rekindle something with him or to keep an eye on what he is doing. neither of tnese are healthy.

[Ivanna_14]

A break-up pretty much sucks in any situation. But most importantly when you were together for that long. Obviously it´s not going to be easy at all. I know that sounds scary, but it's the truth. And if you really want to keep being friends with this guy you're gonna try to get used to the idea that he might start dating someone soon and prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. If you seriously think it's a good idea for you guys to get back together, don't be too pushy. Don't stalk him (as in following him around, not giving him enough space, etc) give him time to think about what happened between you two. Keep talking to him now and then in a friendly not desperate sort of way, and if it's meant to be, destiny will take action. Personally I think that if he wanted to start seeing other people, you should do the same. If he seriously feels that way, don't push yourself because if you get back together, and he still has those feelings, there's a big chance he might cheat. I hope that helped! Good luck!!

[kool_sea]

Thank you for your sound advice.  

The break up was indeed hard, confusing and terrible. 

He said it was for school, then he started telling me that it was also because

he can't commit to being w me right now and that he wants to meet other people. 

My friends all say he's being immature because he doesn't know what he wants. 

I guess the bottom line is I still haven't accepted that we're done. 

He's told me that this was "Farewell, for now" and said that he would want to get back together again when we've

graduated and finished school. But who really knows what the future brings? I hate destiny. I just hate the fact that

there's really no way of knowing if this is the end for us or the start of something better. 

But in the meantime, everything you said rings true.

He will probably find somebody and there's no way I can ever be

ready for that until I've learned to move on w my life. 

[cestin_forever]

so.. i dated this guy last year and it only lasted 3 months. we really liked each other though. he broke up with me because of family problems. well the beggining of the school year this year we have 2 classes together. we became extremely close again. one night over my winter break we gave each other clues on who we liked. turns out he still liked me and i liked him. but he doesnt wanna date me just yet because of more issues and a girl who was my friend used him (shes younger) and everthing. so i think you can be friends with an ex, it just fepends who that person is and how well/bad the relationship was.

[Beedee137]

I dated this guy for over a year, close to 15 months, and then I broke up with him, because I felt that we were more like really good friends than lovers, which made it hard to be intimate, since it seemed as time went by, he seemed like more of a friend. We've still remained good friends ever since. I don't know if he feels the same, or if he hopes we'd get back together one day, but our friendship seems to be working! And we definiteley have not hooked up since.