Im 20 years old and i had an abortion when i was 17w1d. I was the worst mistake i could have ever made. I chose abortion due to the fact that the father of my unborn son was a POS and was verablly abusive. I knew in no time he would start hitting me. i left him while i was still pregnant and i decided that i would be a single mother of this precious little boy that i was carrying inside of me. well a lot of others things happened with my mother moving out and leaving my brother and i to take care of ourselves and i kept thinking how will i bring a child into this world. i was already stressed out to the max and had done nothing but lost weight. i was 4 months pregnant when i aborted my son and you couldnt even tell. so my question is....im in a new relationship with a wonderful man. he has two daughters of his own and we are very serious. we are trying to finish our family by having a child of our own but he doesnt know that i had an abortion. everyone around me other then my mother step dad and brother know that i had one and i had planned on keeping it that way. but i want our relationship to be nothing but honest and i feel like **bleep** by keeping this from him. he thinks that i had a miscarriage. im scared that it will come up at my drs office when i do get pregnant and he wont know anything about it. im just worried how he will take it. so could someone please help me by telling me how i tell the man that ive fallen in love with that i had a miscarriage before him and it was the biggest mistake i have ever made and hope that he stays around after that?
Im 20 years old and i had an abortion when i was 17w1d. I was the worst mistake i could have ever made. I chose abortion due to the fact that the father of my unborn son was a POS and was verablly abusive. I knew in no time he would start hitting me. i left him while i was still pregnant and i decided that i would be a single mother of this precious little boy that i was carrying inside of me. well a lot of others things happened with my mother moving out and leaving my brother and i to take care of ourselves and i kept thinking how will i bring a child into this world. i was already stressed out to the max and had done nothing but lost weight. i was 4 months pregnant when i aborted my son and you couldnt even tell. so my question is....im in a new relationship with a wonderful man. he has two daughters of his own and we are very serious. we are trying to finish our family by having a child of our own but he doesnt know that i had an abortion. everyone around me other then my mother step dad and brother know that i had one and i had planned on keeping it that way. but i want our relationship to be nothing but honest and i feel like **bleep** by keeping this from him. he thinks that i had a miscarriage. im scared that it will come up at my drs office when i do get pregnant and he wont know anything about it. im just worried how he will take it. so could someone please help me by telling me how i tell the man that ive fallen in love with that i had a miscarriage before him and it was the biggest mistake i have ever made and hope that he stays around after that?
Just start with the truth. It sounds like something you weren't really dealing with personally, which is why you probably had a hard time telling him. I think you were more afraid that you couldn't forgive yourself for what happened. You were in the middle of a horrible relationship and you feared for your own safety. You couldn't imagine bringing that baby into the world when you could barely support yourself. I don't think it makes you a bad person. I think you were someone in an impossible situation and you saw few options for yourself. It's obviously something you're not proud of, and I'm sorry that you have to live with those feelings. For what it's worth, it's not like your relationship with the father is anything like your relationship with your current SO. It sounds like he's an amazing guy, and you are very lucky to have him. Just explain what happened to you and tell him that you weren't ready to talk about what really happened, but you feel awful about keeping it a secret. It wasn't that you didn't trust him--it was just something you are struggling to come to terms with.
Also, I think the doctor will just ask you about incomplete pregnancies (abortion and miscarriage) and live births. Your doctor shouldn't be able to tell if you had an abortion, because a D/C is a procedure that can be done with incomplete miscarriages too.
He can't blame you for things that happened before you met.
You should just tell come out and tell him because what you did is not wrong. It's something you had to do, it was in the past, it was before you met him. It was your decision and you should still stand by it and be honest about it.
Don’t let your wounds make you become someone you’re not.
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