My ex boyfriend

Hi. My name is Parisha. But go ahead and call me Paris. So this is the story of my ex whom I have not been able to throw out of my mind completely as yet after what he did.
So I met him through a social networking site and he was the first person to add me as a friend. We started out by casual chatting and I got to know later that he was my cousin's classmate. We became quite close in a short period. He had a girlfriend and she would always post stuff about love and tag him...obviously flaunting their relation. He would sometimes tell me about the day that they spent together and that his girlfriend was sad because they couldn't meet as often and I would also try to sympathise and try to cheer him up. We exchanged numbers and even talked over on the phone.
Days passed and we became best friends although we had not even met or seen each other..We had a friend in common who lived near my house. She was a year junior to me and we went to the same school together (let's call her Kim). So one day when we were chatting (me and the guy,let's call him AS7) and I could say that he was a bit low. I asked him if anything was bothering him but he just said that he was sick. The next day my junior, Kim asked me if I knew what the matter was with AS7. I told her that i didn't know anything about it and then came the shocker...She said that he confessed to her that he started falling for me and was not proud to say that to me as he already had a girlfriend. I was really taken abackbecause I too liked him but suppressed my feelings as I knew it would be wrong as he was already committed to someone else.
That day when I got home and logged into my account I got a text from him just asking how my day was. Then i asked him if he had anything to tell me. He said that he didn't have anythng specific to say to me. Then I directly told about everything Kim said to me that day. There was no reply for sometime and then a little later he replied and accepted everything. I tried to explain why things couldn't work out for us but he just said that he expressed what he had and that he is not forcing me to be with him. Then he asked if I felt the same way for him and I too confessed that i liked him. After this incident we started talking more and he would occasionaly flirt with me. I too flirted back but at times I also reminded both of us that this is wrong. I even sometimes talked to his girlfriend as she too was my cousin's classmate. I would ask her about their relationship and she would eagerly say that he loves her and she loves him too. This made me a bit sad knowing that I was indulging myself in something that I would regret later. People get attached even to a puppy...he was a guy and slowly he became the most important thing to me. Nothing came above him,not even my family.?
But one day he called me and sounded worried. I asked him about what happened and he said that his girlfriend thought that we both were in a relationship and left him when just a few weeks earlier we vowed that we were and always will be best friends and nothing more than that. AS7 was shattered and I was too because it bothered me that the girl who left him without hearing any explanation from him,mattered to him. But I didn't say anything as I did not want the situation to be about my feelings. AS7 then asked me to be with a guy,Subbu, who was his friend. Firstly I refused but later on he said that all the talking that I did online was with that guy and not with him.I was confused and also felt betrayed that the first guy that I fell for was not even the person that i thought he was. Sometime later I agreed to be with Subbu and I took that decision in anger wanting to show AS7 that I could do better without him.
A month passed.
I was with Subbu but I was pretending to be happy when all I could think of was AS7.Then one day Subbu lied to me about something,and I just broke up with him. Some days later I called AS7 and asked if he was single and whether he would like to be in a relationship with me. Imagine my happiness when he said yes! Finally we started dating..officially.
It was all good for afew months but slowly he started changing. He showed me sides of him that I couldn't believe. He became angry at the slightest of things,was over possessive,dominant,would not allow me to talk to any guy on or off social sites and I did not oppose as when he would go back to his original self he would explain that he behaved so as we were unable to meet. I understood because it was a long-distance relationship and I too felt frustrated at times. But soon in the same year (2014) we met for the first time. It was the most wonderful feeling. We kissed and it was my first kiss and just said 'I love you' to each other. I felt really special that he had come just to meet me.
Months passed and we started having arguments,fights at the end of which only I would say sorry altough mostly the faults were not mine. One day he said that he had to come for a field trip to my place with his class and asked me to meet him. Unfortunately I couldn't and he just started scolding me and saying that I was annoying and stuff. I was really sorry and apologised to him but he wouldn't hear anything.During that time my grades went down,I started isolating from my family and friends.I stayed down most of the time.My friends saw the change and tried to make me understand that he wasn't the guy for me but I just did not listen a thing.
In the same month when he came for the field trip,I found that a certain person was blocked from my social networking account.I asked AS7 as we had each other's password but he said that he did not know anything about it. I had a fake account that I shared with my cousin and I sent a friend request to that person. We started talking and that girl (Babi) was from the same place as my guy. Then i scrolled through her uploads and found one in which my guy posted a comment saying 'I love you' with a certain love sticker that I had customised and sent him. The whole incident shook me. I couldn't be sure still and I asked the girl if she was withanyone by the nameAS7. She said yes and asked me how I knew about that. I didn't reply anything as I couldn't wrap my brain around anything that was happening and directly confronted AS7. He knew he got caught and said thathe made a mistake and begged me for a 2nd chance. He said that he loved only me and would leave Babi as soon as their exams were over.I wanted him.I loved him more than my life,so I agreed. I was only 14.
Time passed but he did not leave her,said that he would after some time. That time never came.?
I went to meet him 1 day the next year but got caught at home doing so. i had my artclasses and I got home late.My parents checked my phone and got to know everything.They asked me to leave him.And clearly I didn't do so.I used to talk to AS7 through my friend's phone when I had the chance. But then I had my boards coming and failed to be in touch as much.
Still,after my exams ended I texted him and asked him if he ws still with that girl.He told me to talk about us and dodged the topic.I tried to bring out Babi's name many times but he would always avoid that topic. So finally I decided that if he can't leave her and?me then i would make him hate me.And so I lied.Lied to him that I got into a relationship with some guy who lived nearby.It was clear that he could not come and check because of the distance,but he vehemently refused to accept it and said that he knew I was lying.
After 2 months(we did not talk during this time) I had befriended a girl with whom I really got close.I shared my story and asked if she would talk to AS7.She agreed and said that she would do anything to help me.So she talked to AS7,asked him about Babi,and as always he avoided the topic.He asked her to ask me to call him,and I did.Then he confronted me about the lie,the one where I said that I was with someone else.I finally confessed and said that I did so to make him hate me.To this he said that he could never hate me.His words-"There are some people who just unknowingly capture a place in the heart...a permanent place..forever..for me that person is you..."..We talked for over an hour and decided that we would not be in a relationship for now and just see where it goes.
His birthday followed soon.I sent him a video of me wishing him and a recording of me singing a song that he liked.
I still had the doubt that he was with that girl although one day he said that he was no more with her.I had her number and I called her one day,asked her if she was with him.She said yes...I was shattered and heartbroken.
The day after i called him and just yelled at him for lying to me.To my shock he just turned back at me and said that he was with his future(Babi) and asked me to stop calling and forcing him to be with me....
I was just speechless...
From that day onwards,we don't talk anymore.But I still cry at night everyday.I miss him and I don't know what to do.Clearly he doesn't value me.But I was with that guy for almost 3 years.And I'm a kinda girl who will love just one for the time and love that person for eternity.I was 13 when I met him.Now I'm 17....
He is with that girl now...still....and I'm here...crying for a person that just doesn't care if I'm there or not...
So that was my story...thanks for reading if you did.
PLEASE..ADVISE ME...I'M NOT ABLE TO MOVE ON COMPLETELY?
PLEASE...I'M IN GREAT NEED OF ADVICE...
Parisha

 

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