Please help me... im 14 and so so confused about what im feeling...

Okay... this is going to be the weirdest thing you will ever read but please trust me its absolutely true and please dont judge me.... please... im already disgusted by myself and i really dont want to hear others say the same m.. please... i just cant tell this to ANYBODY in real life.

Im 14 and for what i know im completely straight only ever been emotionally connected to males and fully sexually turned on by them. But im also attracted to boobs and i think its normal because of how they sexualised by media and all ive seen of them are on media, i dont think this makes me bi. There is not an inch of me thats homophobic but im still slightly afraid of the idea of being bi
... but thats not my issue today.

I have a younger sister and she is 11 and extremely innocent. We shower and bath together, (i know its weird but its what we have always done and its not been weird as we are sisters.), but once before (a few months ago and it dissapeared so i hope it will again.) And now again yesterday... I got aroused by my sister's breasts in the shower, i still dont know whether i was aroused or disgusted because she was dancing (kinda sensually without knowing it) and i couldnt focus on her face. And after that i cant feel the same around her which means i either act weird of get mad at or downright feel terrified because shes the girl that felt like my little baby. I have health anxiety and so mu brain does thing that convinces my scary things are happening so i know that now my eyes are reapeatedly going to her breasts and her butt to double check whether i feel anything and i feel a tension when i lie next to her and i try to imagine doing things to test myself and i think i dont actually feel anything for her but my anxious mind has just convimced myself.

There are many reasons i could have felt weird... my period is due and its not arriving and this i think has put my hormones unbalanced and i am feeling horny a lot. Also i am 14 and i understand that all thisight be normal... but i still feel its some sort of crime.

Its become so painfully burdening and stressfull that o decided i had to tell her in some sort of way but since shes only 11 and doesnt know much at all about sex. So i said that i feel weird seeing her dance or naked and it lightened me a bit but just made her feel weird
I want to tell her we maybe shouldnt shower together anymore but i dont want her to think its her fault and plus we always shower together and usually i feel nothing and think this will pass if i just let my brain stop panickingly obsess over it.

Please suggest whether this is normal or not or what i should do or anything and please try and not make fun of me if possible. Im going to try and find a way to tell my mum too because i dont want my sister to feel she has to hide anything and i think it will also help me. im going to try not to think about it and instead think about the exciting things upcoming in my life but its almost impossible.

Thanks for reading... please please reply...

I think its normal to have those feelings. hormones are probably affecting it. You could talk to your mom and have you shower separately. Try not to stress about it too much. Its something we all go through.

I agree with Amelia. If your hormones are particularly active, being close to another naked body in the shower can be arousing, even if it is your sister. Try not to worry about it. It's a normal reaction. I think talking to your mom about it or refusing to shower with your sister might complicate things. See if it continues. In the meantime if you are feeling horny a lot, masturbate as often as you want for relief.

Thank you so much for not judging and trying to make me feel better but now when im near her Im alaays aware of those weird feelings and i enjoy the feeling when her breasts (with clothing) touch me or something and i think maybe it always has felt nice when breasts do or im particularly hormonal and aware. I just cant feel normal around her and start feeling panicky immediately almost brought to tears. Ive never felt emotionally draw to a girl but can i just be sexually attracted to girls and not want to be with them emotionally? But even so... should i feel it 24/7 around my sister. I feel like i need to talk to mum because im going INSANE and feel like crying over it CONSTANTLY.

Honestly you are perfectly normal. You're 14 and your hormones are going crazy. It doesn't mean you are bi or lesbian or even that you really want to do anything sexual with your sister per se. Female bodies are beautiful. I do think you need to stop showering with her though. Not that it's gross or wrong but it's becoming unhealthy for you, and eventually it will be for her too. You don't need to tell her or your mom the real reason for you wanting to stop showering together, just tell your mom that you are getting older and decided you need your privacy. Your sister will understand and if she doesn't, maybe your mom can make her understand better

younwill grow out of this, I promise. I'm sure you are just very hormonal and seeing your sister naked triggered those thoughts. Yes you can find girls sexually attractive without any emotional connection. Many girls our age check out other girls' bodies. You are completely normal. Also its not terrible tohave those thoughts about your sister as long as you don't act on it, but it seems to me like you need to pull yourself away from your sister for a while. ?

Very wise words from Sammy
how about inviting a close school friend for a sleepover - you might then find a different outlet for your curiosity?

Great idea Jess and thank you. Great things can happen at sleepovers?

Hey thanks both of you for replying and that too with very wise words. I have ecplained everything to my mother and she has made me feel so much better about it. But surely like you said the problem is if i act on it? And this is not the age for me to anything sexual so what can happen at the sleepover... plus i dont really have a friend like that...

To me it sounds totally normal and probably more common than we all think.

I can respect your decision to not be sexual at 14. If eventually, you decide to act on your feelings, please let be a friend as any family member should be off limits.

Not because of the feelings, I hope you're no longer showering or bathing with your sister anymore. I think once anyone turns 11 or 12, they should do bathe or shower by themselves.

Give you a lot of credit for openly discussing the issue with your mom. I hope that as you continue to mature, you and her can still discuss issues openly...

 

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