sexual shyness with my girlfriend first serious relationship

This is going to be pretty long. I have a girlfriend who i love with my whole heart ive always dated girls since i was younger about 9\10yr im 21 now but ive just always let girls do things to me because i just was always shy about nervous or maybe just scared to mess up or not be any good. Me and my girlfriend try to have sex a few times a week but it usually ends up just me cuming but not her ive told her how i felt and she understood she says she gets it and she knows ill be able to please her but it'll take me some time and effort to learn i love her being so understanding but everytime i try to do something like finger her i get stuck i cant bring my self to do it and. Its not that im not sexual attracted to her because shes so beautiful and everything ive ever wanted but i cant get over the fear . last night we tried to have sex and it ended in her feeling bad about not being able to cum and in my mind it was all my fault because i cant please her. . i feel ugh IDK WHAT TO EVEN DO ANYMORE

sounds like a classic case of performnce anxiety. I've had an issue with it before, and we found some things that worked. most importantly is being comfortable, taking it slow, and exploring to see what works.

1. don't think of it so much as failure as it s practicing. no one is ever good naturally. it takes time.

2. Take things slow. go back to the time when you were a teen and didn't have much leeway to go all the way. Make out. Like, full-blown session. Kiss, lick, suck, bite, let your mouth tell the story before anything else. you could also bring her body (especially hips) closer to yours.

3. go at your own pace, don't over think and don't rush. don't make getting her to orgasm the main goal, just focus on her body and, really explore. play around a bit to see what works before going full throttle.

Sounds a bit weird, why don't you just scissor or let her hump you if she wants to orgasm? ?Seems like an easy starting point, no? ?

As for everything else, see the advice above too.

If you are just scared you will ... well actually what are you scared of? ?Sit down and write it out. That you will hurt her? Unlikely, even then she'd guide you. That you won't make her cum? Anyone will orgasm given some form of physical stimulous enough to their clit. What is it that goes through your head??

If it is scared you won't be any good at making her cum, then think of it this way. ?You are already failing each and every day to satisfy her sexually. ?You can ONLY improve, there is no way of failing more (don't mean that in a mean way). ?Only positives can be gained by doing more. And who doesn't like being licked even without orgasm!?

The two posts above are amazing pieces of advice. I like the idea of writing out why you feel that you can't pleasure her. Communication is very important. Write it down and talk to her about each point. When you're ready try again, maybe have her take your hand and guide you and show you what makes her feel good, I'm assuming she masturbates so she has a pretty good understanding of how her body works and what she likes. Let her show you how to replicate that.

 

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