Virgin at 18 still, mostly down to strict religious parenting

Sorry to double post this but this forum seems more active. Moderators remove if inappropriate or whatever, I'm not too sure.?I feel very behind all my friends/peers. I grew up in a fairly religious but very conservative household where I was constantly discouraged from talking to or even thinking about the opposite sex (or sex at all, lol) to a really unhealthy degree.?Has anyone else had overly constrictive parenting like this and do you have advice about breaking free from it? I'm 18 so an adult now, but I still feel a lot like a child and can't see that changing soon.

Is there anyone else who feels 'behind' in this area?

You're 18 now...did you move out?? That's probably the only way you're going to be able to break free and then start to feel like a "normal" person.

Are your parents by any chance Christian? Did you know there's a lot of sex in the Bible? Literally there are juicy icky sex stories throughout the Bible. (Hey I didn't write it, I just read it.)

So have some fun reading the sex stories in the Bible.

A Drug Deal for Sex
"If you give me your son's drugs I'll let you sleep with my husband."
A Drug Deal for Sex (Genesis 30:14-17)The Rape of TamarThis young virgin gets raped by her own brother. He gets away with it and is never punished, but two years later he gets murdered by one of his own brothers. It's all in the family. 2 Samuel 13:1-19

Judah and the Prostitute Genesis 38:13-29

This guy Judah, who is alleged to be an ancestor of Jesus Christ according to Matthew 1:2, has sex with a prostitute. Three months later he is told "Your daughter-in-law Tamar is guilty of prostitution, and as a result she is now pregnant." Judah says, "Bring her out and have her burned to death!" But suddenly all is forgiven when she exposes him as the one who got her pregnant. That's right, Judah got his own daughter-in-law pregnant and she gave birth to Perez, who is another ancestor of Jesus Christ! (Matthew 1:3).

Take My Daughters, Please. Sodom and Gomorrah

"Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them." In one version of the story the people refuse the offer and God destroys their town. (Genesis 19:1-11) In another version of the story (Judges 19) the man offers his woman, the people accept the offer and violently rape and abuse the woman all night long. The woman is found dead in the man's doorway the next morning, so he cuts her up into twelve pieces. Gross! click here for story.

Let's Have Sex With Daddy! Genesis 19:31-38

"There is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth." Yes, all over the earth it's "customary" to have sex, at least according to the Bible. And hey, if there's no one else around, then have sex with daddy! And get pregnant by daddy! Well that's what these two daughters did, and babies they did have. That's right, both Moab, father of the Moabites, and Ben-Ammi, father of the Ammonites, are a result of inbreeding. There is no comment anywhere that this behavior might be immoral. Not even the Lord had anything negative to say about it.

King David and Bathsheba King David our hero has sex with a beautiful married woman, gets her pregnant and then has her husband murdered so he can marry the beautiful woman for himself, which he does, bringing the total number of wives he's married to to nine. click here

Song of Songs
Songs of Solomon
Canticles "Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus." (hu?) A book of lusty erotic poetry. Yes, lusty erotic poetry is a part of the Bible. click here

The Rape of Dinah Genesis 33:18 - 34:31

In a foreign city Dinah gets raped. The rapist afterwards is very sorry and tries everything to make ammends, but three days later Dinah's family gets brutal revenge by attacking and destroying the entire city. It's sex and unforgiveness and bloody violent brutal revenge at its very best!

Esther Esther 2:2-18
The best way for a king to find a new wife is to spend each night with a beautiful virgin until one particularly pleasing is found, and the best way to become queen is to be a sexually attractive virgin and prostitute yourself before the king.
The Book of Ruth Naomi has her daughter-in-law Ruth sexually seduce a man because she wants her to get married. click here

Judges 21:23
"While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife."

Some people worry that TV and movies have far too much violence and sex in them. But as we see above the Bible has the best most brutal violence and shocking sex stories of all time! At least in the movies the bad guys always lose in the end ? they are caught and sent to prison or they die a horrible death befitting an evil man. Goodness always prevails on TV and in movies, but in the Bible the people committing these heinous crimes are our heros and they always get away with it.

These stories in the Bible are of such a shocking nature that in 1926 Joseph Lewis was compelled to write, "I cannot understand how public men, men of learning and experience, can insist that the Bible, which contains the stories quoted that shock even the vulgar-minded, should be our pre-eminent guide in all earthly affairs, and that it should not only be read by, but actually taught to the growing generation in search of high moral ethics."

With that said, the Bible isn't much for details about sex education.

Anyway, you'll probably catch up and be with everyone else in a few years.

Probably everyone else your age isn't doing as much sex as the media would have us believe. I think half of the people who graduate from high school are still virgins, and the other half aren't (though they never say how much sex the other half has had; maybe they've only done it once); so whatever group you're in, you're in good company.

Note that the overly conservative religious sects tend to be based on fear. It's all fear based. They may talk of how great everything will be if we obey, but they demand obedience, and the penalty for not obeying is fear based. It's totally a "everything will be OK as long as you obey. Aren't you glad God tells us what to do? So all we have to do is obey his commandments, or, whatever the Bible says, or whatever the preacher says the Bible or God says. Whatever you do, you'd better obey out of fear. Fear is at the very core of the religion.

As opposed to the more liberal open churches which have a completely different approach. Their approach is Love and Nurturing. We nurture ourselves, take care of ourselves, so that we may nurture others. We nurture others because we care about them and love them. (Notice there is no "obedience" required or asked for. There is no punishment for not doing these things, other than what naturally happens when one does not take care of themselves. It's a Love based religion.

Not only that, but if you go to church every week and hear a fearful sermon about hell fire and brimstone, that will affect your brain, and repeatedly doing this over and over, week after week, will eventually literally change your brain, and you will literally become a more fearful person.

Similarly, if you go to a church every week and hear a sermon on loving kindnes and how nice it would be if we were all kind to one another, and how we ought to nuture ourselves, and how our moral compass is already within us, given to us by evolution, we just need to get in touch with it and follow it, (Morality is based in the Emotions. It doesn't come from a book.) That too will affect your brain, and over time you will literally become a happier, nicer, kinder, more loving person.

Now, which religion do you want to follow? Which God do you want to commune with? You can chose the one that leads to fear, or the one that leads to love.

And remember, it's not the destination, it's the joy and excitement of the journey. Enjoy the journey. Maybe others are ahead of you temporally, maybe some are behind you. This age peple start to spread out, and move forward at their own pace, and in their own direction, and the people who do best are the ones who enjoy the fun and excitement of taking the next step, rather than focusing on some long term goal or imagined disater.

The best partner is one who respects where you are in your journey. If you are inexperienced, a good partner will accept you and love you and care about you and will be kind to allow you to have a good time. The goal isn't to become good at sex and relationships, the goal is to enjoy relationshps (and maybe some sex, if you want). It's something to explore rather than master. Enjoy talking with other guys.

Best wishes!

 

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