FWB Advice

So long story short, a guy recently got dumped by his girlfriend and he asked me whether I wanted to be friends with benefits. I said yes because I know he likes me for my body and I mostly like him for his body too (and have for a while), and I know I seem like a rebound, but I don't think those rules really apply in FWB situations. Someone please give me advice. I'm meeting him tomorrow (Tuesday in my time zone) to try to scout out places in our school or the vicinity of our school where we can be alone and uninterrupted, and we're planning to meet up in the place we find on Friday for about two hours. It would mean literal catastrophic disaster if we're caught because we attend a Christian missionary school, so we are being extremely cautious. While I'm cool with all this and kind of excited about it, I haven't even kissed anyone before. I'm pretty sure he expects a bj at some point before he moves away over the summer, but I'm terrified at the mere prospect of kissing. I have zero experience except with pecks on the lips to family members and this one female friend I was a little confused about when I was young (I'm a girl and have now accepted that I'm bi). He's got more experience than I do with kissing specifically, but he's still a virgin (meaning he hasn't been blown or been inside someone). Any tips would be appreciated. I think I'm ready for this, but again, I'm terrified. Please help.

I will give you advice on kissing but I am almost 20 so I get uncomfortable sometimes giving sex advice without knowing other people's ages lol.

My general FWB advice is, there is usually one person who really wants to date and one person who has no interest in dating, the person who wants to date does FWB thinking it'll lead to dating and it usually doesn't. People get mad or hurt. It really kind of sucks to be either person but it probably sucks worse to be the one who secretly wants to date.

As for kissing advice. In this situation you're describing it's obviously going to happen so you may not need to worry as much how to signal you want to be kissed etc. Let's say you're in his car somewhere private. Sit close to him, touch him some (for example touch his shoulder), he will most likely put his arm around you or at least touch you somehow, face him with your face pretty close to him and your eyes half open and your lips half open and look receptive. When he actually kisses you let him take the lead but if there's an opportunity, like a slowdown or kind of like he isn't sure what to do next, gently suck on one of his lips. Don't hurt him kind of "chew" on it gently with your lips. You can also put your hands on the back of his head or neck and gently tug him toward you to suggest he escalates things a little.

You can also sit on his lap in which case you'll need to moreso take the lead in kissing because you are able to move your body easier than he can move his. But still mostly the same stuff.

Don't do anything before you are ready. It's important when you let him touch you sexually, it's important when you partially undress, it's important when you blow him it's important when you have sex. Let each of those be something you have considered and you're ready for. Not to paint with too broad a brush but, a lot of guys do talk about stuff, even though this is FWB, you don't want a guy who could be a more serious deal hearing how easy you are. JMO!!

Most important is have birth control if you're going to have sex. Otherwise, set your boundary clear from the start, no birth control, no sex. Everything else is fine.

Once everyone is clear no penis in vagina (and to be safe, not near vagina), then, it's actually much easier than you think, in fact, the less you think about it, the easier it is. Don't think, just return your focus to the present moment. You can practice this now, return your focus to the present moment. When you notice your mind wander, return your focus to the present moment.

Focus on the here and now, focus on your body, let the feeling be what it is, allow yourself to feel him, allow yourself to touch him, allow yourself to explore him. Stay present in the moment. If you feel fear, ask yourself what does the fear feel like? Where do you feel the fear? Ask for a time out and scan your whole body from head to toe to find where do you feel the fear and what does it feel like? (Hint: This is where you discover the fear really isn't much in your body, it was mostly in your mind, and since you were focusing on your body, scanning your body, that got you out of your mind, ?and onto your body, where there isn't any fear, and you aren't experiencing fear anymore.)(Now if you find yourself thinking about this explanation, let this thought go and return your focus to the present moment. The answer you seek is in the present moment, not in your head.)

Now I'm liberal Christian and I don't have any problem with you doing this. You'll find people's opinions vary all over the map, and people's opinion on what they think God's opinion is likewise varies all over the spectrum. I say the only opinion that matters is your opinion. Why else would God give you the ability to have an opinion? If you say you are ready then you are ready.

The secret to combat fear is to learn to return your focus to the present moment. Practice that and fear will abate.

Like the Bible says, "Be still and know that I am God."

Blessings.

 

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