Rules of fooling around

for some time I've thought about an issue that sadly happens to a lot of people. Some people like to cuddle after sex even though it is a fling. Before hand they discuss about it and are cool about it. But, when the time comes the partner who previously agreed on the cuddling does not do it.
so what advice do you have on avoiding such a thing to happen and make sure the partner cuddles ? If they try to walk out do you demand them to get back?

About all l'm worried about after sex is him not telling all his mates what he's done to me and whether l'm any good or not.

SweetTayla:About all l'm worried about after sex is him not telling all his mates what he's done to me and whether l'm any good or not.?

well that's a valid fear..... How would you prevent that then?

The only way you are going to get a guaranteed after sex cuddle is by doing it with someone you are actually trying to form a real relationship with.

Wow great advice. So, sex after maybe six to how many dates do you recommend?
alegnatm:The only way you are going to get a guaranteed after sex cuddle is by doing it with someone you are actually trying to form a real relationship with.?

?

alegnatm:The only way you are going to get a guaranteed after sex cuddle is by doing it with someone you are actually trying to form a real relationship with.?

I agree, someone you are just fooling around with probably isn't interested in getting involved with you romantically and cuddling is very romantic and personal.?

I don't think it's a certain number of dates but more about having that mutual feeling of wanting more than just sex and being comfortable enough to get that physical.

Kalei, your post is a bit ironic to me because you describe the cuddling as personal and romantic, yet shouldnt sex be the same way? I am not naive and I understand that sex (especially when causal) does not have to be romantic, but it's literally the most personal and physically close thing that you can allow a person to do to you.
I guess what I am getting to is I don't understand why screwing someone is okay but laying in bed with them after turns it into such a big thing? Our society is so weird about the way we view things, in my opinion.

I sorta agree with Algenatm here a bit. I find sex to be very intimate, and I don't develop a sexual attraction for someone unless an emotional attachment has been established (at the very least, a close friend I care about, and am also attracted to) which fits the bill with my current FWB. Most days, when we can, we hang out, talk about our day, play video games etc. When we do have sex it typically consists of pillow talk, cuddling, and sleeping together afterwards, if we're tired. We've already established that level of intimacy by having sex already, which can be "romantic and personal" depending on who you're with. For some people, "romantic and personal" is the only way for them to really enjoy it.

Oh yes I totally think sex is the absolute most personal thing you could do with someone. I was just saying that she says she just wants to have a fling but have a personal snuggle session it doesn't really work that way. But I'm the type of person who won't have sex until I know I want to be in the relationship with a person for a long time and I have to feel that closeness before we have sex.?

But but I completely agree with OmgItsRira and alegnatm, I guess I just worded it wrong.?

I thought they mostly fall asleep lol.

ShellyB:I thought they mostly fall asleep lol.?

lol good one

OmgItsRira:I sorta agree with Algenatm here a bit. I find sex to be very intimate, and I don't develop a sexual attraction for someone unless an emotional attachment has been established (at the very least, a close friend I care about, and am also attracted to) which fits the bill with my current FWB. Most days, when we can, we hang out, talk about our day, play video games etc. When we do have sex it typically consists of pillow talk, cuddling, and sleeping together afterwards, if we're tired. We've already established that level of intimacy by having sex already, which can be "romantic and personal" depending on who you're with. For some people, "romantic and personal" is the only way for them to really enjoy it.?

thank you for your answer. So, romantic and personal can be both used in Fwb or casual flings?? (FYI nothing is happening to me it's just an idea I had)

I can easily see it happening if you're in a FWB with someone you care about, and they care for you as well. It can also happen if you have a FWB who just so happens to be romantic and cuddly lol. MY definition of a "Friends with Benefits" heavily emphasizes the "friends" part. Though not many FWB's are like that, but instead lean more towards "I am guaranteed to get laid every time I contact this person, so I'll only contact them when I want sex."

With casual flings/one night stands I don't see that happening, unless you end up sleeping with a cuddly person after all. As far as romantic and personal goes, that usually involves establishing a close emotional bond, which is next to impossible to achieve in less than 24 hours.

The thing is, there's no real rules to love, relationships, or fooling around. There's no rule that kissing or even staying the night is only appropriate after a certain amount of dates. With fooling around, should there be any set rules? I think that since there's no commitment, trying to set rules would be absolutely unnecessary. You can set boundaries, and respect the boundaries each person has set up, but it should not be the case of "you should/shouldn't do this because you're having casual sex with someone and that's how it's supposed to go." in regards to rules of course.

Even with a FWB, there will be times when he just wants to get rid of a hardon so he can go play baseball. I think hardons must be very insistent.? You just gotta accept it.

I messed around with a co worker and lost my virginity to him i ended up falling in love with him cause feelings got involved and I got pregnant by him and the first thing he tells me is go get a abortion i said no so thats when he started treating me like shit and it got around at my store and people found out and he goes and starts saying lies and telling people I was crazy and making stuff up and he thinks its ok to call me a dumb fat bitch I left that store I couldnt take it any more and couldnt stand seeing his face this guy really hurt me and broke my heart I just cant stop thinking about how he thought it was ok to treat me like this I really loved this guy but all I was to him was a booty call he didnt care for me at all and I keep blaming my self for letting this happen now ive been in deep depression and im not the happy girl I was before what can I do to make me forget about this guy?I need some help please

?2 different situations. 1 guy we slept together (early on in to dating) an there was 0 interaction afterwards, He went and threw away the condom, I got dressed and when he came back we sat on different sides of the couch lol really weird experience. Other guy, we slept together. Both got dressed an he pulled me back into bed to cuddle for a bit before he took me back home. It was nice, almost as if he was assuring me of something like it wasn't a one night stand.?

Honestly I don't care either way. I like if we do cuddle but I won't be mad if we don't. If that's something you want, just tell him that and ask if he wants to or not. Especially in a "just hooking up" situation, I wouldn't expect it.

If you want to cuddle, then crawl into bed with a guy who really likes you as a person, and one you like equally. If you don't even like each other as people but want to have sex together, which I do not recommend, then tell him ahead of time that you like cuddling and what your post-sex cuddling expectations are. If he doesn't honor that, then there's no repeat performance. Best case, find a guy that you really like, who really likes you, and who cuddles up to your expectations even without sex. Then, if you add sex, cuddling won't be an issue. It'll already be part of your time together.

TheDude says, it depends how worn out thedude is after sex. Sometimes really worn out, sweaty, and over heated. TheDude just wants to cool down so give it a few minutes. If he up and leaves then consider yourself a booty call, if he cuddles he is thinking more of relationship status. Dont force it you cant change anybody its saving you hurt in the long run. Guys only ever say "I got some pussy haha" then they cheers to a beer, its the females who go into detail *example* this entire forum.

TheDude:TheDude says, it depends how worn out thedude is after sex. Sometimes really worn out, sweaty, and over heated. TheDude just wants to cool down so give it a few minutes. If he up and leaves then consider yourself a booty call, if he cuddles he is thinking more of relationship status. Dont force it you cant change anybody its saving you hurt in the long run. Guys only ever say "I got some pussy haha" then they cheers to a beer, its the females who go into detail *example* this entire forum.?

No. "guys only ever say 'I got some pussy'.. nonsense. "cheers to a beer" nonsense - some guys don't even drink beer. Millions of men are happily committed to their women. Or at least they treat their women with some care & respect. Some couples even get married after being FWB - and make lives together.. ask me how I know

The both of you are making irrelevant statements to this post.

How is it irrelevant? Cuddling is a tell tale sign of what the guy wants in the relationship is the point of the post. Hungwe I'm a guy therefore I know what guys talk about. Being in a relationship or being committed has nothing to do with "guy talk" , I was also married and committed, that's how i know.

The last statement about who shares more info - That hardly has anything to do with the original question - and the post that followed it.

In my opinion to what sweettayla posted as she was worried about what he tells his mates. I think she can decide herself what is relevant or irrelevant.

I said earlier "I thought they mostly fall asleep" people acted like it was a joke but I am serious! I get like, a kiss on my head and an arm to snuggle against and then I hear snoring in about 45 seconds lol. Not always but that is most often. I could try cuddling him I guess but I prefer being the cuddle-ee not the cuddle-r and I think it would annoy him anyway.

As for how to get more cuddling, I would say to make it really clear you like it and find ways to reward him for it, and you can bring it up without being too obnoxious.

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Im sory to hear what happened to you. So, what is your plan for now?

no rules of fooling round ? just do what feels good at the moment

i don't think i would demand that they cuddle, but i would think twice about doing something with them again.?

a lot of people seem to think that it's wrong that you expect cuddling, but i donlt see why. if you had given him oral and he had agreed to return the favor and did not, i doubt everyone would be faulting you. why is cuddling any different? it's something that feels good for you, and you agreed to it when you were discussing the things you wanted to do to make each other feel good.

My previous comments were mainly based on a jerk I dated freshman year. Somebody brought this thread back up and I just thought I'd say, I get great cuddling now so, it really depends on the relationship and the guy. If the guy views it as a LTR and is mature enough for that you will get cuddled. Or if not it's an honest mistake and you just need to let him know. If that is not the case, I think it's a sign that you're a booty call or that he's immature. But like anybody, I have just a few examples to build my conclusions off of so there could be exceptions!!

I do also understand the guy who said "guys get hot and need a little break to cool off" I can definitely see that but, after cooling off a little I want him back with me lol.

If its just a fling theres no cuddling, theres nothing afterwards. You get up, put your clothes on and leave. Message them if you need another hook up afterwards. Or just forget about them. What is the point of cuddling with someone that you probably won't ever see again

What is the point?? If I had to pick between having plenty of sex but zero cuddling, or plenty of cuddling but zero sex, for the rest of my life, I would need to think carefully about that I don't know which I'd pick!! Sex is foreplay for cuddling lol. I mean not really but, the cuddling is important too.

 

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