Please Help. My boyfriend (dating 3 years) told me I gained weight and feels less attracted.

Hello, I need some positivity and advise from you ladies, I am currently at my work desk writing this because I cannot concentrate, I had ran into bathroom few times this morning to just cry silently. Last night, my boyfriend (dating 3 years) have told me that he does not feel attracted to me as he used to because I have gained weight. I did gain exactly 10 lbs since we first met. I felt so ashamed, shocked, mad, and sad. So much mixed emotions inside me. My boyfriend said he truly feels bad for saying this, but he said he had to say this before we get engaged (we have been talking about getting married next year). He said he is afraid that I will gain more and more in the future after having baby etc. Looking myself, I am oversized, obesed and large. Everything he said was true. But the truth really hurts. I felt like I have to ?earn? to get engaged with him because he knows how much I want this engagement. I completely lost my confidence, and self esteem. I feel so ugly now and embarrassed. Now I see myself constantly worrying what he thinks about me. I love him so much, and I am not asking weather I should break up or not. I want to know if anyone here have gone through this and how you handled it. He felt really terriable and told me that he feels like a faggot telling me this. He told me that he thinks I am still beautiful and pretty. Just wanted me to go to gym and lose some weight. It really sucked because we had this conversation over the phone last night (we live together but I am on business trip). He didn't expect to bring this up lasst night, but we happen to have a deep conversation about our future last night.I have never been skinny my entire life. I would go gym and try to lose weight to be more attracted to him because I know that?s important to him. But now I just feel I will constantly be worried about what he thinks of me. What if he will never be attracted to me? What if I will never be skinny? Everyone turns old andn ugly as we get old. I should be able to wake up every morning witha man that loves all of me. Can I live forever wondering if im meeting my bf's physical standard??I ?cant live a life thinking that way with him. How can I get over this? I am so devastaed. Please help.

Aww what you wrote is so sad.. I'm not even sure what to say about it but I feel for you. My weight has always fluctuated and I used to hate it, and it was a long hard battle being comfortable in my own skin and I'm not sure how I would handle someone saying that to me. I totally understand that you love him and want to make him happy and attracted to you, but he's putting a very high price on that. You should not feel bad about yourself, and I can tell by what you wrote that you are obviously a caring and kind person, being that you aren't asking for advice on breaking up with him. My sister went through this same situation, when she caught her boyfriend of 4 years cheating on her and he blamed it on her being overweight. She struggled for years after that trying to loose weight and it was very sad to watch. I remember telling her not to loose weight for someone else and begging her to think long and hard about the whole situation. I couldn't change her mind at first but eventually she found her way and did what was right for herself. If you really love him and are willing to try to change yourself for him, and you will honestly be happy then maybe that is the right thing, but if you are going to make changes and still wonder about how he feels and drive yourself crazy, then maybe that isn't the right choice to make. It's going to have to come down to what you feel comfortable with and what you feel in your heart is the best for you. This is a hard thing to give advice on and I don't think that I did a very good job advising you but keep your head up and don't feel bad about yourself, no matter what no matter if we gain weight or our bodies change in other ways, we are still the same person on the inside and that is really what matters the most.

 

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