Long distance relationship

Hello everyone. I've never done something like this before, but I feel desperate and heartbroken. I'm currently in a 2.5 years relationship with my boyfriend, whom I love very very much. He makes me very happy. The problem is me.We've been going through a really tough time for the past one year. I'm not the best girlfriend in the entire world. I'm an introvert, and I always tend to push people away, and I tend to be very insensitive and rude sometimes. I say things without meaning to. I'm afraid I hurt him a lot a few times over the past few years. He's very sensitive and he used to deal with it quietly till he burst once. After that, I started to realize how I've treated him has been wrong and I did my best to change my attitude. My attitude has even caused him to start having trust issues. I get very defensive, and I used to never understand when he felt insecure. I'm also quite selfish. I'm ashamed to admit it but it's the truth. I'm very focused on my academic life, my ambitions, my dreams. I always have been since I was very young. I decided last year that I wanted to go abroad to study, but as stupid as I was then, I never told my boyfriend clearly or talked to him about it properly. I sprung it onto him once, and he broke down. He said he could not deal with me going abroad and he didn't think that it was the best thing for our relationship. I know I should've left him then knowing that this doing this would't make my happy. But I couldn't. Something always brought me back to him. I loved him so much, I couldn't stand to lose him. I still love him so much. I understand more now after the initial realisation that my attitude and ego and pride was hurting him. We started working on our problems and I can see him getting happier and feeling more comfortable. I can't explain how much we want to be together. We have hopes and dreams of a future together. We both want it equally. ?But my parents are very supportive of my dreams to go abroad. They want me to apply to universities abroad, and they want me to get an education abroad because there aren't as many opportunities for further education in my country. My parents will pay for my education, and I have to rely on them for support.But he still isn't willing to do long distance. He thinks that he will lose me but my question is why don't we try first? I promised him that I will give it my all but he can't believe me. He still has trouble trusting me. He wants me to stay back with him so that we can work out our problems and trust issues. But I'm scared that if I let of this opportunity to chase my dreams then I'll never get it again. I feel so lost confused and miserable. Is this very normal? Or am I just being extremely selfish again? I don't know. I just want an honest opinion from someone else.

i am definitely not the most qualified person to answer this question.But i have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of months now, and i understand how much you want to study abroad. You may have been selfish in the past, but wanting to study abroad is not selfish. you want to pursue a future that you have built yourself, rather than one built entirely on this relationship. that is healthy and right, and it doesnt mean you dont want to be with him, you clearly do. so dont think that is wrong with you.
As someone doing long distance though, i feel like i should tell you a cold hard truth. if you want to do it, you need some solid months of complete trust, much much stronger communication, and a very happy relationship that has complete clarity. because how it seems right now, with his trust issues, and your communicative issues, it is very unlikely it would last the distance when things can become convoluted so easily and ministerpreted with all that distance. All the problems get magnified drastically, and you cant even show intimacy through it all. if you guys can establish a more solid foundation it could work. but if he doesnt want it, he doesnt want it. long distance shakes the foundations of what you built. it is very very hard on both parties, you cant express physical intimacy properly and any communication issues you once had increase ten fold. So i see you have a few options:
1. stay with him and dont pursue your dreams. if you do this though, you might be ignoring the bigger issues of your relationship that need to be fixed.
2. leave, and either try long distance with a high chance of failing, or end up breaking up because he cant do it
3. fix the issues in the relationship and give it time and then go long distance, posing the risk of missing your opportunity.
none of those choices are easy ones, and i think youll have some regrets either way. just dont forget how important it is to have a life outside your boyfriend, but also that it is important that relationships have proper investment and work through issues. Good luck xxx

Depending how old you guys are maybe try saving up to live together and than work on your guys future?

I'm in a long distance relationship for awhile now. My boyfriend soon wants to go to college but for me?
I want to be with him and than get things started so more than likely I'm going to have to make the big decision
and move to where he is. He wants us started too ontop of going to college and all. I don't know what I want to do yet for my future
but he does so my step is to save up and go be with him physically.
?

Hi I'm Yvonne and I'm just a teenager but I've been in a long distance relationship before and it's VERY hard . We not even together anymore . But I mean I know you love your boyfriend but if he'll really loved you he would understand that this is a GOOD thing for you . Sometime we gotta make sacrifices that aren't good for everyone . But this is your life . And you should follow your dreams and he should understand that . So you decide but men come and go but you have a really good shot at life . So you try to decide .?

Well how long would you be abroad? A semester or an academic year or more? If it's a semester, IMO that's very doable. If it's an academic year, that sucks in a way but it's probably still worth it for the life experience and you would still probably see him a couple times like Christmas/New Year's at least.

I am going to pretend to be a qualified therapist or something instead of a 19yo studying public relations lol and, here is what I think:

1. I think he's freaking out because you're already a little distant you said, so maybe he thinks he's barely holding onto you already and that if you leave, he'll lose you for sure.
2. He probably wants to pre-emptively break up so he can feel like it's his decision since he assumes you'll just break up with him later.
3. I bet your parents secretly hope you break up with him, I bet one of their hidden goals in encouraging this is for you to not be locked into him. That is just a hunch I really don't know, don't get mad at your parents because of my hunch!!

So on points 1 and 2, if you really want to stay with him, IMO you should make that clear. It might eliminate some of the issues and create more breathing room to work something out.

So on point 3 it really doesn't matter for your plans just something to consider in the future if it matters. How your parents feel about your boyfriend ends up mattering in little ways even though they try to hide it and be fair. Also once again I might be wrong about this anyway I am just reading into a couple of sentences you wrote + knowing how my parents schemed to break me up from one of my boyfriends (which they were right about btw).

Good luck!

Go to chase your dreams. Your boyfriend will support you if he really likes you.

 

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