So there's this guy (isn't there always) and his gf just broke up with him. It's public knowledge that I like the guy. I don't really care that everyone knows cos the guy knows it and is chill with it and if he's chill with it then I'm chill with it, but his girlfriend panicked a bit when she found out because she thought he was gonna dump her for me (I think). I'm not sure what her exact feelings are on this because I'm not really a close friend to her, but she talked to me once about this and asked whether she was interrupting something between me and the guy. Some backstory: before he got with this girl, his recent ex, he liked me while I liked him so we actually did like each other but we didn't say anything. I waited too long to confess. (You have no idea how much I've kicked myself over this.) During our discussion though, which was extremely tense and awkward, she said that she could give him back?(???) if she'd interrupted something. (Which she hadn't, and which I assured her she hadn't.)
The girl basically hates this guy. He's hot, so she stays with him, but she thinks he's clingy (he's not in my opinion but I'm no judge) and she talks about him behind his back about how he's a jerk and makes fun of all the private things he's said to her. She's always meaning to break up with him, but she likes the attention.
Truth be told, the guy is kind of a jerk. He likes people mostly based on their bodies and his emotional attachment to his gf is barely there. It's widespread knowledge that when he gets together with someone, it's just for sex, and everyone thinks he's a douche/jerk/scumbag for this, his gf included. He got together with this gf by means of sending a dick pic which his gf blabbed about to everyone and which nearly got him expelled (because we attend a Christian missionary school although most of its students aren't pious and are basically exactly like normal teenagers, if you get what I mean.)
Back to the point. His gf recently broke up with him. Five meters away from me. I was trying to eat my lunch in peace when she approached him and spoke some words I couldn't hear, and I thought just another lovers' conversation in paradise, and he said "okay" with a neutral expression and walked away, and the gf literally ran to me and told me in one big burst that she'd broken up with him and I could have him and I could comfort him and make him feel better.
If this doesn't raise a ton of red flags for you guys, I don't know what does. She really doesn't like him and only likes the attention she gets from him. She treats him terribly. He tried to comfort her when she was crying and she screamed at him to shut up and stop touching her.
Anyhow. Obviously I didn't swoop in on him, because...that is a terrible thing to do! He was obviously really hurt, and although I did want to comfort him, I knew it would just be perceived as me trying to take advantage because everyone, him included, knows I like him.
So I waited a week. He got his phone returned to him after the dick pic fiasco and added me on Snapchat. He is so different over text than in real life. He's always trying to start up conversations with me, and whatever random thing I send him gets a reply within a minute. His texts are kind of awkward and cringey, but then again, he has basically zero sense of shame, so that makes sense.
It started innocent but over a day it got darker. He asked me whether I wanted to play Would You Rather, and I said yes, because I am a Sad and Desperate Person, and it quickly became sexual. He calls it 'getting Swedish'. I would have clocked out, but I believed that his girlfriend had broken up with him and it was okay. So I went along with it.
I learned many things, many of them not great. The game evolved into a strange mishmash of Would You Rather, FMK, and Truth or Dare, and I found out that he liked me before entirely for physical appearance, and those feelings haven't gone away; apparent love for his gf notwithstanding, he would rather sleep with me than sleep with her; he thinks I look better than her but that isn't enough to make him choose her over me because she is, quote unquote including spelling errors, "play full and fun"; and when he asked me whether I would blow him if he asked and I said probably, because my sense of shame was but a forgotten memory at that point, he joked that he needed to check his schedule for when he was free. He asked me whether I watched porn and I said sometimes and he got a boner. If the gf didn't exist, he would be with me. He asked me a ton of questions about my sexual preferences [just a few examples: "If you and I were in bed, would you want me to take charge or the other way round?" and "Have you ever masturbated to me?" and "Would you rather use my finger as a dildo or a toilet plunger?" (apparently in Sweden, where he's lived, it's the norm for girls to clean toilet plungers and use them to get off).] He somehow managed to slip in his dick size into the whole fiasco. As if all this wasn't shocking enough, apparently the gf didn't actually break up with him. According to him, it was just a test to see how much he really loves her (and he is under the impression that he loves her, very, very much). I discovered that she has broken up with him four times throughout the course of their one-year relationship. But he thinks she's playing hard-to-get, and I really couldn't stop myself at that point: I said "I'm sorry [insert name], but if a girl breaks up with you even once, it's not playing hard-to-get. Four times is...just about as clear as it gets." He didn't seem to get it.
I went along with all the stuff he asked me at first because I thought it was just his way of flirting, although I knew the questions he was asking were invasive and I was going to severely regret them. I go along with most of the things he asks me because he's leaving in the summer and I'll never see him again after that, and he's hot, and...why not? I had questions I asked him too which were definitely private but which he didn't mind answering, and I felt bad interrogating him for it if I didn't answer the questions he asked me.
But when he told me the gf didn't actually break up with him, I was stunned. I wondered whether he told me that after all the things he asked on purpose, just because he knew I wouldn't have answered him if I knew he's still with her and still thinks he loves her. I considered stopping and calling him out on what he was doing: fooling around, even just verbally, with me behind his supposedly still-gf's back. I knew he would back off if I did.
But I didn't. Because I still wanted, and still do want, this connection to him, even if it's rotten and eaten through with lies and deception.
I know. Everyone is a scumbag in this situation: the gf, him, and me. He asked me probably about a hundred questions you shouldn't answer if asked by anyone except your spouse, and I asked him probably about a hundred questions you shouldn't answer if asked by anyone except your spouse, and I never asked to be in this crappy love triangle but I'm in it anyway.
The main takeaway I got from last night (this stuff all happened last night) is that we're both sexually attracted to each other and the one thing keeping him from cheating on his gf with me is his flimsy emotional attachment to her. He thinks about me a lot in situations he definitely shouldn't be placing me in, especially with a gf, but the thing is...I do too. And strangely, terribly, we're both fine with it. If the gf weren't here, we would most probably be friends with benefits (he asked me whether I'd be down with this and we both agreed that we would. I reminded him that that would be cheating on his gf, because he seemed to have forgotten that, and he literally said "oh...yeah").
I know I should feel cheap and used and only wanted for my body or whatever, but the thing is...I don't mind. I'm not very emotionally attracted to him considering the person that I know him to be, and as far as I know, he's not emotionally attracted to me either. I don't even really feel guilty for letting him flirt with me since I know his gf only likes the attention he gives her and not him as a person, and the issue she would have with this if she knew isn't that he's being unfaithful, in a way, although we haven't even hugged, all the discussion about doing way more than hugging notwithstanding, is that his attention is divided between her and someone else, namely me. The only thing which bugs me is that no matter what I do, even if I stripped down naked and sat on his lap and gave him the best makeout session of his life and begged him to sleep with me, he probably wouldn't break up with his girlfriend to choose me. A small, vindictive part of me even wants to get him to cheat and hook up with me, just to teach the gf a lesson: that she should have valued him while she had him, that she should stop disillusioning him, make up her mind about him before he leaves, break up with him for real, make that clear, and give me a chance. That she should have cared more about the same boy I want so badly. And him, too: I wish he would choose one or the other of us (me or the gf) and see that I'd value him much more than his gf ever could, because I know I would get emotionally attached to him if I let myself. The only reason I'm not is because I know that would just be setting me up for more hurt.
I know I'm a terrible person. I've given away so much private information to a boy I virtually never talked to before last night and I'm letting him flirt with me and flirting back when he still has a girlfriend (although I don't know how true this is exactly). I don't mind that we both see each other basically as sex objects and he'd probably cheat if he were even a little bit less loyal. I don't mind that he's a jerk, but just because he's hot, I'm not calling him out on it and going along with this.
The thing is...I don't understand why people look down on girls and guys just for being sexual people and having lust. It's a normal thing. I know this whole situation extends beyond that because he has a girlfriend, although she doesn't like him and only stays with him for less-than-honorable reasons, but I just wish everyone would stop calling him a sex-crazed douche for that.
Please help me. This is the only time I've ever had to deal with something like this. I'm very inexperienced (this is the first time I've ever been flirted with and made aware that a guy wants me sexually) and I don't know what to do. Should I talk to the gf and ask her to stop messing with him? Should I tell the guy to stop? What's the moral way to traverse this situation while also preferably getting what I want: the guy?
All answers are welcome. Please do not insult me in the comments. I hopefully haven't done anything serious yet and I'm just trying to do the right thing.
UPDATE: We talked again last night and, again, the conversation slipped into "Swedish" Would You Rather straits, typically including increasingly detailed questions about sexual preferences in situations often involving each other (example: "Would you prefer to strip me down or have me strip you down?"). He got hard during the conversation while we were still talking and jerked off, to me,?and I didn't say a word to stop him. We continued playing. In fact, it kind of turned me on: that I was hot enough to give a boy a boner through just words without even showing my face or any other part of me.
Terrible. I know. I felt unclean...but not in a bad way. I do think I'll have to take action soon, maybe tomorrow, after I meet him at school face-to-face for the first time since we started texting back and forth. I need to tell him to choose between me and the gf. Since I'm very certain he'll choose the gf, this will basically mean we stop the raunchy texting.
I think it's for the best. I don't want to be the 'other woman' in their relationship. It would hurt the gf so much and make me worse than the gf. And I don't quite like myself when I'm texting him, anyway.