I need help. So I met this guy last year at this young adult retreat. We talked a little but not much, so I didn't know him very well. I thought he was cute and nice. He was a little younger than me (a year and a half) but I still had a mini crush on him. I am 22 now and he is almost 21. Anyway, flash-forward to this past January. I thought of him randomly and decided to add him on FB.
So then he messaged me, which I was really surprised because we didn't know each other well, and quite frankly, I thought he had forgotten about me. Also, on fb I saw he was in a relationship with a girl at his school.
So he chatted with me quite a bit, and seemed interested in getting to know me. He was friendly but not flirty. It turns out we had tons in common, like tbh I've never met anyone who was so similar to me. And it was really nice because it's so rare that I find someone I connect with.
NOTE: he lives in a completely different state than me. The only way we'd be able to see each other is by plane.
Anyhow, so I was in a psycho relationship last year, and I was not interested in dating anyone and wanted to be single for like, a long time. So this seemed nice, right? I can just have a guy friend I have stuff in common with, without any pressure of a potential relationship.
In an ideal world right, lol. So he asks for my snapchat, and I add him, and we started snapping a lot. We stopped having as many conversations, and it became more superficial. But he continued to snap me almost every day. Sometimes we'd go a few days without snapping. So this has continued for the past few months. I've been pretty lonely lately, don't have many friends or people I'm close to, so I felt I was getting pretty attached to him. It's pretty odd since I still don't know a lot about him. Like I said we mostly keep it superficial. We've had a couple conversations about some deep things, but not anything really personal that you would tell a close friend. Anyhow, just recently, he told me it probably won't work out with his gf, because he's graduating, and they won't be able to do long distance.
So my family and friends told me to basically stop talking to him, because I'm getting too attached (and yes, now I have a MUCH bigger crush on him..) , and if he ends up staying with his GF I'm the one who will end up hurt. They said "you can still be friends with him, but don't talk to him every day, since that's kind of weird."
So this past week, I deleted all my social media and just told people I'm on a break for a little, so I haven't talked to him for the past few days. Anyways, I'm a pretty extreme person. I feel like it'd be hard for me to just back off to talking every so often. Like I feel like I just need to cut it off altogether because I have so little self control. It's also difficult because he initiates a lot. Even if I stopped initiaing (which i haven't done much recently tbh) I feel like if he keeps on talking to me, I can't help but write back to him... And a few times he also mentioned he wanted to talk to me on the phone, which also seems odd since he has a GF.. We never have. I didnt feel comfortable with that, so I haven't.
Anyways, is it normal for guys to talk to other girls every day, when things are rocky in their relationship, and they may break up?? I mean, isn't that just dumb, because you could lead on another person and then hurt them if you end up staying with your GF?? He seems like a really nice, kind person, so I don't think he's intentionally trying to lead me on. But still, I have a weird feeling about it, and I'd like to hear other people's perspective. SO if anyone has any advice or personal experience in the matter I WOULD APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH.
If my boyfriend was messaging and using snapchat with another girl every day I would dump him. And I am sure most girls would agree with me.
He's not a "nice guy" he's trying to keep his options open by stringing you along and probably his gf too.