Hello everyone. I am currently in a relationship and want some input and see if you guys think this will work out. I really love this boy, but sometimes I get a feeling in my gut that this is going to crash and burn..
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and Im currently on medication. My boyfriend has severe depression and has ADHD, which he is only medicated for the ADHD. We've both been to the hospital due to attempted suicide (awhile ago), so we kind of understand each other. He helps me, and I help him.
HERES THE THING.
His ex, who is one of the sweetest girls Ive ever talked to, messaged me. They broke up 2 weeks before we got together. She messaged me saying that this boy isn't who he portrays himself to be. She told me that he's just going to use you, how he is manipulative, and his problems are too much for a relationship. My boyfriend has a HORRIBLE relationship with his parents and he abuses drugs, which I want to help him with. This ex also made me aware how he treated his other ex's the same way. None of his relationships lasted longer than 4 months by the way. I talked to the ex and she broke down crying saying how she didn't want him to hurt me and that I deserved better. Now, you guys may think she's a "crazy ex whos trying to ruin things", but she was really sweet and I could tell her pain was genuine. We've only been dating for a month so everything seems perfect but I dont want to end up like his ex's, because the pain would be way more worse due to my condition. To give a better light heres some info about him:
-Hes never been single for more than a month
-We've been friends for about 2 years?
-We used to have feelings for each other, but then he dated his now ex which hurt my feelings
-He calls all of his ex's crazy, insults them, etc.
-He abuses drugs and his medications
-He has a very bad relationship with his parents
-He told me on the first day of our relationship that he loves me, I'm the one for him, he can't explain how he feels about me, Im amazing, etc.
-He has a problem with lying, even about very small insignificant things
-He tells me he never loved his ex's and that he was stupid for thinking he did
I'm just so confused, I really love him and want things to work out. He helps me out with my bipolar, hes supportive and loving so I overlook the bad things but I dont know... please help, do you think it'll work?
personally, i do not think you should stay with him. He hasn't been single for more than a month at a time, but his relationships only last 4 months maximum? no one forms meaningful? romantic connections that fast and that frequently only for them to "unfortunately" not work out everytime, but lo and behold find someone else a month later.
I understand your situation alot because i once dated a guy who sucked me in really fast, was a druggie but seemed really romantic and emotional and said he loved me and all, only to break up with me in a cruel way that showed he never cared. I understand its hard to not try, and sometimes a person just cant be told, and it just has to run its course. But i really think your'e in for an unpleasant time with this one. Not only that, but if? a guy says "you are the one' that early in, its not cute or reassuring, its often more concerning because hes trying to please you with words, or doesnt understand the gravity of what he is saying.
Im not suggesting hes necessarily out to play all these girls and blah blah blah, he might be the type that thinks hes sincere every time and then suddenly goes off them and turns horrible or something, but either way, the pattern is there, the evidence is there, i wouldnt go for it. and with the ex, you would have to think that no one would call up the new girlfriend and risk getting called crazy or something unless she really, really means it. If she said that and there wasn't all this mounting evidence that shes right then there would be a margin of doubt, but like you said, he calls all of his exes crazy.
I would even suggest he has a slightly addictive personality, he seems to be addicted to lying, addicted to abusing his drugs, and thus, it could be concluded hes addicted to the rush of the beginning of a relationship when its rosy and fun and all cute. Do you think its a coincidence that its the 4 month mark when those feelings generally start to wear off as a general routine in the relationship is established?
To conclude, these two points stand alone as enough for me:
1. you are posting this for a reason, you can see something is fishy, and a part of you wants to be proven right, and a part wants to be told some miraculous reason why you are not. you are right, its shady, move on and learn the lesson from the pain of his ex rather than go through it yourself.
2. if he has a bad relationship with his parents and its not justified by something like abuse, this quote is something i stand by : if you want to see how a boy will treat you in the future, watch how he treats his mother. Both of you (as a long term girlfriend if it got to that point) are important women in his life,so how does he treat such important women? if not well, then get out.
I hope this helped, and i wish you luck. Like i said, some people just cant be told by no fault of their own, and it might just be something you have to go through to have the experience. But if i could help it, i wouldnt go down the path of a relationship with him.
This boy probably feels like he cannot be alone, if he hasn't been single for over a month. He's probably got some very deep insecurity issues, and feels like telling you these things early on "locks" you in in a twisted way. So yes, I do feel bad for him, but this is not your resposibility to be the hero and "save" the damaged drug abusing boy. You seem like a very levelheaded girl, so I trust that you will make the best decision. Maybe it would be better for you two to return to being friends, being bipolar and depressed are very hard things to go through on your own, so knowing that you have someone who relates must feel amazing, but with romantic feelings involved I do not think it is the safest.?