Hey guys so something happened with my boyfriend and I need advice. We have been dating for 8 months now and it has been magical. Recently though, I invited him to my birthday party and he seems like he doesn't want to go. But he does. He told me that he is also invited to his friend's birthday party and he doesn't know which one to go to, which offends me. He is however, going to both parties. So that is the drama that has occurred so far. I think that everything is okay with that. However, recently, I had him over and something bad happened. So we were downstairs and he was spooning me and he put his d*ck between my thighs. My boyfriend and I share the same religion and we have good values. We can be a bit touchy, which I don't think that anything is wrong with that. We hug and cuddle and stuff like that. I have never touched his groin or had sex with him. We are strong believers of sex after marriage and this belief is in our faith. Both of us know that we would never take things any further. He does grab my butt and breasts and I have given him a lapdance once or twice though. He hasn't started grabbing my butt or breasts until later on in this relationship and I gave him my consent and I like it. He knows that I would tell him if I am uncomfortable with anything. So over text, he told me that he isn't going to grab my butt and breasts anymore since the incident and I'm pretty upset about it. Later on I told him what happened when he was over was a no-no and I didn't tell him the night he was over because I didn't know what to do or say. He asked me if I liked it and I said yes, but I know that it was very wrong and I didn't voice that. Later in the week we talked about it and he said that he wasn't thinking when he did it. I told him that I did not expect that to happen and I was shocked and I should have said that to him but I was like a deer in headlights. I do like being intimate with him and I feel like he doesn't want to be intimate anymore which sucks. He said that we will still kiss though. So now I'm not sure what to do. When we hang out again I'm not sure how to act. For example, what if I put my hand on his chest and he says no? What should I do? I think that when a situation like that occurrs again that I will deal with it but for now my boyfriend and I should drop the subject. Things are very awkward between us now and he said that I'm making it more awkward because I won't let it go. I just want things to go back to the way they were. Now I'm afraid to even send him the heart emoji or say "I love you." I know that my thoughts are a bit unorganized and I want to say that the thing that happened will not be repeated, but I still want him and I to be intimate but steer clear from the groin area. He told me that the incident with his d*ck will never happen again. My birthday party is coming up and I know I shouldn't bring the subject up to him and I really don't know what to think about all this. Anyway, what do you guys think about all this? What things are appropriate and innapropriate in a dating relationship? Is it okay for him to grab my butt and breasts? I really need the advice and I would greatly apppreciate it. Thank you! ?
When your in a relationship you will have this turn on of sexual desires but the problem is it will get stronger and stronger. This what is happening since both are strong believers of sex after marriage which is awesome but he must be scared if he continues the way you were he wouldn't be able to control himself and probably you too. So my advice dong let brother you he doing this for both of you. Just control yourself and go by his speed
Huh... Dat religion problems... :)
There are a couple of solutions.
-Try looking at things this way. If you want each other and feel ready, then is there any sense in that "artificial" restrictions? I wonder what those 'technical' virgins are thinking :)
So, first option is - forget about beliefs and let the things happen. If no one knows and you will end up married, then what's the difference? As for me, we are not married with my boyfriend yet, but even without it we've been waiting for almost a year:)
-Have a talk to your guy. Isn't it obvious that he wants to proceed (and you seem to be willing too)? He simply decided to do something more spicy without your permission! So clarify things with him: if you are really scared of losing control, then ask him to never do this again. If you kinda liked the way his parts feel against your skin (which WILL happen eventually) - well then congratulations, your relationship has a level-up :) Just tell him not to move any further.
-Have a talk with him, but say that this is unacceptable for your beliefs and he is not so true and pure as you want him to be:) Let him make the conclusions.
But this is a traumatic and overall rude option.