Complicated Kiss. Help Needed asap!!

(17 years old, sorry for the length!)

Okay, i went to my friend's house last night for new years along with the other two girls in our group. we're all the same age and it was just the four of us for a sleepover. she had cider and i had never drank before but thought i might as well seeing as it was my first time and i would be in a pretty safe environment or whatever. so i had three bottles of bulmers and went a little bit tipsy. between me and another girl (sarah) there's always been a bit of romantic... tension? i don't know what to call it. flirty-ness? at our sleepovers she's always looking into my eyes, or holding my hand or just being generally flirtatious, and i always let it go because i feel as though it's too awkward to reject her, especially when there's 2 other people there too.

(this may sound extremely stupid, but i'm a very anxious person and a constant worrier, i am extremely self conscious and constantly worry about what others think about me.)

we were all in the room; one girl asleep on the single bed, 3 in the double - i was in the middle with sarah beside me. she started cuddling up to me and i thought it was a good idea to kiss her, although i didn't instigate it, i definitely reciprocated.

WHY AM I SO STUPID!!

i've been so worried for the last 24 hours; is she gonna tell our other friends? it was a complete mistake and meant nothing to me. i'm so anxious about what she's gonna say or think from now on.

I woke up in the morning and she didn't say anything to me about it and vise versa. it didn't feel particularly awkward. i woke up, got dressed and all of us went on our phones until my mother came and she walked me downstairs, talked a bit, wished me a happy new year and i left.

she usually tells everyone (at the very least her close friend -me, 2 other girls in our group and a friend she's had since she was 10) stuff about her, doesn't have much of a filter or boundaries. it really worries me that she's going to tell her mother or our friends about the kiss.

(please don't write and tell me not to worry about what other people think because it's like telling a sponge not to absorb water. it's irrational but it's there.)

i just need some advice on what to do. i don't have school for another week but i'm seeing her in a few days for her birthday dinner which is getting me stressed too. i would just like helpful advice to calm my crazy thoughts!

thanks to everyone who read all this! :$

Can't you just call her or text her and tell her you're concerned and that you don't want this stuff made public? If she has no filter or sense of boundaries that's one thing, but if you make a specific point to discuss it with her she might be more willing to take your feelings seriously. Keep in mind that this kiss was as much her idea as yours (if not more so) so you'd think she'd want some privacy for herself, even if she's usually open about such things. I would think she'd value your friendship more than going around and telling everybody (especially her mom) about something personal you had between the two of you.
The first time I shared an intimate moment with my best friend, it was also at a sleepover and things goit out of hand by no deliberate intention. It was very awkward for us afterward until about a monmth later I just got tired of not being 'regular' with my best friend and talked it out with her. We put everything on the table and really cleared the air. Now things could not be better and we're closer as a result. Communication is so important, you really must talk to her about everything you feel and your concerns. I feel strongly that this would help.

 

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