BF and video games: accept or try to discourage?

My boyfriend is 22 I am 20. Our relationship is great but, there are times when he and I could be doing stuff together, but he's playing video games online with guys. Some other RL friends of his, some are online only friends and then he also meets strangers sometimes for whatever reason. Let me back up and explain the situation, he has an apartment, I am in a dorm at college, I have papers and tests etc so I can't be at his place any night I want so to me, the other nights are when he could do stuff, when I can be around I would like to be the priority. And for the most part I am but sometimes he'll be like, "this was the only night everybody else could be online" and he's there on the couch wearing a headset talking about killing stuff in video games while I am there kind of bored.

I have tried a couple of strategies, one is to tempt him, like snuggle up on him or sit on his leg or take off my shirt. One time I got on my knees between his leg and was going to do something sexual but he kind of nicely pushed me away. Also I asked if I could play it with him, but I guess to do that we'd need another xbox in his apartment, he did give me his headset and controller for a while, I said hi to everybody and ran around looking at things, and they were all telling me how to shoot the gun so I shot the wall a lot, and fell off a cliff a few times then I could tell they were getting annoyed and wanted him back.

Anyway I am just wondering if it's better to leave it like it is or if it's worth a fight, it honestly does bug me, there are seriously like four nights a week when he could do this while I am not around!!

Personally, I would talk to him about it. Clearly, he enjoys gaming - and that's OK - but he's also not making much of an effort for your relationship.

Your sacrificing in some ways (being responsible in keeping up with papers/school work) and he isn't doing his part by being free that one night (or working to schedule his gaming out differently). I would begin by askings there any way we could plan ahead so we both have the same night free? For example if he wants to game every Wednesday night because most of his friends are free then, you could adjust your work flow so you're then both free say on Friday.

I would be careful to not come across as accusatory - he probably sees that gaming time as a hobby / friend time, so will probably get defensive if you outright say "I hate that you play games...". Try instead to just say 'hey, what can we do to plan ahead and make our schedules work better?' to start the conversation. If he's willing to talk, then you can share further of how it frustrates you and is no fun for you to sit around and be ignored and hopefully he'll listen.

Additionally, if he isn't willing to talk about it or plan ahead, I would stop going to see him or find a way to go home early if he's gaming - have a friend who can pick you up, take an Uber/Lyft --- if you do this even once, I think he'd quickly ge the message that you might be ready to walk out on the entire relationship if he doesn't start paying attention to you!

Thanks! To be fair he's great most of the time, this has only happened four times so far. And, he just moved back from another state where he was for years during college and I think he does it partly to stay in touch with his friends from there. But still!! There are FOUR guaranteed nights per week I won't be around!! I mean it can be different nights but, I only come over about three nights per week.

My brother does similar video games but it's different because most of the time I'm not trying to get him to hang out, we do hang out some but we also each do our own thing. With my brother if I need his attention while he's on a video game, like if my parents told me to call him for dinner and he's ignoring me, I'll stand right in front of the TV until he responds lol. Sometimes we throw things at each other but with a BF it's a different situation.

Next time it happens I think I will say "if you're going to do video games, can you first take me back to my dorm so I can study" or something. But I bet he'll say "why don't you study here and then we can hang out later" which would be a logical idea, I am just looking for a way to express my annoyance without escalating it too much.

Okay that gives a little more perspective - he's used to his gaming nights :)

That sounds like a good plan; make it clear you're annoyed without it necessarily escalating. Hopefully that will at least either get him to notice and/or get the two of you to outright talk about it, and he'll then at least understand to work on it better and not totally ignore you.

He may not recognize the subtle or what you think are not so subtle hints. Sometimes men need to hear it in words.


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