In love with and slept with a guy who's got a girlfriend - help!

Hey so...

I've know this guy, we'll call him Dan, for about 6 years now. He's been my best friend for ages, back when we were 14 or so we'd talk all the time over FB, (I mean ALL the time). Eventually the conversation got dirty and we started sending pics. I think Dan was into me at the time, and looking back I'm pretty sure I was into him too, I just kinda didn't let myself realise it. We we're both kinda awkward kids which might have been why we got on so well, but we weren't really in a position to date. Anyway the dirty messaging ended coz my parents found out and ... Weren't happy. We kept talking though and I still considered him one of my best friends. We actually promised to marry each other when we were 40 if we were both single. A while later I started dating someone guy, and Dan was really into me but I didn't pick up on the what are now obvious signs. My bf at the time was kinda protective and didn't like me talking to Dan, so I slowly faded out our conversation (I'm not proud of that). He was upset at this, fairly, and we didn't talk for about a year. When I broke up with my bf I rebound snogged one of Dan's best friends which I hadn't even thought would hurt him but really did. Basically I was a massive inconsiderate jerk to him... He didn't speak to me for maybe half a year, but eventually we started talking again a bit. Then I moved schools and started dating someone else so the conversation was never as inensive as it had been as we just seemed to have less to talk about. He was still a good friend though, but we just drifted apart and we didn't really speak though most of sixth form, execpt occasionally. As sixth form was ending we started talking some more. Then we were at a party, both kinda drunk, and we ended up kissing (secretly though, neither of us wanted our friends to know). The next morning we were like 'that was stupid what were we doing' and he was like 'theres this girl I'm really into and I don't want to mess things up with her I'm sorry' etc. So we like agreed to move on. But then a little while later we were over at my friends house and basically got together again EXCEPT he had started dating this girl like two days before. We both know we shouldn't have done it. He wouldn't let me kiss him but we got naked. Tbh I don't know why the kissing was an issue, like we were already doing something that was wrong. Anyway again then next morning we said that was stupid and never should have done it etc. He didn't tell his gf. Then he went off on holiday for like a month, and I could not get him out my head. I eventually admitted to myself that I was really crazy about him. When he got back we met with some other friends at a pub. We both kept buying each other drinks trying to get the other one trollied. We weren't that drunk but it got late and I live a train ride and a cycle ride away from that pub so he said I could stay at his. And I think to neither of our suprise we ended up having sex. Then he went away like the next day to a festival and so I didn't speak to him until he got back and I told him he had to stop fucking around before he hurts his gf. I don't know her really but she seems lovely and really good for him, but there was still a big part of me that hoped he would chose me not her, although I knew I couldn't ask him to. But he said he really liked her and didn't want anything to happen between us again but he wanted us to still be friends. I said me too but that I'd need a little bit of time as I was feeling pretty heart broken. Anyway we've started chatting again now coz I felt like I'd got over him, but I'm not so sure. Im now just confused what he feels towards me and I really want to see him again but also I don't think we can actually meet up in person as it might get weird again. He really is one of my best friends and I don't know what to do because I also really feel like we are perfect for each other. It's ironic really coz I'm getting a taste of my own medicine - he liked me when I was in a relationship, and now it's the other way around. But at least I was always clear I didn't like him back. I'm just confused and my heart aches. Any advice please?? (P.s. sorry for such a long post) xx

Whew. What a doozy. Alright....

I'm just gonna go right out and say it: both of you are selfish. Especially him because he gets to have his cake and eat it, too.?

Also, don't lie to yourself; you're not over him.

As far as advice goes, it's gonna sound easier said than done. He's in a relationship, which means he's off limits.?There's nothing wrong with being friends, but if both of you lack the self control around each other to be JUST friends, you're better off not talking until he's no longer in a relationship. I should also mention that, while you may not have any control over your feelings, you definitely have control over your actions.

It certainly takes two to tango. The next time you do talk to him, cause let's face it you already have, and the topic of seeing each other again comes up, bring up the fact that the things that happened the last time will most likely happen again, and he needs to seriously reconsider the feelings he has for you as well as for her. If he really wants to make things good with his gf, that means limiting the time you spend with him drastically. If it turns out he actually doesn't like her that much, then he needs to tell her that. You don't need to give him an ultimatum of "it's either her or me!" but he needs to understand that if he really wants to make his current relationship work, and you two can't seem to keep your hands off each other, then maybe he'd do better not talking to you at all while he's wth her.

 

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment