im really confused as to what i should do

first of all im in year 10 and this guys in year 12 (but the age gap is only 11 months), if age matters that is. ive had been talking to this guy for almost two months, but the way we started talkkng was so cute tbh. it was at my friends party and i was dancing til ?turned around and he was just right there facing me. i hugged him tightly even tho ive neverr everr spoken to hm before, just seen him around school and thats when it all began really. we started talking about a month three weeks after that when i finally decided to add him on fb. he tried to first but i deactivated ages ago, only usig messenger butt anyways yeh, so i added him and we talked for a while. it seemed we caught feelings for eachother and everthing but every now and then he'd say we're just friends or "mates". before we got deep and everthing he mentioned he doesnt do relationships and everything, but at one point he called me his girl and sadi i love you, but i didnt really say it back bc i didnt know what to so really, so i siad i really really like you bc honesty is something big for me. i even snuck outta my house a few times to meet up and so happened made out at the park (at first i thought it was a i wanna see you and just talk tho, but things got heated, but anywayss). the third time i went to see him we went to his house and i almost lost my virginity really, which i still dont know how to feel about. so that shii was confusing. we go to the same school and when he sees me me smiles and hugs me. our dm's have been dry lately after he said we're just mates and i was not that cool with it but nonetheless accpeted it. i tried distancing myself so i could lose feelings faster since he mightn't have the same feelings anymore, i even unfriending him... the thing is when its morning or afterschool, he'd take the route past my locker so if i was there we'd hug or say bye or talk the littlest bit, i really missed that tbh so yesterday i dm'd him after two weeks of being left on seen, asking what hes up to. i sorta told him i wanted to see him so we planned to meet up. i was so happy and everything until he said dw about coming and that he didnt wanna come anymore since he "needs to stay home". i understood that but was hurt sort of since i tried to make an effort and everything but it didnt work so i told him what i previously planned to tell him that day but ended up not, which was that i dont think we can be mates since i still had feelings for him, and this thing whatever it is we have or had isnt going anywhere and its basically wasting my time and feelings, yeh i was pretty straight up. i slept on it and woke up this morning have the urge to dm him saying i still wanna see you.?

the confusing thing is to me im not sure if its him i miss or having someone to sneak out to in the middle of the night as a thrill or if he still likes me or not or if i should take this "thing" (i dont really wanna call it a relationship) seriously since im still a teen. i'd really appreciate someones perspective on this on what i should do.

i told two of my closest friends and they both said since he's senior and leaving at the end of the term, i should "have fun" any everything with him, but im just really cautious as to if my feelings will get hurt again from being rejected or even when he leaves but yehh. idk what to do.?


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