does age really matter?

Hi everyone!
What are your opinions on age differences in relationships?
I've been really conflicted about this for a couple months now since my parents met my boyfriend (he's 44 and I'm 21).
Do you guys think it's too much of an age difference?

I'm really upset about this lately. I truly had no idea how old he was until a coworker told me (we both work at my boyfriend's shop) because he literally looks like he could be at most 30. My parents keep on telling me he's just toying with me and that it's weird how he's never been married. They were so angry at me that we've been dating for a year now and are practically living together. I'm so torn and devastated, just thinking of leaving him makes my chest ache.

What do you guys think? Is he too old for me?

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That's not bad. As long as you're both legal adults and he's not old enough to be your Grandfather it's fine.

I feel like it makes a pretty big difference when you're at different places in life, such as high school vs college, or college vs workforce. When you're in the same stage though age doesn't really affect much because your goals and habits are similar. Hope this will help.

This raises concerns when the two people are in two different stages in their life. For example, he is at a stage where it is quite normal to be married and have children, which could easily be what he is looking for. Do you believe you are at that same stage? You need to take into consideration your life goals and how these things could easily slow them down. Do not feel pressured into anything, as it is far from your fault if you do not feel ready!

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Thanks for taking the time to answer, first of all. Secondly, I've been giving this dilemma so much thought lately. What you're saying is sooooo true. I feel very pressured sometimes to act?more mature when I'm around him. Sometimes I feel very limited in terms of going out on dates, like it's stupid to have a movie date or just going shopping. I feel like it's immature to ask. He says it's fine and he enjoys it because it's with me but I don't know. I'm still uncomfortable with some aspects of our relationship but I hope we'll figure them out on the way.

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We've never talked about marriage to a full extent, honestly. I know for a fact he wasn't actively looking for someone to marry when he began dating me. I'm not interested in marriage either. And as for children,?he's unable to have children so...we'll probably have many cats even if we never get officially married :) that alone is good enough for me.

I think it COULD work but the odds are against it just because you're likely to have different interests, including different goals for your relationship. I wouldn't end a relationship simply due to our ages but I would probably be on high alert that he wants kids like, next year. Or that he is only with you to boost his ego that he got a young girl or if he got off on imagining stuff like "when I was 35 she was 12" or whatever.

I am a little sensitive about the topic because for a short time last year I dated somebody who was eight years older than me, which is a much smaller difference than you are talking about but it was still a big deal, I was a college sophomore in a dorm with no job and no income, he had an established career, he treated me really well but I was always paranoid that he or his friends wouldn't take me seriously. It might have all been in my head but ultimately how it ended is, I wouldn't give him sex (way past the point you'd normally expect it) and he got mad at me for "not trusting him" and I got mad and broke up with him. He was probably more correct that I was in a way but, at some level it wasn't right for me and I knew that so I think it was best for both of us to end it. Anyway I am not saying you should end it I guess I am just relating the things that were on my mind about a similar situation but maybe you'll read it and go "nope, I don't feel that way" and if that is the case maybe you should give it a fair chance. JMO!!

 

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