Confused and Hurting

So, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over eight months now. We started off as the perfect couple and before I go on, yes I understand relationships never remain in that perfect stage. The arguements and fights are what every couple faces, it tests them to see if they can pull through together or not. I have no problem with that, I'm willing to push through anything if it means being with the person I love and I absolutely love my boyfriend.?So I'll start from the beginning, the first month he was really insecure, he thought I was playing him because he's never had a girlfriend before me. He's always felt isolated and like people didn't care about him, so had a small issue with?trusting me. The first month was when we learned a lot about each other, almost everything. Which, I know, that can be bad but I couldn't hold back. We helped each other through everything. Whether it be depression, social issues or just anything in general. I found out he has a foot fetish which I have absolutely no problem with whatsoever, if it makes him happy it makes me happy.?

The second month was just as amazing as the first, I learnt how to make someone who's never felt love before to feel absolutely loved. I earned his trust and he believed I wasn't just playing him. He was the one who was opening up to me, telling me what he goes through, etc. I loved to help him through his problems, to be there for him. Before I forget to mention, in the second month I moved an hour away to a new city, new school, new everything. It was and still can be pretty difficult for me. Anyways, he thought I never told him my problems and I preffered to keep them to myself even though he kept urging me to tell him. Eventually I started to, maybe once a week. Whereas, he'd tell me something every day.

So I'll skip to recently. Recently he has been going through a lot, people urging him to get a job, confused on where he wants to go in life, pressured to get his P's. I wish so badly that I could be there for him but I'm an hour away and sadly, I can't be there all the time. However, he's been saying hurtful things to me. I had staff infection all over my legs for months and traces of it still linger. One time he told me and I quote "Tbh, I'd be happier if it was gone" he refuses to believe he ever said that to me. Also one time he told me he was looking at this other girls feet and if given the oppurtunity to lick them or whatever he'd probably take it. This hurt me so much but I hid it. He's not like that anymore, he tells me I'm his one and only.

Another thing is because he kept telling me to say what's wrong, that I dont open up enough, I've been doing just that. Problem after problem I tell him. I can tell he gets annoyed with it even if he denies it but I've grown so used to it?that I can't go back to how I used to be.?One time he said something hurtful I can't even remember?what he said but I remember saying how I felt about it to him and he thought we were "falling apart" and that "I've changed"?because?I had a problem with?what he said. I legit feel like I can't say anything without causing us to break up so I have to pretend to be happy and act like nothings wrong. I still occasionally talk to him about things but I don't feel comfortable when doing so.

Two more things, when he talks to me?I give him advice and he acts so uninterested when I say anything even though he says?he wants to hear my opinions on things. He says that I'm uncomforting and yet he refuses he's ever said that as well because?he'd "never say anything like that" Lastly,?today I went down to visit him after a month of not seeing him, he had this crazy mood swing that he says was random in the middle of our day together. If we saw each other more this wouldn't bother me. This was?supposed to be our day together, a day where I made him feel happy and loved but he had a random mood swing that ruined all of my efforts and idk if I said something or not because he wont tell me and says it was random. ?He's said a number of more things but I don't want to expose him on tiny things he's said. All humans make mistakes and I really don't want to hold them to heart, which I'm having a huge amount of trouble with.

The last thing I want to hear is I should leave him, I really do see a future with him and I love him more than I've loved everyone but I don't know if I've been doing anything to cause him to act this way or if it's just all the crap he's dealing with. I want to fix this more than anything because I know that if we broke up, he wouldn't have anyone and I wouldn't have anyone, all I want for him is for him to feel like he has someone who truely cares and loves him.

Could you break this up into paragraphs. I cannot read giant chunks like this.

I did. It changed it to one big chunk.

It has taken me to research and write this book, many people have asked about the project. I expected that my answer, containing the words?evil?and?suffering.

The first physician to die of the AIDS virus in the United Kingdom was a young Christian. He contracted the disease while conducting medical research in Zimbabwe. In the last days of his life he struggled to express himself to his wife. Near the end, he couldn't talk, and had only enough strength to write the letter J. She ran through her mental dictionary, saying various words beginning with J. None was right.?

Well thanks for the advice on paragraphs and promoting books. Last time I'll use this website

 

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