Father REALLY Dislikes My Boyfriend

I want to first thank you for taking the time to read my post, It's awesome you're willing to help give someone you don't even know advice! I'm very thankful for your output :)?

I've been seeing my boyfriend for about two years now, I love him and I love spending time with him. To me, he is almost perfect, he has his flaws, but so does everyone. My father hates that we are together. He gets mad if I tell him we are hanging out( 90% of the time I lie about going to see him to avoid being yelled at), and grumpy if my boyfriend comes to visit. He doesn't like him becasue he is 13 years older than me, and he insn't finanically independant. I can see where he is coming from, and the fact that he is 33 and can't be financally independant does bother me too. He is a good guy though, ?I've never gotten along with someone so well before, he truly is my best friend and I love him. I'm only 20, I don't know if we'll last, but at least for now, he makes me happy and the thought of not having him in my life sounds devastating right now.?

It gets very stressful constantly having to lie to my dad and afraid of him freaking out and yelling at me. Right now I'm a full time student in college and can only work my barely above minimum wage job part time now, so moving out isn't a great option. I feel like since I'm living under my dad's roof I have to obey his wishes, so to speak. My father is a very hot headed and stubborn man, he can't look past the fact that my boyfriend doesn't make money and is older than me. I'm going to school for nursing and I don't want to have to lean on a partner in life to make money, so the fact that my boyfriend doesn't make money right now doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother him. As for our age, I know it's a bit of a jump, but he's amost in my boat, he's slowly going through school too. He looks good for his age and acts young, it hasn't been too much of a hinder on our relationship.

I don't know what a solution would be to this problem. My father doesn't change his mind on issues and he is scary when he yells, I just wanna run away and cry. I just think it's unfair how he's trying to dictate my life. Before my boyfriend, I did see a guy for a while who was in charge of a company and made good money. It just didn't appeal to me. Money is not important to me in finding someone to be with. Sorry if I went on too long, thank you again for reading my post, advice is greatly appreciated!?

That's a pity. And I hope things improve. It's a wonder your Dad can still be bothered to get mad about the situation after 2 years. There can't be a fresh argument left as I'd have thought anything you or he had to say about the situation must have already been said 100 times over. Is your Dad willing to prioritize being able to continue ranting about your boyfriend, even if it possibly meant you'd get so fed up with it you'd move out ? Maybe even if you didn't intend to move out permanently, but perhaps could move in with a friend for a week or so to bring your Dad to his senses.

Personally I couldn't stand to go over the same old ground for long, certainly not letting it continue for years. Give your Dad your undivided attention for 2 or 3 hours, maybe a whole evening. Let him say what he wants to say, listen to it all carefully, but make it clear that's it....he's had his say and that's an end to it. If you were 15 it's a different matter but at 20 I think it's time that after getting the same 'advice' about your choice of boyfriend for 2 years, you need to say 'enough is enough', you know his opinions off by heart and you can recite his arguments in your sleep....now it's time to button it.
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Thank you! That sounds like a good idea, I just need to get the courage to talk to him like that. Even my boyfriend has told me that if he wants someone to yell at, let him yell at him. My dad isn't like that though, he'll give me grief about it when he's not around, and won't say a word to him. Trying to talk to him probably is the only solution though, we just are not great at communicating with eachother.?

None of us here know either you or your Dad, and so we don't really know whether ideas we put forward are best for a particular situation. You didn't need telling that a sensible calm grown up conversation with your Dad was the best way of finding a solution, but we also ?know you would have already taken that route if it was that easy. Perhaps work on improving the communication with your Dad on less controversial things first....and then if you've been able to improve things then later on get round to the more controversial subject of your boyfriend.

Only you would know whether your this might work with your Dad.Some people seem to actually enjoy yelling.

Good luck.

Mx
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