Friend not happy about BDSM friends with benefits

I am 19, and going to be a softmore in college. When I started college, I met this guy who I was instantly attracted to. We started talking more and more, and eventually started making out and fooling around. When things continued to get heated, we talked and agreed to keep things casual, and only be friends. We also agreed to keep our arrangement secret. This worked out good for both of us, and I was fully comfortable with him before I slept with him. He told me before hand that he was "kinky (BDSM)" and liked to be dominant. We have a safe word, and I love what we have going in our secret relationship. We've been sleeping together for almost a year when my friend found out. She was pissed, and says he is brainwashing me and keeping me around as his sex slave. She says if I don't end it, she will tell my very religious parents. My parents will kill me if they found out. I was always convinced what me and my "special friend" had going on was okay, and only our business, but now I am starting to doubt it. Should I end it with the guy who I have fun with, or continue? Is what we're doing wrong??

true

Well I think in most places online you are going to get a lot of responses like "it's your business, as long as you're safe, your friend is being nosey, maybe she's not a real friend" type comments. However I always figure, I will say the truth because it is anonymous anyway so who am I trying to impress!

Here is what I think. First of all I am 20 and going to be a junior in college. And I had some weird and bad experiences with guys as a freshman and then starting into my sophomore year. I might project onto you a little idk. But, I think being sexually submissive puts you in a very exposed position emotionally, also physically but in this case mainly emotionally. I think girls in that situation are likely to get obsessed with the guy, while guys in his situation are probably just in it for the sex or for feeling powerful or whatever. In other words I think at some point you are going to get hurt emotionally and when that happens and you realize that he was just getting his rocks off, you are going to feel angry betrayed cheap and taken advantage of.

Like I said maybe I am just projecting!!

I think it is fine to be sexually submissive but only if the guy really cares about you beyond the sex. (I am sexually submissive but had to persuade my current boyfriend to do it that way, it wasn't his idea it was mine.)

Also as a general comment even aside from the other stuff, I think someone always gets hurt in FWB anyway because one person always wants it to turn into a relationship.

Good luck!!

 

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