I recently relocated to Paris from the US for a job opportunity. I signed a year contract, but I'm already in love with the city and I want to pursue opportunities that would allow me to stay longer. Anyway, I left my boyfriend of almost a year behind and I've found myself wanting to end things with him. It's wild because he's a great guy and has been nothing short of amazing. In the short time we've been together he's been my confidant and stood by me through some really tough times. It sucks because I feel like I have always wanted a boyfriend like the one I have now, but my heart is leading me somewhere else. I asked him if he would consider taking a break and he refuses. He said he would be fine doing long distance for a couple of years but I just feel like it's not realistic. I'm just so torn because I'm afraid I will regret my decision if I let such a great guy go, but at the same time I want to be selfish. I'm still a young woman and I feel opportunities like this come around seldom, but so do good men. I also feel somewhat guilty because how supportive he's been during my times of need. I just don't know what to do.?
Firstly, I don't think you should take into account "all he's done for you." You guys were together and couples help one another when they can, so don't look at it as a debt owed. I also think you should be honest with yourself. Is the reason that you want to break things off because you are in a totally new country, in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and you want to live the single life? I'm not trying to project, but I have been there so I totally understand if that's where you're coming from. The bottom line is, you need to be completely honest with him. Tell him how you feel and lay everything out on the table. I'm not trying to sound cliche, but if you two are meant to be with one another you will get through this. LDR a couple hours away are hard...countries away are going to be 10x harder. Those relationships require more money, sacrifice, and communication than any other. If you guys cannot afford to visit one another every couple of months I think it will be extremely difficult. Seeing your significant other every 3 to 6 months is hard. I hope I helped some.?
i dont feel it's fair to you or to him - to attempt to be chaste for a year apart. you both should live your lives and if you return to the united states then you can reunite if it's meant to be. but that's just how i feel (smile).?
Thanks for your input. The only reason I was taking into account how he's been there for me because I know how upset I would be if I helped someone get where they wanted to be and then they dropped me like a bad habit. I received the job offer last minute without having much $ saved up and he bought my plane ticket and I just worked extra hours. So I feel extremely guilty because of that. And you're right, it's basically because I want to play the field which is shitty. I cried at the airport leaving him, but once I got here it was like I didn't even care. It confuses me because if I TRULY loved him, would I be able to give up this easily? I'm just so unsure right now.
I have been through the exact same thing. The first time I moved away and got my own freedom and independence I felt like I wanted to leave my boyfriend of 6 years. We had a break for a while and, long story short, we got back together. It took all that heartbreak to realise I wanted to be with him. Ask yourself if he was to move on, could you deal with it? Will you want him back after 6 months, a year? On your bad days, do you think you could cope without having him to talk to? Or on your good days and you want to tell someone your good news?
You don't have to take my advice but this was just my experience.
See, that's where I'm torn. In the moment I feel like I wouldn't be too upset if he were to move on, but it's like down the line would the regret set in? Would I realize that I've made a huge mistake and it is too late to right my wrong? That's why I just wanted to take a break but he's not having it. I think he believes that I want to be free to have sex with other guys and honestly that's not what it's about. Yes, I'd like to meet guys and MAYBE date after a while, but it has been nearly impossible to meet girls here. I even got a tinder account strictly for women and in my bio I put that I'm brand new to the country and want to meet other girls and they're not interested. I've tried Facebook groups, the whole 9 yards. Guys are the only ones that approach me in public and I know it's because they're attracted to me. So it's like a conflict of interest to be around men like that when I have a boyfriend back home. I try to make small talk with girls that I see in passing like on the train or walking and it never works out. I just don't want to feel lonely and miserable because then I'll definitely want to go home.?
Ok first think I'm gonna say is I'm extremely jealous of you right now, Paris is like my dream. Anyways, I'm only 19 and you can take my advice or not it's completely up to you. I'm going to sound extremely cliche but do what your?heart is telling you. Honestly, if it's meant to be it'll work itself out and if it's not then you'll find an even better guy in the long run. All I'm saying is if you feel like it's not going to work out then that's your gut telling you you're right.?