So um, this is awkward but I need help...

So I'm 22 and my 26 year old boyfriend of 5 years and I decided we should do it. It was a romantic night and everything was perfect... Until we got to bed. He is an exceptional lover and he was great. I don't really want to go into great detail so... Yeah. Anyway I have masturbated before and I hadn't put in anything bigger than an EXPO marker. (that was just a comparison I don't stick markers in myself, just no) I was prepared, lubed and all, but he got in about an inch and I had to stop. The pain was too much. We tried again and he got in, moved, but by then I was screaming. I don't want to sound weird, he wasn't super big but I'm definitely not going to call it small. I went to the gynecologist and she said it was normal and I was just getting used to it. So about a week later we tried again. Same thing. He got in and we rested a little before he moved, but we had to stop again. It was like appendicitis, which I've had. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. IT IS THE MOST EXCRUCIATING THING. I actually started bleeding the second time. I went back to the gynecologist and she told me I should have waited a little longer and gave me medicine and said it would heal and I didn't need surgery.

what is going on? I don't think this is normal. I have a lot of female friends who said it didn't hurt like that. One of them told me about this site so here I am. Please help, my gynecologist doesn't seem to get it.

Did you look into the possibility that it could be Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction, or reflex muscle tightening, of the pelvic floor muscles that generally occurs when an attempt is made to insert an object (tampon, penis, speculum used for a Pap test) into the vagina. This muscle tightening causes pain, which can range from mild discomfort to severe burning and aching. Vaginismus may be primary (i.e. lifelong), or secondary (occurring after a period of normal sexual function). It may also be global (occurs in all situations and with any object) or situational (may only occur in certain situations, such as with one partner but not others, or with sexual intercourse but not with tampons or pelvic exams or vice versa).

I've heard of those and thought it over. I've never had it before so I guess it's situational. That would really suck because I'm kind of ready to do this. I looked online and it said vaginisms can be painful to the partner as well. I asked him but he said he didn't feel any real pain. I'm not too sure its vaginisms because it wasn't really the tightness that hurt, it was the stretching. I stopped bleeding and all and I haven't tried anything else since. I'm not going to either until this is resolved. There is still a little discomfort when I sit down. It sounds like vaginisms but like I said it wasn't the tightness it was the stretching. Is there anything else it could be?

I don't know, maybe you should try having him "massage" you down there for a bit before getting into can make things easier ?

Is he performing oral or anything on you before you try to actually have intercourse?

Yes there is a profuse amount of massaging and oral from him... O_O     We did a lot before he actually tried to go in. I was relaxed and everything. I mean of course it being my first time I was a little nervous but I trust him. I'm getting a little worried about this. What if something is really wrong and medically we just can't tell yet? I'm kind of a paranoid person...

You've been to the gyno twice so I think that if something was really seriously wrong that they would have figured it out.
Your vagina is basically a muscle, a very stretchy one, and it can/will adjust to it.
I would advise using lube and (I'm gonna get graphic right now) have him finger you, a lot, start with one finger and have him work his way SLOWLY up to two. I can't have intercourse comfortably with my boyfriend without being fingered before because it's too much of a stretch.
Just keep practicing, don't push yourself though, if it hurts then stop.

I'm going back to the gynecologist in a few days to follow up on my bleeding. I looked online some more and it said the discomfort should stop soon. I'll wait and give myself three or four weeks before trying again. (Here's the graphic part) As for fingering, we do a good amount but it can be increased some more. The second time we tried he fingered me for a good eight-ten minutes, but of course it didn't work out. I called my friend and she said to buy toys a little bigger than what I'm used to and just size up from there. I'll do that maybe two weeks from now.

Aside from that he said I wasn't particularly tight, just hard to get into and make progress. I guess every few hundred girls this happens. I know I'm not the only girl in the world with this problem. (Still not trying to be weird or prying) but Did any of your first hurt? (Maybe not the way I did but did it at all?)

I'm not a virgin, and yes...there was some pain my very first time.  It didn't last too long though...just some inital pain at first, had to go slow...then it was just kinda uncomfortable for a minute or two...but by that time he had know.  It wasn''t until the 3rd time or so that sex actually started to feel good for me once he was in.

My first time was uncomfortable but not painful, hopefully the doctor can help you sort it out too.

I'm guessing it's nerves inducing vaginismus, as one of the other girls suggested. Basically, you're so nervous that it's going to hurt that you clench your muscles to brace yourself against it...which really just causes the pain. For you, the muscle spasm is strong enough that it prevents him from moving forward.

"it wasn't really the tightness that hurt, it was the stretching"

I'm not sure that really makes sense....It seems like the same thing. Your vagina is trying to stretch to accomodate his penis, but the tightness caused by the muscle spasm is preventing it. It's not the muscle spasm itself that's necessarily painful, it's trying to "fight" it.

Huh... Now that you say it like that it makes sense that that doesn't make sense... Does that make sense? Anyway I get what you mean but I'm still confused about how he didn't think I was tight. According to him he didn't feel a lot of squeezing and no pain.

Can he put a finger in without a problem? Can you put a finger in without a problem?

Fingers are fine. No more than two. Three gets uncomfortable.

Hmm, so the muscles are very tight. crushinggrief's guess of Vaginismus sure sounds plausible. I wonder if a little alcohol would help calm the mind. 

There's also "pelvic-floor dysfunction". And apparently a book titled Heal Pelvic Pain, by physical therapist Amy Stein.

Absolutely no alcohol. I HATE the smell of alcohol. I can barely hold a frickin' beer. Yeah I know pathetic right? I hate alcohol.

Anyway I went back to the gynecologist today. I'm fine. All healed up and stuff. She told me to take it slow and such. In about two weeks I'll do that thing with the toys my friend suggested. Maybe the week or two after we can try sex again. (Graphic) Lots of fingering and more lube LOL alegnatm and crushinggrief. 

I dislike alcohol too. (My attempted career as an alcoholic is a dismal failure. I got to give those alcoholics credit-they must really be dedicated to drink that stuff!) :)

Doge5:Huh... Now that you say it like that it makes sense that that doesn't make sense... Does that make sense? Anyway I get what you mean but I'm still confused about how he didn't think I was tight. According to him he didn't feel a lot of squeezing and no pain. 

I'm not sure I'd consider him an expert in your body, nor would I use his experience of the whole encounter as diagnostic. You said he hadn't gotten farther than an inch, so he'd really have no way to feel whether or not it was "tight" or if there was "squeezing." He couldn't have gotten more than the head of his penis inside you, so I'm surprised he could say he felt much of anything. I'm not sure where you got the information that vaginismus should be painful to him, but that's not true.

When I said we tried the second time I meant he got all the way in and moved but we stopped. I guess asking him was my next best option. Apparently not. I went toy shopping with a friend yesterday so next weekend will be an instetesting one. Sorry for not being clear.

hope it goes well! Best wishes!

So, believe it or not, I also think it's normal because when I was 17 which was a long time ago I decided to have sex with my high school sweetheart and now ex boyfriend of course, he was really big and he only put the tip in and it hurt so bad.  It was the worst pain I had ever witness back then.  But now thinking about it, I was a virgin so for it to hurt like that really is normal.  It doesn't happen to everybody but everybody has different tolerance levels when it comes to pain.  Yours and mine sound very similar.  At this point, I don't think there is anything you can do about it.  Your doing everything right.  Just keep doing it with your boyfriend and most of the pain will eventually go away.  Good luck!

Well, ladies, it's been almost three weeks...

Woohoo!!!!! So my idiot friend (I love her) got me to buy this vibrator... No problem! Not as big as my man but sufficient. So I have this idea... What if I use the vibrator to loosen me up before he puts in himself? The vibrator does a GREAT job of relaxing my muscles. I think the idea is good, but I have one setback... He's not kinky. He can be kinda shy talking about this stuff. We have talked, but he doesn't like to verbally address his little friend. We don't really talk while we're in bed, only when he asks me if I'm okay. Should I encourage more talking? Thoughts please! We plan to hit it off this weekend... I think. ;)

Absolutely add more talking in bed if that is what you are into! Do what turns you on right? Since you can use vibrators, I think it would be safe to bag the Vaginismus concerns. And I would really discourage drinking (seems like you already weren't thrilled with that idea!) because it can also just tighten you up more, alcohol can do that sometimes it's a strange thing. However one organ that essential to having sex is (drum roll please...) THE BRAIN! There might be a mental hurdle in your head right now with sex, which is fine! If it continues to bother you, you might want to consider visiting with a counclior to see if there is something clouding your judgement that they could help you with to make your love life much more enjoyable! Often that is the case with many problems in the bed room, just a mental wall that needs reconstruction! I would not worry too much about it though, just relax and have a good time!

I'll start talking. I wonder if I get kinky he will too... I don't however want to ruin the mood and just hand him the vibrator and say "Use it." How could I bring it up? I don't want to turn him off or make him do all the work.

I think when the time comes you will probably think of something more seductive to say haha. You could talk to him ahead of time about using the vibrator in bed and let him take the lead with that a bit more? I don't think a vibrator will ruin the mood. But sex is always awkward so just be ready to laugh things off when the inevitable odd moments happen. 

Best. Weekend. Ever.

He tricked me! He's SO KINKY! I was dumbfounded, really. So with success we FINALLY did it with little pain. I didn't talk to him about using the vibrator but I left it on the nightstand by the bed. I didn't say anything about it but he literally just grabbed it, gave me a smile and went to town. After that he entered himself. It worked perfectly. The next day he whispered "I know you left that vibrator for me." I died. Laughing into hysteria was unavoidable. I'm not sure 100% why I had problems before, I'll just blame vaginismus or something. Thanks for all your help ladies. And look, I found a new sex trick! ;)

omg some woman had that on SEX SENT ME TO THE ER.

dont worry x

I don't know, maybe you should try having him "massage" you down there for a bit before getting into can make things easier ?


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