Age Gap and His Parents

Hello,I'm 19 (college freshmen) and my boyfriend is 17 (high school senior).We've been together for 6 months and it has not been an easy road to travel down. When we initially got together, my parents were very picky about me hanging around him and me being a distraction to him since he's still in high school. His parents on the other hand were thrilled to see me and they thought it was cool that he has this new girl in his life and were more than willing to talk to me and get to know me. A few months have gone by and I began to see a change in my parents. They ask me how he's doing and even are happy to talk to him IN PERSON (we're talking about my 60-year-old parents here... this is a HUGE milestone for me). Although things are getting better for me, they've been getting worse for him. We don't hang out that much nowadays because I'm working and his parents are beginning to crack down on him with his struggle to finish school and focus more on the family (now keep in mind - we usually go 2-3 weeks without seeing each other because we do not want to aggravate our parents and make them think our priorities are off because they aren't - not for me at least). About a month ago, my boyfriend wrecked his car with his stepdad and stepbrother in it with him - that's when things started to get sour. They started to lose trust in him and are no longer letting him drive to school or anywhere else with the fear of him doing the same thing again. They've also started to request him to hang out with me less and focus on household duties more. Of course, that's not a problem because we already go long periods without seeing each other. Time went by and I had no idea that he was lying to his mom about going to see me. I thought she was okay with that and I would ask him and he would brush it off saying that she's just fine with it. 2 weeks ago, he got caught being out with me (SHE HAS A TRACKING DEVICE ON HIS PHONE) and scolded him saying that she's beginning to lose all trust. I felt bad because I should've known to not leave where we were but I also had no idea about the tracking device on him or the issue of him lying to her. To top all this off, yesterday was my birthday. Turned 19 on Sunday. On Saturday night, I was at work and we were emailing each other and found out we were right down the street from each other. So, being at his brother's apartment, we decided that after work, I would run there to hang for about 20mins and then head home. So, we met up outside and we talked and laughed. He laid his head on my chest and I thought nothing of it because he does it often. We are not sexually active and we never have had sex. I mean in general, we've never slept with anyone at all. When I get home, I'm changing my clothes when I realize my nipples are showing through my shirt and I texted him saying "I realize now why you laid your head on my chest. My nipples were showing through my shirt" he apologized and I brushed it off. The next day, my birthday, he had planned to stop by our house and greet my family and also help out with some carpentry work that needed to be done on the house. In the middle of the day, I get a text message saying that his mom took his phone and went through his pictures and messages. She saw the message about the nipples thing and threw a fit. She said that what I am is "illegal and should let her dad know or else the authorities." She took his phone away as well as all other electronics and said that "he needs to distance himself from me because he's lost all trust with me and his stepdad." She also no longer wishes to get to know me anymore because "if this is who she is then I'll pass on all of this mess." Two things: First, I'm upset because this RUINED and I mean DESTROYED my mood for the rest of the day. I cried for hours because I was angry with him - then I realized that it in general was my fault. We have a 2-year age difference. He is a minor and I'm an adult. The second is she called me illegal. It really made me think about whether or not I should still be with him. I'm hindering him in all ways possible. I even brought up the fact that I can no longer keep doing this to him and that we need to figure out what to do. He refuses for me to even think about breaking up with him. He won't allow it. But I know that if I were to break up with him, it would be worse on him and maybe even cause him to rebel more than he already does. I love him more than he can understand but I do not know what to do. His parents are putting him through so much because of his decisions regarding me. What should I say to him? What should I do? Do I need to break up with him?

What state do you live in, and what is the age of consent there? Do they have clauses for age gaps? (2 years is not a large gap) In the event that they might press charges against you, it's important that you read up on the law first. They might not know it themselves, or that's their first go-to to scare the both of you.

For the record, I don't think anything that's happened is your fault. In fact it appears that the big hinderance of your relationship has been through his actions, and due to the motive of his actions, it's making you look like a bad influence in front of his parents. That isn't fair to you and that's not the case at all. I think you need to tell him that and point out his dishonesty towards his parents and towards you.

The tracking devices and looking through his phone leads me to beieve that he does live in a very overprotective household. That being said, he's not helping his case at all by sneaking around. He sounds like he's a bit immature to handle a truly meaningful relationship, and I think that you, as much as you love him, find your relationship more trouble than it's worth.?

I do agree on the past part about it troubling me more than I'm just simply loving him. On Monday, he told me that his mom said that we can't talk or see each other until he turns 18. That's May of 2018.. that really threw me off. I love him and all but I'm worried about that he wouldn't stick it out for me. I mean hello.. he's a high school senior.. he's smart but how start? I know myself. I'm so mean to guys that they turn away heads right when my mean eyes make eye contact. I have self control.. but anyways he told me to think of it as when he goes off into the military.. but those in the military also get to talk maybe once or twice a week.. maybe every other week but this is ridiculous. Is it even worth sticking through with it? Lol I know that's up to me but I just know I got so stressed out that I'm having my second period for this month. Maybe this will drop in a few weeks but all I know is that I'm beyond pissed off because of this reaction of his and his parents. I mean his mom won't even talk to me. She doesn't even know me nor has taken it upon herself to actually try to. Dude is a good guy. His folks just need to release him. My parents are in the know of this and are ready to act if she tries to press charges.

unfortunately it sounds like his folks aren't going to release him until he turns 18, or worse still, until he moves out. I'm all for the two of you taking a break until everything blows over since at this point it seems his parents have the final say. Also this is just me, but I'd treat a break as a break. as in: you're single until May. That doesn't necessarily mean you're available to date other people if you aren't, but it's a good opportunity to invest in some self care

 

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