I'm 24 yeas old and I've never been in a relationship...am I ugly?

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I know that's not right to say that about yourself, but I'm really nervous about my looks. I've never had a boyfriend and I think it's because I'm ugly. I'm really shy at first, especially in front of guys. Actually, I'm kinda cold towards them. I've only had a few guys flirt or show interest...and that's it! I don't really have confidence. It makes me sad to think about my future knowing I'm probably going to be alone and have no family of my own. I'm on a dating app right now, and I'm having a hard time finding a guy on there. The only guys that show interest are extremely weird or have no ambitions. Please tell me if I'm ugly lol? And understand that I'm not trying to fish for compliments...I'm just really concerned especially with my age group already getting married and having babies and I'm nowhere near there yet.?

The picture does not work. But don't get distraught over this. Maybe you need to put yourself out there more- not in the slutty sense... but being more open to people, and outgoing. Maybe make a list of the things you like about yourself. Buy some new clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Try new make up. Get a hair cut. Talk to a friend about what you like about eachother so you can boost each others' self esteem.

Woman don't hit their prime till later in life. I always thoiught I was ugly till just recently.? I was never the pretty girl in high school. But I blossomed many years after. I took it into my own hands and learned how to be comfortable in my appearance. I did what worked for me.

Is that you with the glasses? You're very attractive. That's not the problem.

Sometimes if a woman is very attractive, a man will think she's out of his league and not even attempt to approach her.

My best luck with dating came when I did a lot of Mindfulness Meditation practice. Doing that helped slowly adjust my brain to a more open sociable state by reducing stress. Reducing stress helps switch on the socializing part of the mind. Stress helps switch off the socializing part of the mind, because when you're being chased by a tiger, that 's not the best time to socialize. Works great if you're actually being chased by a tiger; disasterous in mondern day society where everything is stressful and there are no tigers. (Where did all the tigers go?)

So that's one suggestion. (You can research the Sympathetic Nervous System and Parasympathetic Nervous System, or Polyvagal Theory, which is another term for essentially the same idea.) There are free apps you can download with guided meditations on them. "Headspace" is one which has sort animated videos at the beginning of lessons 3,5,7,9, explaining the concept.

There's also "Mindfulness Motion Exercises" which are also a kind of meditation. Yoga, Qi-Gong, Tai-Chi. Any of those might be nice. Or there may be a meditation group or class in town. Buddhist places usually have Meditation classes. Or chanting, which is another way to get your mind to stop thinking and fill it with an interesting sound that just compels your mind to stop thinking. And exercise your lungs. Actually I don't know much about chanting. Only went once. Interesting though. I didn't know the words. Singnig might also be good if you like that.

Then for me I also had to learn about Body Language, which I was oblivious to. I read some books on the subject, with the idea of I'll be able to read other people better. Which I kind of do. But now I'm also more aware of my own body language and what I'm telling other people with my body language. So now I have better conscious control of that.

I also studied "Small Talk", how to make "Chit Chat" with strangers. And my teachers helped create for me a Question Bank of questions I can use to keep a conversation going. LIke "Nice weather we''re having, isn't it?" Not original, but effective. We're really not talking about the weather. We're really just becoming familiar with the other person's voice. Doesn't matter what we talk about.

Questions my favorite is TIME; PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE. "What did you do <today, yesterday, last weekend>,", "what are you doing now?" "Do you have any plans for <this afternoon, this evening, tomorrow, this weekend>?"

(I think the questions are kind of innane, but they work. We talk. Talking seems to be the key. What we talk about doesn't seem to be as important. So we talk about stupid stuff.)

I also became more aware of when other people are using Question Bank type questions on me, asking me the same questions I learned to ask other people. So now I recognize when someone is trying to have a conversastion with me. They actually aren't interested in a weatther report, they're actually interested in me!

So I meditate to mitigate stress and help turn on the socializing part of my mind. I observe body language and interpret it. I memorize a short list of Question Bank type questions I can use to start a conversation or keep it going.

Also "Exit Phrases". I need to know how to exit a conversation when I've had enough. That way I'm not trapped in a conversation, which would make me afraid to even start one. Need to know how to leave a conversation too.

I think shy introverted people like myself have a much harder time finding and meeting people. It doesn't come naturally. I have to work at it.

Well those are the tricks I know. You look fine no problem there. Finding a decent guy who's a good match, that's hard. The good guys are the shy quiet ones who are afraid to start conversations or admit they have feelings for you and find you attractive and would love to romance you. They may not pick up on silent body language cues and require some direct words instead to get what you want from them.

Mindfulness Meditation helped me with the rest, so I was calm and able to use my Question Bank questions and have short conversations with strangers.

(But yea in the end I just gave up dating as I got very few dates, even fewer second dates, no third dates, and it's been very distressing; -- but only when I think about it! So I try not to think about it so I'm not distressed.)

 

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