Am I an awful sister?

I feel that for a large portion of my life my siblings have made it clear they didn't want me around or I wasn't smart enough to understand what they were talking about. I remember for example I was 14 and my sister was 17 applying for university. I walked in the living to see my mum my sister and my brother talking about it and before I can interject with anything my sister might want to add to her personal statement, I'm laughed out of the room by both of them. It's experiences like that and ones where my siblings literally told me to f**k off when I needed them because they were playing video games or whatever else (i.e. Was upset) that make me really pissed off when they try and spend time with me now. I know I should try and be a bigger person but they expect me to drop everything to spend time with them even though they can still act so condescending years down the line. I'm just here thinking 'I reserve the right to tell them to f**k off because I'm not just suddenly important when they decide so!' My brother keeps saying I should come down to see him in London when he never took time to visit in his first two years of university. I feel like the only reason they both want to hang out with me is to hold on to being young and having no responsibilities as they're stepping into adulthood. I don't why I'm having a hard time letting go of this but I genuinely do not want to spend time with either them after spending about 14 years of my life as the forgotten sibling ?(my sister actually forgot to pick me up from school so many times I just ended up learning the way myself)?that no one cared about. I'm not sure if this makes me a bad person.?

How you're feeling is totally understandable, there's no need to feel like a bad person. Do you think they want to hang out now to make up for how they used to treat you? If you seriously don't like the idea of spending time with them when they ask, then you don't have to. I know what's like when you feel like you can't just let go of certain things but that doesen't necessarily make you an awful person. Though try not to let all this get to you, stuff like this can happen between siblings a lot. In time, I'm sure you all will learn to get along :) Until then, all the best!

 

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