Friends, then leading into my depression..

This is a long one, I'm sorry, I just need help, advice, anything. I'll talk anything right now...

I feel like people don't like me anymore. I feel like everyone hates me. When I'm in a group of friends, I'll try to be saying something, but then end up not being able to cause everyone else just ignores me and talks over me. I try to have conversations with people but they just ignore what I have to say tbh, like on snapchat I send a message to someone and they ignore it.

My two best friends, Alison and Emily, have way gotten closer recently and they talk about things a bunch that I don't know about and I also feel like Emily doesn't like me or that she bitches to Alison or somebody else about me cause she always bitches to me about other people.

Idk I feel like I annoy everybody and they put up with me cause they feel bad for me and whatever. I get upset about things and I try to talk to people, like Emily, but I feel like she doesn't care. I put things on my snapchat story, like a sad face, or "bad mood", or "someone talk :(", which are a cry for help, where I want someone to notice and talk to me and ask me what's wrong. I always ask when someone else puts stuff on their snapchat story.

The other day when I wasn't at school, nobody asked anything. Nobody. They didn't mention it until the next day and even then only one person asked (Alison) and then didn't seem to care for the answer and she started having another conversation when I started to explain. When other people aren't there at school everyone seems to freak out and ask each other and message the person like 100 times. I feel like they don't care what I have to say or do anymore

. Earlier I asked Alison and Emily if we could do something at the weekend and they said that they were already doing something, which I know feel like sh*t over, cause Ik I shouldn't be jealous and it's normal for friends to hang out I just feel awful about it. I mean, I appreciate that they were honest but.. I wish they were like "do you wanna join" but nah. I can't talk to them about it cause they'll thing Im weird and annoying and stupid. I put "thanks guys ☹️🤔😬" and they didn't say anything else.

Also, earlier Emily was gonna tell me something that I've been in the dark about (( Guess what it's a secret between her and Alison :(. )) and like just a few minutes ago I asked Emily what happened to her her telling me what was going on, she was like "I said I'll ft u later"... But It's like 9pm right now... And then I asked another question something like which she ignored. Sent another message to get her attention. Ignored. So basically she doesn't want to tell me anymore. Thanks. Like they can have secrets, I don't care, but, Im not kidding, all of my other friends know about this too.

Ive been feeling like my depression is coming back for a little while ((quick background story: i moved schools halfway though year 8 and moved halfway across the country, and it took me until halfway through year 9 to get new friends because I was angry and sad and scared and everything. I self diagnosed myself with depression so it's not 100% accurate but at the time I did self half any whatever so yeah. Anyway...)

?) I'm so scared cause Idk what to do and nobody gives a sh*t. I can't talk to people about it. I can't talk to my parents cause they'll freak out and get mad at me, I can't talk to doctors cause I cant talk to people I don't know, I can't talk to Alison cause I mean, I don't feel like she cares cause she's always distracted and she would tell everyone, I can't talk to Emily cause she always gets mad when her boyfriend is sad and tries to talk about his depression to her and she bitches to me about it. I can't talk to Jane (my best friend from where I used to live) cause she's too far away to help, I can't talk to any of my other friends cause we aren't close at all, I can't talk to my sister cause she's too distant with me and we aren't close. I have nobody left. I need new friends but I can't make new friends cause of my social anxiety. Also the reason I can't talk to people about my problems -- I have a major fear of being judged.

?I don't know what to do anymore... Sorry this is long and there's quite a few things but this is the only place I feel comfortable talking about this. Please help me with this I'm scared and I keep crying I cant stop. I haven't cried in a year :(.?- Dani

I am so sorry.. I am here if you want to talk. I know that it can feel very lonely and painful when you are excluded from a friend group, or feel hated by everyone (they dont actually hate you). But trust me, there are ALOT of people who love and care for you!! Alison and Emily don't deserve your friendship. I know this sounds difficult since I have trouble making new friends as well, but you need to find friends who truly care for you and can feel comfortable with. I dearly hope you will be able to overcome your social anxiety and start talking to new people and who knows, your true best friend could be waiting for you anywhere :))?

 

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