Purity Pledge Virginity & Christianity

When I was at Christian summer camp I took a Purity Pledge along with several girls.  I was 12.  2 of the girls were not virgins and were becoming born again virgins.  I have been far from Chaste but have never been penetrated and still have a hymen.I would even allow a finger in me  but had genital to genital contact.  I high school I had 2 occasions wth different boys but developeda scary fear just moments before penetration and halted things. I offeredthe boys to perform oral sex but they were so upset they just took me home.Now a young lady in college. I am still a virgin.  At an impromptu gather if high school friends that took the oath. together, only 3-4 of us are still virgins.
In college I find boys not believing me when I tell them I am still a virgin because of has one put it my 'skills' at pleasing.
Ok I am niether pure nor chaste.  I am very devout and religious still.  Are he sexual acts  I perform any with different boys less worse than having intercourse?
Was the virginity pledge an attempt to protect us from std's and unwanted pregnancy while at an early age?

I have thoght on several occasions of having intercorse.  Each time I when I rationalize this scary fear overcomes me again and I pray to make it go away.  Am I any less religious as a non-virgin?

I would really appreciate help from anyone that had a similar experiance or could help my perspectives. Alsoif anyone would like to IM and further discuss things and be someone I can talk to anonymously but openly.  Tis issue is starting to take on an obsessive nature.

bump?

I've never really understood the whole thing about taking a purity pledge...yet that girl or boy will still engage in oral sex, or handjobs or whatever.  The idea behind being "pure" and all that is to keep your mind and body pure...when you're engaging in oral sex, or other acitivites....how is that any different than full on sex? 

I myself am not religious.  I think religion has done a terrible thing in destroying sexuality and making people feel guilty about the bodies they have.  I'm not so much talking about religion itself, moreso the church and its leaders.  I mean look at the Bible itself...its full of examples of people engaging in sexual activity and enjoying themselves, and also men having multiple wives, or concubines, and God still looks at them with favor.  How can a Christian read those things and then turn around and expect to be chaste?

I am not against people practicing their faith at all, I just think it's sad that many people who are religious are so scared to enjoy their bodies and sexuality.

Religon and more so beliefs are very personal and basically depends how literal you take your particular holy book. A lot of things in holy books are ambiguous (open to more than one interpretation) or made to be more ambiguous in modern times. As it comes to sexual activity before marriage the quotes are pretty ambigous (http://www.openbible.info/topics/sex_before_marriage) as most of the time the term "sexual immorality" is used and this is where people who believe vary in beliefs. Some consider it the main sexual acts that are specifically talked about negatively in the bible such as male homosexuality, incest, adultery, and bestiality. Others consider it everything sexual even masturbation. Others like yourself have taken it to mean only sex before marriage. I would say they wanted you guys to take the pledge because they believe any type of sexual acts are going against your religion/god. Although scarying kids away from stds/pregnancies is just an add on for them. 

I'm a proud athiest. I think anything to do with sex should be taken seriously still and people should wait till they are (at least almost) adult age and with the right person and otherwise well informed and ready to partake in sex and deal with any potential aftermath (stds, pregnancy, emotional state, physical state, etc). In my opinion though sex is also something that should be explored (Nothing wrong with promiscuity but infidelity on the other hand is) and not shamed. I also think it is important to have sex before marriage (if you even get married at all) as I think a good sexual aspect of a relationship is good in building a healthy long lasting relationship.

That all being said your hymen still being in tact means nothing to anyone actually. Hymens can be broken for many reasons even without any vaginal penetration. Sometimes people and doctors in 3rd world countries try to use that to prove virginity though there are also surgerys to get it repaired. Not to mention if God was real and omniscient he would know what, when and who you were doing things with how and why etc. So in the end religous beliefs and your sex life are both personal and no one else needs to know how you think about them.

Obviously if you are a friend here on Gurl. you knpw this isn't an issue anymre...  I gave in and just did it.  The Purity Ring? Its on a necklace chain as a momento.  If I have a daughter something I give to her?  NOOOOO!!!!!!! 

 

Hey Rayne,
Although I haven't had the experience you have had. I as a christian haven't taken the time to explore the sex before marriage topic  but Chelsieautumn on tumblr has a great perspective on it considering she's lived it. Even though you're not dealing with this topic anymore, I just want to say don't beat yourself up too much about it because God loves you.

P.S. here's the link to her page if you want to check it out.
http://chelsieautumn.tumblr.com/tagged/grace-purity

 

Hello Rayne
I'm a Christian in the same position as you. I've engaged in oral sex, both giving and recieving, and genital to genital contact. I don't havea hymen as was born without one, but it would have been broken by now anyway. It's a matter of perspective - I consider vaginal sex to be what removes purity, but others don't even allow masturbation. It's tricky, especially if you want sex but are concerned about how God will judge you.

I like the book of Romans which if you continue reading after Chapter 1 you'll find Chapter 2 refutes Chapter 1 and the rest of the book concludes with "these things don't matter in Christ", i.e. you're missing the whole point if you're so busy stuck on "rules" and trying to follow "rules".

Christ is about the interpersonal relationship. Are we having sex for money, or because someone is pressuring us and we don't really want to; or are we having sex because we both want to and we have a good relationship with one another. Christ focuses on the relationships between people. Are they healthy and nurturing, or are they selfish and exploitive relationships? Basically, do we care about the other person? That's what matters. (IMHO)

vestara:

Is she a Saint?

Rayne:

vestara:

Is she a Saint??

Lol no she's a regular girl. What made you think she was a saint if I may ask?.

thanks for your insight @del677

I just think it's how you enjoy your body or sexuality .Ruining that body by sleeping around degrading yourself is not the answer.Even if you think it's love,won't you be more sure you'll ?love each other forever by promising to through marriage.Instead of having lust that dwindles?.The bible describes a woman beautifully and points out the beautiful things she does,is, as that beauty.

a lot of the time when people were too sexual as "brandneweyes"describes in the bible it ended up messing gods plans up for them.(remember Delilah and ,Sarah s stories?)

sarahs husband slept with her handmaiden or whatever and Sarah ?ended up gettin envious of the boy she birthed(since Sarah ?finally had a baby herself)and wanted him kicked to the curb.(harsh I know)

and delilah was sounds like a prostitute or something and ended up being the downfall of a great man of god who slept around with her. Because turns out she didn't really love him after all.

god didnt tell neither of them to do this.(just more of mans decisions).

i just look at it as a father wanting his daughter to be beautiful,you can't feel that if you've done all these things that make you feel less Than that.Most dads know this perspective the most because it's a protective thing ,protecting you from getting scarred,collecting baggage,hurt.?
?You can take care of yourself and love how you look,that's a great place to start when it comes to sexuality and your body. It shows you aren't ashamed the most.

I'd like to say that while I am not quite sixteen yet I have seriously thought about telling my boyfriend that I want to have sex with him. The thing is we are both very catholic. I've never taken a purity pledge though a few years ago a chance came up and I thought about it. I think the main purpose of a purity pledge is to try to prevent people from sinning. But as all sins are equal in God's eyes it would be the same as taking an honesty pledge because lying is also a sin. I lie and I steal and I disobey my parents every day. All sins. It may be viewed as a big thing in society and I do believe you should wait until you find the right person who you trust to help you take care of any consequences but the sin of premarital sex is in God's eyes no worse than saying "Oh my God!" when your best friend tells you something exciting.

Honey, if you have come this far, through all the experiences you've had until this point, it's better to stand your ground and stick up for what you believe. What you have experienced are members of our (unfortunate) opposite sex pressuring you to do something you honestly don't want to do. You haven't met the right person for you. There are many men out there (the ones whose mothers cared to raise them properly) who will respect you and care for you. If your belief system is to save intercourse until marriage, I would recommend letting go of the hanky-panky things for now?and to seek out a person willing to be invested in a long-term, committed relationship with you. When you can sort the man you're looking for from the men that want a "quick pitstop" and move on, you will find a better life is waiting for you in terms of relationships. Consider joining clubs, meeting new people (to change the scenary) -or even channelling some of your energies into your career. Any of these things will make you feel so much better about you. (Hang in, stay strong, and I've just realized this post is a year late, sorry!)

I know this is old and I don't know if this has been addressed but I would like to point out that regardless of if you've had vaginal sex or not, your hymen stays intact. Nothing "pops" or breaks. It merely stretches. Now if the penetration is rough it can tear, but there is nothing covering the vaginal opening that needs to be popped or broken.

 

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