Christianity Questions.

Hi gurls. I've recently been going through a very hard time and tonight I decided to pray and see if it would have any effect.
It made me feel surprisingly better, but it also made me question a lot. 
I was raised a Catholic but not practicing. I went to a Baptist church every Sunday between the ages 8-12.
After that I would go to youth group things with my friends but I never went to church unless I was tagging along with my grandpa. 
My sophomore year of high school my best friend died in late October and in early December my grandpa died. My grandpa was my best friend. I still can't talk about him dying and it was 5 years ago now. After their deaths I decided I no longer believed in God or anything religious at all. I used to cut myself and hurt myself if i was upset and that was how i coped with the passing of my best friend and grandfather. So I decided tonight instead of reverting back to my old ways I would pray.
I was praying about my best friend, who just found out she had cancer on her thyroid today. I also prayed about my relationship with my fiance/boyfriend, who decided tonight that he didn't want to be in a relationship with my anymore and left me. With no warning at all or anything. I prayed to the Lord for strength, healing, and to keep my family, pets and friends healthy. 
After I said my prayer millions of questions popped into my head. What if the Lord thought I was selfish for not praying to Him for 5 years after not believing in Him?
Will He forgive me for losing my path toward Him for such a long time? 
Will He take my prayers seriously at all?
I feel like i would deserve if the Lord decided not to listen to my prayers and He decided to not bring me any peace and safety. 
Also, I work a lot. Is there any sort of online church service website I could watch a service on every Sunday? Or do you think I'm jumping into religion too quickly?
I'm sorry it is so long and I rambled. I just need some advice. I would greatly appreciate it.

I'm sorry for you loss hun. I know how it feels to lose someone so close to you. God is always there for you no matter what. He loves you unconditionally and will forgive you for anything if you ask for His forgiveness.  He listens to everyones prayers. whether you prayed to Him yesterday or 10 years ago. I was raised as a Catholic too, as I got older, I realized being a Catholic wasn't really for me, so I became a Christian. I learned that there's a bit of a difference between the two. Now, I believe in God and focus on God, and don't really pay attention to religion. I feel as though religion brings confusion. I stil pray, and read the bible and stuff of that nature. I also used to go to church but stopped when I was bullied in church...  I don't think you're jumping into religion too quickly. The only way to find out what religion fits you best is to research and see which one is the best for you and what ype of lifestyle you'd like to live. I hope your relationship with God grows stronger, goodluck hun!!

Zechariah 1:3"Therefore say to them, `Thus says the LORD of hosts, "Return to Me," declares the LORD of hosts, "that I may return to you," says the LORD of hosts.2 Chronicles 30:9"For if you return to the LORD, your brothers and your sons will find compassion before those who led them captive and will return to this land. For the LORD your God is gracious and compassionate, and will not turn His face away from you if you return to Him."2 Chronicles 15:4 "But in their distress they turned to the LORD God of Israel, and they sought Him, and He let them find Him.
"Also, I work a lot. Is there any sort of online church service website I could watch a service on every Sunday? Or do you think I'm jumping into religion too quickly?"

I'm not sure what you mean by jumping into religion too quickly. If you turn on the television on a Sunday morning, you can usually find a service. However, if you look at local churches, you'll also find that services are generally offered every day of the week (though the ones that are Mon - Fri tend to be abridged). 

There is nothing you could ever do to make God mad at you. He is the most forgiving, loving, graceful one in the whole universe. Just know that he loves you so much and wants you to come to him, but he doesn't force anyone to do anything. He gives us the option of how to live our lives.  My advice to you would be to find a Christian church that you can get plugged into and feel comfortable at. And since you said you're busy, if you have a smart phone try downloading a Bible app. Even reading the Bible 5 minutes a day and praying for 5 minutes a day could have a huge impact on your life. And remember, all of us Christians are in this together (as cheesy as that sounds). But te reason I said that is so that when you're going through a hard time, you'll know that there are others that love you and care about you. Good luck on finding a church :)

1) God isn't mad at you. If anything he is so happy that you are praying to him again! He loves you and has always loved you even when you strayed. He could never be mad at you.
2)If you repent for your sins, God forgets and thats what a lot of people don't realise. All you have to do is admit to God and repent and he will forgive. 
3) The Lord wants to help you - but just remember he doesn't always answer your prayers in the way you expect so if it seems like he is ignoring you, just hang in there. Sometimes he gives us what we need instead of what we want.
4) Of course you're not jumping into religion too quickly. There are services at different times. You can find a time that fits in with your schedule or you could always read the bible and pray everyday. Church isn't for everyone. For me it helps a lot because I meet so many people who keep me faithful through it but it might not be your thing. I say look up churches in your area and go to a few services that fit in with your schedule, find which church is 'for you' and try and go as often as you can :)
I'll be praying for you! xx


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