Eating Disorder Very Difficult to Avoid

Just in case this is a problem, I will say *trigger warning* just in case you are sensitive to these topics as I will probably go into detail of what is happening to me.

DISCLAIMER: If you are considering "getting" an eating disorder or are already falling into one, find a counselor or someone immediately because this disorder is no joke. It is the psychiatric disorder with the highest mortality rate and lowest recovery rate. It is very different from any other disorder and this isn't something you should mess with. I greatly regret not caring for myself sooner and now I'm stuck in a very vicious cycle of unhappiness. Do the right thing instead.?

Me and my eating disorder tend to have a yoyo affect because its not always present and it tends to come back full fledged when it does. I tend to eat very mindlessly, causing me to over eat sometimes so I end up throwing up whatever I can so that I don't feel as guilty. That feeling of guilt kills me because I feel like I am back to square one and this feels like hell. I managed to drop 30 pounds about a year ago and now I can't even lose anything becaue I keep going back and forth between clean eating, then poor eating, and no eating. I wish there was an easier way to make sure that I was eating right and to keep myself from mindless eating.?

I know I should get help but I almost don't want to? The last thing I would need is to be institutionalized when in fact if my parents found out, they'd probably get extremely angry at me and force feed me which is the last thing I need. I want to stay ?focused on college and at least manage to lose 10 pounds within the next month or so. Like I have really good intentions but really bad habits. Can anyone relate? This is lonely.?

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I know what you mean. I'm about 3 years pot-recovery and sometimes I still get urges to do it again, even thouh it was a nightmare that I don't want to revisit. That and I just love food so much now that I don't want to starve myself again x3 I suggest you go to your school's counselor. Perhaps she could hook you up with a dietitian that can help you better understand the things you should be eating and others you should avoid more often than not. Remember that eating some junk food now and then is OK. We need it every once in a while and it's ok to enjoy it.?

The biggest thing is to work on your body positivity. Surround yourself with body positive things. What I did was follow a lot of body positive blogs on tumblr. Something I did, and sometimes still do, is go on fat/chubby friendly online stores like Torrid or Modcloth and look at the models to help feel better about myself. Not in a "well at least I'm not as big as her!" way, but an "She's bigger than me and she's goreous, so maybe I can be attractive, too?"kind of way.

I don't think losing weight is what you really want to do. I think you should work on toning your body to help you feel more confident. Don't overwork yourself, that's what I did by jogging on the treadmill every day and I started developing a problem with my heart. I guess it was only in the first stages of it, because they've never made it a thing for me to have a checkup, and I feel alright now. However, it's common for those suffering from eating disorders to just go into cardiac arrest and die, so if you're starving and over exercising, that process speeds up and is just overall bad for you. Your body NEEDS calories to function. Your BRAIN needs them to function correctly.?

For right now, just work on having a healthy eating habit, and don't stress over eating something unhealthy. Then once you can get a handle on it, especially if you can get a chance to talk with a dietitian, then you can work on doing some body toning exercises like yoga, pushups, situps, jogging, etc. And make sure you tell them that that's what you plan on doing.?

Losing 10 pounds in one more is bit of an unrealistic and unhealthy goal, too.

You could try practicing Mindfully eating, the opposite of mindlessly eating.

The usual situation while we're eating is to scarcely notice our food-we're talking, watching TV, or thinking about other things. We know we're eating a pizza, but we don't really see it. We don't register its many shades of color, and often couldn't even say into how many pieces it has been cut. We smell it strongly at first, but don't stay conscious of the smell long enough to savor the variety of individual scents that make up the composite experience. Similarly for taste. At first it tastes "good," and then we're lost in thought or something else, and only dimly appreciate the flavor. Since part of the reason for eating is to feel full on a sensual level, as well as on a nutritional one, we finish the pizza and still feel hungry, not for the food value but for the sensory satisfaction. This lack of satisfaction causes us to overeat in an attempt to find it. And since we never really focus on eating as it happens, the pleasure continues to elude us.

See pg. 102 of the free book on Mindfulness, available here:
http://www.spencershermanphd.com/id4.html
(it's also available as a Kindle book on Amazon.com for 99 cents, if you prefer a Kindle format)

The idea is to focus all of your attention on the food when eating the food. Notice what it tastes like, notice the texture, pay attention to how it feels, focus on it, and when your mind wanders, let that thought go and refocus on the present moment and the sensations. (We're essentially switching off the left half of the brain which thinks in words and language, and enganging the right half of the brain which is more sensory.)

Hope that helps. Best wishes.

Thank you guys for your suggestions. It really helps to have the input from both of you. I'll look more into eating mindfully and good habits.?

 

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