My Eating Disorder Story

It took some time before I had enough from feeling bigger than the girls around me. At first, I always wanted to take the safe route; this meant that I wanted to run some miles on the threadmill. I wanted burn it all off and drink down water. I ate my veggies and my fruit. I felt alive. I felt amazing.

And then I met anorexia. She was so nice at first. She promised me a quick fix. She promised me beauty. I started to cut down on food. Some days I only ate a snack the whole day. I would run on the treadmill for four hours. Eventually I stopped running all together. I had no energy. I felt like a zombie. I felt dead.

I eventually saw that my disease was mental. It didn't matter how skinny I was or how skinny other saw me. I NEVER saw skinny. This is what anorexia never told me. She never told me that I would NEVER be satisfied. She never told me that I would almost faint when I would stand up. She never told me about the horrible periods that I would have. She never told me that I would feel so dead. She never told me that this escape was just a prision sentence.

I cannot confirm that I recovered. Its entirely mental now. I look in the mirror, and even though I don't hate what I see, I still don't like it. I gained weight again. I'm able to feel alive again. I'm not scared of my periods or standing up. It's a complicated relationship, but I'm happy that I'm no longer in her tight grasp. Only her scars remain.

So my advice to anyone who is considering listening to anorexia would be to turn around before she sweet talks you into giving her what she wants. Stay away from her. She's consuming. She promises you all these lies. But even if you do turn to her, you'll never be satisfied with your body like she says you would be. Turn away from her false promises.

If you want to feel better about your body, eat right. Eat more healthy foods that junk foods. Drink more water than soda. Dance, run, join a sport, go to a gym, do anything that will make you sweat and will make your heart race. You have to dedicate yourself and you will learn to love yourself along the way. You will actually be proud of yourself and what you see, versus anorexia where you will never feel happy.

See a counselor and talk to friends about these things. I was lucky enough to have a boyfriend who helped me learn to love some parts of me.

There is no other love like the one you have for yourself.

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Such a sweet and powerful message to everyone out there who are struggling.
I wish my conscience would start seeing the light rather than being in darkness.

I am glad you're recovering. :')
Stay healthy!

She never told me I'd have to eat lunch with my mom at school because the doctors didn't trust me to eat what I was supposed to. She didn't tell I would ruin family outings. She didn't tell I would be a burden. She didn't tell me I would develope a heart condition. She didn't tell me it would be so difficult to breathe. She didn't tell me that I would cry every day. She didn't tell me about the muscle spasms in my legs that I would wake up to in the morning all the time. She didn't tell me I'd lose my period for 8 months. She didn't tell I'd have to constantly?worry that they would put me in the hospital on my next doctors visit. She didn't tell me about the counselor I'd have to go to. She didn't tell me about all the things I'd miss out on. She didn't tell me that no matter how many coats or blankets I had on, I'd always be cold. She didn't tell me my fingernails would turn purple. She might not affect my body anymore, but she stays in a box somewhere in head.

 

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