i want an eating disorder

And that means I'm a horrible person

I have one, and I completely agree with NocturnalMistress. There is also an emotional hell that comes with an eating disorder, and trying to recover from it. Think of it this way, if you end up with one because you want one, you will eventually have to recover and gain weight back. Or you will eventually die. Not having to take either of those paths is inevitable. I don't think that's what you want for yourself. I don't want that for you. If you want to lose weight do so in a healthy fashion. If you just want the eating disorder, see a therapist.

I agree with NocturnalMistress and purplepixie. I had one a couple years ago and let me tell you, no one wants an eating disorder. It is a living nightmare. 

You are not a horrible person. I know exactly how you feel/felt. I used to hate my body so much and felt so ignored that I wanted to get an eating disorder and so my family woud pay attention to me. I ended up having bulimia and being miserable. At first it was great, I was losing weight and finally had a thigh gap and flat stomach. But no matter how much weight I lost, I felt as fat as I started. I cut myself a lot and tried to comit suicide five times. I hated myself that much. Eventually I told my mom and dad and now I go to a therapist,  which tbh, doesn't help with anything. All I am saying is that as great as an eating disorder looks, it sucks ass.

you arent a horrible person at all. and trust me, you dont want an eating disorder. they suck and they take over your life. they take of your body. they become a part of who u r and it definitley isnt a fun part. they mess with your brain and your health. but y do u want one? y would u want one? i cant really say much more without starting to cry. but you really DONT want one darling

gurl17:And that means I'm a horrible person 

I understand where you're coming from, but you don't want an eating disorder. You want the body that you imagine will come with it. There are MUCH better ways to get that body, an eating disorder is NOT a quick fix and it will NOT give you self confidence.

Why would anyone want to be anorexic/bulimic? Do you know Demi Lovato, teen actress/singer? She had an eating disorder because some jerks at her elementary school were telling her she was fat/obese, which she never was, then just a couple years after that, she was bulimic. She even had to leave Sonny With a Chance, her hit show because of it. She later went to an eating disorder recovery clinic. Now she's fine, but regrets what she did to herself, and you would too if you actually have an eating disorder.

Point is I'm kinda obese for real, and you don't see me binging, purging, and starving. No! I'm eating healthy for a very long time (foreves!) And in time, like maybe 4-7 momths I'd be thin in a healthy way, like Demi Lovato is now! She is actually 117 pounds now. I'd like to get to that weight, plus it would look thinner on me since I'm very petite - 5' foot! Besides, eating disorders are no fun, eating healthy (which means eating all your favorite foods and keeping them down without purging/puking it up) and doing fun sports you'd enjoy such as either swimming (that's my favorite!) Basketball, cheerleading, lacrosse, hockey, wrestling, boxing, gymnastics, karate, baseball, or football. Those are all awesome sports you could play to become healthy, and not sick with an eating disorder, whether it be bulimia, anorexia, or binge eating.

This is interesting. I had a sudden urge to come back to this board after a very long hiatus. I came here when I was 14 or so, and I am now 23. I was drawn to this post because I've been thinking about this stuff lately. Here's what is interesting: I wanted an eating disorder too. I was probably 15 or 16 at the time, (and I'm not pulling the "back then...but I'm an adult now" card -- I still get weirded out when I'm considered an adult) and something semed glamorous about it. I had always been attracted to secretive, destructive secrets. I recently learned that it was never really about the behaviors themselves, but about the secrets that made me feel protected. Either way, I glamorized the "discipline" it took for girls with eating disorders to pursue it and lose weight...like, really lose weight. I'm not 100% sure it started as a body thing for me, though it eventually became one. That didn't mean that it wasn't a problem -- food was still part of a symptom, never the core issue -- but I had mor control than I wanted to admit at the time. I let my distress (sometimes ED stuff, other times depression, self harm, etc) get out of control repeatedly, because I never dealt with the core issue. I never dealt with what I wanted in an eating disorder. 

Now, I'm supposedly a grown-up. I can see clearly how what I wanted back then was not an eating disorder. It didn't feel like "enough" to just be depressed, because bing depressed didn't matter. No one would understand how much I was hurting unless I made it observable in some way. Then, it was accomplishment, an acknowledgment of my pain, but remained a secret that was mine. THAT was what I wanted. 

I started thinking about this because I was healthy and in recovery from everything for several years, but I recently relapsed into old Ed behaviors. But now, they are different, Now, I don't want them. Now, I'm horrified that someone might figure them out. Now, I know what it means to have an eating disorder, and how out of control it really can become. Only NOW do I realize what I wanted back then -- that thing that masqueraded as an ED. Now, my ED is a burden. 

But I'll bite the bitter bullet with this caveat: if the 23-year old me had told 15-year-old me all of that, it wouldn't have changed a thing. If you're at all like me (which I gathered from your brief post -- but perhaps you're not, which makes this cathartic for me, but otherwise unhelpful), then you may see those things as goals -- maybe it's what you think you deserve, or maybe there is some other reason that it seems appealing (it would have for me). 

I guess that that all leads to this -- the only thing I can really say for sure:
I wish 23-y/o me could have told 15-y/o me ALL of this. But even more, I wish 15-y/o me would've given an argument like this a chance when 23-y/o me decided to chime in,

cheers to you, best wishes


Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment