trying to recover, actually getting worse. (trigger warning?)

I have an eating disorder. Or disordered eating rather. I restrict. But not enough to make me constantly lose weight. To be sickly skinny by this point. I don't think people really belive me, they think I'm some lonely kid trying to get attention. But my doctor has said that this is a problem and we need to take care of it now before it gets worse. And it's getting worse. My family doesn't check on me like they should, and I'm fihurting out ways around eating. I'm just getting worse and I don't know what to do. I want to get better, bit I'm trying to do it myself, and that's too much for me to handle. My mom thinks I'm fine. Everyone thinks I'm fine. But I still have got this thing and I don't know what to do.

I was really nervous to post this. This is something I don't tell a lot of people. And this forum is so intimidating, i've seen some of the rants where people say this isn't a real eating disorder because they don't have this checklist of symptoms, all over the Internet when I've searched around websites. But i need help. And i'm sorry if I wasted your time

Oh, sweet heart I've been the same boat. Regardless of what people think, they're not your doctor, who sounds like they want to address the issue. Eating disorders are a mental illness and will only get worse untreated. Even you haven't "lost enough weight" or "sick enough" to have an eating disorder, these statements are false. Even mild restricting can cause life treathning side effects. As much as under 1500 can cause sarvation symtpoms for some. Try visiting this website: www.lifewithoutanorexia.com, or you could even email the person running the blog. Which I did a long time ago, and that helped me.All I tell you is that you should see your doctor again and maybe even see a psychologist to get dianosged. I can also recmend visting another website called Your Eatopia. Not that I'm a doctor, but another I've found online is the "Telltale Dozen" or common signs that warn you about the possiblity of an eating disorder: 


    [*]Family and friends have shifted from congratulating you on your weight loss and/or your healthier choices to making either careful or even blunt comments that you look too thin, sick, or generally don't seem to eat enough.
    [*]You are cold when others are not. You've started wearing sweaters when others are in short-sleeves. Sometimes you feel light-headed, dizzy. Other times you feel foggy-headed - like you are listening to others through cotton wool.
    [*]You are tired and find your mind wanders. You struggle to focus in class or at work. You cannot remember things that others remember easily.
    [*]=7pt You are prone to crying spells and/or explosive bouts of anger (more so than what might be usual). You alternate between wanting to be alone, snapping at family and then finding you are clingy and needy, seeking reassurance from loved ones.
    [*]Not only do you find it hard to concentrate, but also you find you are absolutely consumed with thoughts of food. When you will eat. What you will eat. What you won't eat. 
    [*]Facing social circumstances that involve food creates panic: family celebrations, lunches with friends at school, holiday times...in the days leading up to such events you feel extremely anxious and spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to avoid it altogether.
    [*]The number of rules you assign to when and how will eat keeps getting longer. You have become ritualistic to the point where any deviance causes massive anxiety (the wrong plate, the fork in the wrong place...).
    [*]=7pt You have longer and longer lists of forbidden foods that you will not touch.
    [*]If you indulge in any food that you consider unacceptable, you are wracked with shame, self-hatred, loathing and usually 'punish' yourself for the transgression (exercising to exhaustion, skipping yet another meal)
    [*]As a woman, your regular menstrual cycle is irregular or has disappeared completely. Whether you are a woman or man you notice your skin appears dull and dry. Your hair and nails are brittle and perhaps your hair loss seems more pronounced than usual (clumps in the bathtub drains or on your brush).
    [*]You find yourself promising yourself and others more and more that "tomorrow" will be different. But it isn't.
    [*]=7pt You lie to loved ones about what you ate that day, or about how much you actually exercised and make excuses for why you cannot eat now. If they are friends, you often fabricate food allergies, intolerances or other reasons why you cannot have the particular item being offered.

​I hope you make it through this hard time, and hope that you conquer your eating disorder. Wish you luck:)
 

Thank you. I will make sure to check those websites out. I have experienced all of the symptoms except the super dramatic weight loss, but I also hide under clothes, so I don't know if anyone really knows how much weight it is. I missed my period, and I definitely should have had it by now, and it's food intake or stress, because I'm definitely not having sex.

What do you think your mom would say if you said you wanted to see a therapist? It really really helps. 

 

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